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Podcast Ep. 276: New Year, New No, and Recognising the Dark Side of People Pleasing

by NATALIE | Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

In the final 2022 episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I share a deleted chapter from my forthcoming book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want. Originally titled Gone Girl, Tiger Woods,...
There Really Is No Pleasing Unpleasable People, and That’s Okay

There Really Is No Pleasing Unpleasable People, and That’s Okay

by NATALIE | Healthier Relationships

Something I’ve come to fundamentally understand in adulthood is there’s no pleasing some people. And it’s not because you didn’t try hard enough or that there’s something wrong with you–some people don’t want to be pleased....

Podcast Ep. 214: We Don’t Need To Put So Much Bandwidth Into Keeping Up Appearances

by NATALIE | Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I talk about why keeping up appearances as a way of life can be so damaging and why we’ve got to connect with who we really are and want to be so that we stop reinforcing negative stories and outdated...

Asking For Help Isn’t Reserved for Struggles and Emergencies

by NATALIE | Happiness & Self-Esteem

This year, a chief focus is pushing myself to ask for more help than I’m comfortable with. Thanks to being an over-responsible child who then became an over-responsible adult, I am well versed in “being strong”. My default setting is doing things myself, which...

People Pleasing and the Fear of ‘Inconveniencing’ Others

by NATALIE | Boundaries

Something I’m very aware of is that I have an in-built discomfort about ‘inconveniencing’ others. Thanks to being a recovering people pleaser and it being as natural to me as breathing because it started in early childhood, my longstanding habit was...
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Copyright Natalie Lue 2005-2023, All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work.

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Oct 2

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Where do I even begin! Eighteen years and three weeks ago, I started writing Baggage Reclaim. I never imagined what it would lead to. All I’d set out to do was help at least *one* person avoid what I’d been through or to navigate their way out of an unhealthy situation. I wound up doing so much more. 2023 has been tricky. I’ve slowed down, paused/stopped a number of things, including The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, and made space for grieving and getting a sense of how I want to proceed. The publishing process for The Joy of Saying No took a lot out of me. I’ve sometimes felt lost and unsteady. Oh, and I also broke up with my mother. It’s been a lot. A few months back, after meeting @ohmygoshitsjackie at an event and hearing her talk about Baggage Reclaim’s impact, it really hit me that I couldn’t let this milestone anniversary go without celebration. I booked a venue @up_brixton and this past weekend, I *celebrated* with a host of family, friends, readers and listeners 🎉🎉🎉 We know how to rave! Thank you to everyone who’s supported me over the years. 🙏🏾🙏🏾 So many of us struggle with feelings of abandonment, rejection, feeling not good enough, and people pleasing with emotionally unavailable and shady folks. We’ve been scared of boundaries, expressing our needs, being less than perfect, and becoming more of who we are, and so we settle for crumbs and abandon and hurt ourselves in the process. My intention has and always will be to help people overcome the emotional baggage that creates these patterns so that we enjoy more love, care, trust and respect and break these generational patterns. Peeps, don’t wait to be picked or for others to celebrate you, and please don’t burn yourself out trying to please others. Take care of you. #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries

Where do I even begin! Eighteen years and three weeks ago, I started writing Baggage Reclaim. I never imagined what it would lead to. All I’d set out to do was help at least *one* person avoid what I’d been through or to navigate their way out of an unhealthy situation. I wound up doing so much more.

2023 has been tricky. I’ve slowed down, paused/stopped a number of things, including The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, and made space for grieving and getting a sense of how I want to proceed. The publishing process for The Joy of Saying No took a lot out of me. I’ve sometimes felt lost and unsteady. Oh, and I also broke up with my mother. It’s been a lot.

A few months back, after meeting @ohmygoshitsjackie at an event and hearing her talk about Baggage Reclaim’s impact, it really hit me that I couldn’t let this milestone anniversary go without celebration. I booked a venue @up_brixton and this past weekend, I *celebrated* with a host of family, friends, readers and listeners 🎉🎉🎉 We know how to rave!

Thank you to everyone who’s supported me over the years. 🙏🏾🙏🏾

So many of us struggle with feelings of abandonment, rejection, feeling not good enough, and people pleasing with emotionally unavailable and shady folks. We’ve been scared of boundaries, expressing our needs, being less than perfect, and becoming more of who we are, and so we settle for crumbs and abandon and hurt ourselves in the process.

My intention has and always will be to help people overcome the emotional baggage that creates these patterns so that we enjoy more love, care, trust and respect and break these generational patterns.

Peeps, don’t wait to be picked or for others to celebrate you, and please don’t burn yourself out trying to please others. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries ...

natlue

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Sep 10

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If, when someone pisses you off or they don’t meet your expectations, you immediately remember all the things you’ve ‘done’ for them, you need to check yourself and *stop* people pleasing. You’re doing what *might* be good things but for the wrong reasons, and that’s what makes it problematic. Those aren’t favours; they’re contracts. Be aware of your intentions and motivations, including what you hope to get back or what you’re trying to control or avoid. This way, you don’t have to feel resentful or worn out, and your relationships get to be loving and boundaried. #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasing #thejoyofsayingno

If, when someone pisses you off or they don’t meet your expectations, you immediately remember all the things you’ve ‘done’ for them, you need to check yourself and *stop* people pleasing.

You’re doing what *might* be good things but for the wrong reasons, and that’s what makes it problematic. Those aren’t favours; they’re contracts. Be aware of your intentions and motivations, including what you hope to get back or what you’re trying to control or avoid. This way, you don’t have to feel resentful or worn out, and your relationships get to be loving and boundaried.

#boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasing #thejoyofsayingno ...

natlue

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May 2

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Sometimes when we realise that we’re not being treated right despite not having done anything wrong and all our pleasing effort, we hang around waiting for the other party to see the error of their ways. It’s as if we hope we’ll create a tipping point of people pleasing where they spontaneously combust into someone else. But waiting around for someone to do the right thing causes us to do the wrong thing by and to ourselves. Instead of waiting, we can say no to anymore of their shenanigans and choose love, care, trust and respect for ourselves in the process. 📖 The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now.

Sometimes when we realise that we’re not being treated right despite not having done anything wrong and all our pleasing effort, we hang around waiting for the other party to see the error of their ways. It’s as if we hope we’ll create a tipping point of people pleasing where they spontaneously combust into someone else. But waiting around for someone to do the right thing causes us to do the wrong thing by and to ourselves. Instead of waiting, we can say no to anymore of their shenanigans and choose love, care, trust and respect for ourselves in the process.

📖 The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. ...

natlue

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Mar 16

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There isn’t a tipping point of people pleasing where you finally start reaping the rewards and you’re set free to be yourself. Now is the perfect time to be more you. #peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries

There isn’t a tipping point of people pleasing where you finally start reaping the rewards and you’re set free to be yourself. Now is the perfect time to be more you.

#peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries ...

natlue

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Feb 15

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As a recovering people pleaser, I’m done with jumping through hoops trying to prove myself to unpleasable people. Done! Hard pass! Not doing it! You don’t need to keep proving yourself or trying to earn their approval, and whoever you first learned to do this with taught you to believe you *had* to be a people pleaser. If you have a parent, friend, *someone* in your life that feels perpetually disappointed in you and maybe even feels entitled to make their feelings and issues your problem, it’s okay to say no to this malarkey. Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio. #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #codependentnomore #healthyboundaries #narcissisticabuse

As a recovering people pleaser, I’m done with jumping through hoops trying to prove myself to unpleasable people. Done! Hard pass! Not doing it!

You don’t need to keep proving yourself or trying to earn their approval, and whoever you first learned to do this with taught you to believe you *had* to be a people pleaser. If you have a parent, friend, *someone* in your life that feels perpetually disappointed in you and maybe even feels entitled to make their feelings and issues your problem, it’s okay to say no to this malarkey.

Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio.

#recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #codependentnomore #healthyboundaries #narcissisticabuse ...

natlue

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Jan 16

Open
Sometimes the person you need to say no to is *yourself*. My eldest took this photo of me last Tuesday the 10th, launch day for my book, The Joy of Saying No, in the US and Canada. Although, of course, I was pleased it’s finally out, truth be told, I was mostly *knackered* that day. It would be easy to put myself under a load of pressure to try to do All The Things in the name of book promo, but my body said no to hoeing myself out. Instead, I’ve had a lot of quiet time, a few super early nights where I’ve been fast asleep by 9.30, and have put myself under strict orders to stop overloading my schedule. It’s not all about day one or week one for the book, and I don’t want to resent it or myself. So I’ve given myself time to decompress and feel out the next yeses and nos. I just can’t and won’t do things from a place of anxiety because it wreaks havoc on my nervous system. The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio. Please buy it! 🎉🙏🏾😆

Sometimes the person you need to say no to is *yourself*. My eldest took this photo of me last Tuesday the 10th, launch day for my book, The Joy of Saying No, in the US and Canada. Although, of course, I was pleased it’s finally out, truth be told, I was mostly *knackered* that day. It would be easy to put myself under a load of pressure to try to do All The Things in the name of book promo, but my body said no to hoeing myself out.

Instead, I’ve had a lot of quiet time, a few super early nights where I’ve been fast asleep by 9.30, and have put myself under strict orders to stop overloading my schedule. It’s not all about day one or week one for the book, and I don’t want to resent it or myself. So I’ve given myself time to decompress and feel out the next yeses and nos. I just can’t and won’t do things from a place of anxiety because it wreaks havoc on my nervous system.

The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Link in bio. Please buy it! 🎉🙏🏾😆 ...

natlue

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Jan 5

Open
Committing to someone who’s on the fence about you is betrayal of the self. This isn’t the Hokey Cokey (or Pokey)! They’re either in or they’re out! When you say no to being in one-sided and lopsided relationships, you say yes to loving yourself and prioritising mutually fulfilling relationships with love, care, trust and respect. Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Order your copy (link in bio) #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #baggagereclaim #codependentnomore #peoplepleasernomore #thejoyofsayingno

Committing to someone who’s on the fence about you is betrayal of the self. This isn’t the Hokey Cokey (or Pokey)! They’re either in or they’re out!

When you say no to being in one-sided and lopsided relationships, you say yes to loving yourself and prioritising mutually fulfilling relationships with love, care, trust and respect.

Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Order your copy (link in bio)

#recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #baggagereclaim #codependentnomore #peoplepleasernomore #thejoyofsayingno ...

natlue

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Jan 4

Open
When someone shows you who they are that’s *information*, not judgment of how “good” you’ve been or the effort you’ve made. It’s also not a punishment. New year, new no. Say no to blaming yourself for who people are. When you show up authentically and choose to be more you, people being themselves allows you to filter out the wrong relationships and say yes to the right ones. Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Order your copy (link in bio) #baggagereclaim #boundariesarehealthy #codependentnomore #peoplepleasernomore #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyrelationships #thejoyofsayingno

When someone shows you who they are that’s *information*, not judgment of how “good” you’ve been or the effort you’ve made. It’s also not a punishment.

New year, new no. Say no to blaming yourself for who people are. When you show up authentically and choose to be more you, people being themselves allows you to filter out the wrong relationships and say yes to the right ones.

Don’t forget that my book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Please, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out this month. Order your copy (link in bio)

#baggagereclaim #boundariesarehealthy #codependentnomore #peoplepleasernomore #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyrelationships #thejoyofsayingno ...

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Baggage Reclaim is a trading name of LueSim Ltd. Registered no 8939332. Registered in England & Wales. Registered office: Bda Associates Limited Annecy Court, Ferry Works, Summer Road, Thames Ditton, Surrey, England, KT7 0QJ.

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