Wanting Romantic Relationship Status More Than Being a Loving Partner

In Bird by Bird, the bestselling writing guide by memoirist Anne Lamott, she breaks down an issue she repeatedly encounters with students in her writing groups. “The problem that comes up over and over again is that these people want to be published. They kind...

It helps a great deal when we do things because we want to

A crucial aspect of changing our relationship with no and boundaries is recognising where we do things from a place of obligation instead of desire. Much of what drives people-pleasing habits is a misplaced belief that we have to do what we do. As a result,...

You’re seeking the feeling, not the thing

Every last thing that humans do is about our attempts to meet our needs. Because how well our needs are being met is communicated via our feelings, they’re emotional needs. There is this tendency for us to attach ourselves to fixed outcomes, goals, markers of...

Needs and wants are not about being worthy and deserving

Central to the story of every struggle that someone has shared with me is the underlying notion that if only they were more worthy and deserving, they would have got what they needed and wanted, or they could be who they truly are. Believing that we are sufficiently...

We don’t need to give away power to be, do and have what we want

Sometimes we set goals that are rooted in someone else’s actions, not ours. We decide that we want something. Rather than think about the actionable steps and the specific nature of the desire, we first identify a vague(ish) goal. Example: I want to be loved. I...