In this episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I focus on the topic of interest and attention. Sparked by a friend not realising that she fancied the man she’s dating because she was looking out for signs of how she’s usually interested [with emotionally unavailable men], I wanted to explore why we get confused about whether we fancy someone.
I talk about:
- The importance of remembering that healthy connections regulate you while unhealthy connections destabilise.
- The impact of societal and personal conditioning on not just who we’re interested in but our actual perception of what interest constitutes
- The major association that we have with interest and attraction that’s become the pothole that we keep walking into
- Overcorrelating a small piece of information about a person and deducing that we know the whole person, including what cognitive bias means
- Why we overthink our interest
- The all-important clue that lets us know whether our interest and attraction to someone is coming from a genuine, healthy place
- Why trying to convince ourselves into being interested in someone is doing us and them a disservice
- Why we sometimes take it really badly when someone doesn’t reciprocate our interest and feelings
- How differentiating between ego and inner voice can help us to chill out a bit more over the vulnerability of getting to know someone
Links mentioned in the episode (and some extras)
- My book Love, Care, Trust & Respect
- They’re Too Nice To Break Up With
- Podcast Ep. 73: Is Lack of Curiosity Indicative of Disinterest?
- There’s A Big Difference Between Interest and Commitment
- Don’t Conflate Common Interests With Character and Shared Core Values
- Great On Paper, Not So Great In Reality: Why superficial reasons don’t carry much weight with deep decisions
- Do You HAVE To Feel Instant Attraction? Why It’s Time To Stop Acting Like You’re A Love Psychic
- Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie
- Download the Feelings Diary Guide
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