Do we really want closure, or are we trying to win at proving we’re a Good Person?

When we’re a people pleaser, perfectionist or overthinker who’s likely been prone to overgiving and over-responsibility, there can be a tendency to want to control endings, including how the other party perceives us. We go through a break-up or have a...

Being together 24/7 or sharing all the same interests won’t make a happy relationship

Our assumptions about what makes for a happy relationship are a source of unnecessary tension and frustration in our relationships. It’s this idea that ‘soulmates’ (or certainly people who ‘really love each other’) want to spend every spare moment together. We...

Podcast Ep. 234: *Sometimes* We’re Controlling in Our Relationships

I’m back following my summer break! In this episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I explain common scenarios where we don’t realise that we’re trying to be in control. Like when we take over in our relationships, play rescuer, or choose...

Worrying About Being Overzealous and Going Overboard With Your Boundaries

Often, when we recognise our boundary issues, it’s all-too-easy to start chopping and cutting. We think that distancing ourselves, restricting our circle, maybe calling out the people we believe have taken advantage, is the way to go. But then we tend to second-guess...

Podcast Ep. 217: Trust is a gamble, but we can learn to make good bets

Humans devote so much bandwidth into trying to dodge vulnerability, controlling the uncontrollable, and belatedly addressing boundary issues to allay their fears and insecurities. But our habits wreck our confidence, sabotage intimacy, and can inadvertently cause us...