Emotional schooling has meant that many of us spend a lot of time and energy pursuing relationships with the wrong men, or working overtime to keep men that we should actually be letting go of. People hear those special words ‘give’ and ‘take’ and just run with them with a misguided idea that they will solve everything. He’s not being attentive? Give him more attention. He doesn’t want to commit? Give him everything you’ve got and then some. He’s not interested? Give him plenty of your energy as you keep pursuing him.
There are two big areas that will always come back to bite a woman in the ass if they behave in this way with a man who will never want her as much as she wants him – When she showers him with material goods and when she showers him with emotions.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a successful woman and for all intents and purposes, it may seem that you have everything going for you and that men should want you. The danger is that in demonstrating your success, sometimes even compensating for weaker areas in the relationship, you can potentially end up appearing to buy his affections. I get emails from women all the time complaining about how they have been with a guy and they were very generous with gifts and finances and he still cheated/left her/emotionally abused her/wasn’t interested. I think that these women forget that unless they’ve been of a golddiger mentality, it doesn’t feel any better when the roles are reversed and a man tries to buy our affections.
Women who pursue emotionally unavailable men are classic examples of women who have far too much emotion to give to the wrong people. Misguidedly there is a belief that if you show just how much you care that he will realise that you are the right woman and miraculously become available. Trust me when I say that you have more chance of walking on water.
I have spoken to enough men and women on both sides of the situation to know that giving to the wrong person, no matter how good your intentions, is very rarely ‘rewarded’. For the women who give too much, this is the reality: When you keep giving and giving and are always there, despite the fact that he has only one foot in the relationship or doesn’t want what you have to offer, he thinks ‘CAN’T SHE SEE I’M NOT INTERESTED?! CAN’T SHE SEE THAT I’M NOT THE ONE FOR HER? CAN’T SHE TAKE A HINT? WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR HER TO GET THE MESSAGE’. Not really very nice is it?
Yes, these guys could just open up their mouth’s but that would require them to have balls and not fear confrontation. And, let’s be truthful: How many of us have suffered with I’m Hearing Him But I’m Not Listening syndrome? With some women, it doesn’t matter what the guy says, she will still be there as sure as the sky will be above your heads. The type of guy that gets swept up in things because he doesn’t have the guts to bring about the type of conversation that might lead to a confrontation, eventually just ‘succumbs’ to what is happening. The reality is that both parties end up miserable in the end because in a situation like this, neither party is getting what they want.
Charming as it may seem, being the girl who gives everything for her man, regardless, is not a badge of honour. Don’t keep throwing everything plus the kitchen sink at men that don’t deserve you because the reality is that they will NEVER appreciate it and you deserve better.