Throughout the entire time that I have been writing my new ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, my guide to emotionally unavailable men and the very reliable women that love them, I have been listening to a hell of a lot of songs and I realised that many of the songs that I love are about trying to get men that don’t want to be got, and saying that you’re better than the woman because you can love him better.

I even noticed that on my recent post about how Mr Unavailable blows hot and cold on women, only to turn the tables on you and turn YOU into ‘The Pursuer’, readers started putting songs on like ‘Shadowboxer to your phone’ by Fiona Apple and Duffy’s ‘Stepping Stone’ suggested by FinallyOverIt, BBP suggests a timeless favourite by Patsy Cline, ‘Crazy’ and I have seen many others suggested on the forum.

Here are some of my all time favourite songs…can you see a theme, other than the fact that Mary J Blige is the queen of Fallback Girl songs as well as R&B….?

Not Gon’ Cry – Mary J Blige (The Flogger Fallback Girl)

“While all the time that I was loving you

You were busy loving yourself

I would stop breathing if you told me to

Now your busy loving someone else”

No Happy Holidays by Mary J Blige (The Other Woman Fallback Girl)

“Christmas you weren’t with me, New Year’s Eve you were not around

Valentine’s came and went, Makes me wonder where your time was spent

Fireworks on the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving was another lie

Your family has never met me, And you’ve never met mine, no happy holiday”

I Can Love You (Better than she can) by Mary J Blige and Lil Kim – The Yo Yo Girl

“Wondering why you don’t love me, The way that I love you”

She Can’t Love You by Destiny’s Child – Yo Yo Girl, The Other Woman

“I saw your new girlfriend the other day, And I expected for her to be so much more than she was

I checked out her style, the way she smiled, The way she moved, the things she said

The way she looked at me like, “I got yo’ man”, She can’t love you like I can

Her awful love just cant compare to what I have, She can’t touch you like I do

‘Cause when she touch you, you pretend it’s me and you, There’s no way her love’s as good as mine

There’s no reason for you to waste your time”

Others include:

Underappreciated by Chrstina Aguilera

Superwoman by Karen White

I Can Change by John Legend

Willing and Waiting by Mary J Blige

Life Story by Angie Stone

Same Script, Different Cast by Whitney Houston (perfect for The Other Woman and The Yo You Girl)

If you want a journey through emotional unavailability, listen to Mary J Blige. I listened to pretty much every single album one day from the beginning to the end and there is a Fallback Girl that has grown.

I know that writing songs is about your own experiences, although I find it quite questionable that Destiny’s Child had that experience as they were barely tipping 20 when that song came out, but is losing a man, trying to take him off someone else, or waiting for him to change and return what most women have to sing about?! Well I guess we’re not looking for happy songs and at least they’re relatable, because let’s face it, there’s a hell of a lot of waiting, heartbroken, confused, underappreciated women out there.

But in the meantime, I want to know what your song is – Your thoughts?

And whilst we’re on the subject, what’s your feel good song for moving past him?

NML is the founder of Baggage Reclaim and has just published her new ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, which dissects emotionally unavailable men and the women that love him. Find out more.

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