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Podcast Ep. 119: Happy Christmas, Ex! And By The Way…

Podcast Ep. 119: Happy Christmas, Ex! And By The Way…

by NATALIE | Dec 7, 2018 | Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

It’s that time of year when I get a lot of people asking me questions like “Should I wish my ex a merry Christmas?” and “Is it a bad idea to break No Contact to wish my ex a happy Christmas/birthday/New Year?” On this week’s episode...

Podcast Ep. 12: ‘Tis The Season To Be Stressed Out, Toxic Type, Knowing When To Fold

by NATALIE | Nov 14, 2015 | Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

It’s time for the weekly episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast. The universe seems to be having a bit of a laugh at the moment where it’s throwing me opportunities to stand up for myself. I’d actually written in my journal a while back that I...
Stop letting December stress you out! It’s JUST Christmas!

Stop letting December stress you out! It’s JUST Christmas!

by NATALIE | Dec 13, 2013 | The BS Diet

My inbox is filling up with stories from people who pretty much expect a Miracle On Assclown Street to happen this month. If not that, they’re certainly thinking that this month defines how well they’ve done as a person this year. It’s the whole...
Do you have an Overactive Guilt Thyroid? Why it’s time to lose the misplaced sense of obligation over birthday greetings to exes, text replies etc

Do you have an Overactive Guilt Thyroid? Why it’s time to lose the misplaced sense of obligation over birthday greetings to exes, text replies etc

by NATALIE | Dec 9, 2013 | The BS Diet

When I hear stories from readers regarding their angst about whether or not to do something, it becomes clear that when we tie ourselves up in knots over stuff like whether to send a birthday greeting to an ex, whether to agree to a favour, whether to reply to a text,...
Excerpt from The No Contact Rule: Dealing with ‘occasions’ like birthdays post-breakup

Excerpt from The No Contact Rule: Dealing with ‘occasions’ like birthdays post-breakup

by NATALIE | Aug 16, 2013 | Boundaried Breakups

Birthdays, Easter, Valentines, Thanksgiving, Christmas/The Holidays, National Curry Day, the FA Cup Final, the birth of a baby, bereavements, anniversaries and the list goes on. There are clearly a lot of reasons we can find to break No Contact and get in touch with...
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  • How To Tell Someone You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting
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natlue

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natlue

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Sep 29

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Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If saying yes to something means that you’re going to have to self-medicate to anaesthetise feelings of shame, resentment and powerlessness, or you’re going to have to spend weeks or even months untangling yourself in therapy, you need to say no. #boundaries #healthyboundaries #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut

Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If saying yes to something means that you’re going to have to self-medicate to anaesthetise feelings of shame, resentment and powerlessness, or you’re going to have to spend weeks or even months untangling yourself in therapy, you need to say no.

#boundaries #healthyboundaries #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut ...

natlue

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Sep 22

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A lesson I've learned time and again is that I don't have to turn everything into a measure of how ’good’ or ’perfect’ I was. Part of what turned me into a recovering people-pleaser was realising how much me using being good and trying to be perfect was about trying to control the uncontrollable. I got tired of breaking my own heart and calling it someone else’s doing. Once you take your worth off the chopping block and recognise that you can’t Jedi mind trick everyone with your people-pleasing, you get to enjoy life and all of its flavour, including joy, by being more of who you really are. You stop taking other people’s feelings and behaviour, as well as life not always going your way, less personally. I do a deep dive on taking things to personally in the current episode (196) of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast which is available on all podcast players. Also, link in bio. #donttakeitpersonal #donttakeitpersonally #emotionalintelligence #baggagereclaim healthyboundaries #selfexpression #listeningtoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself

A lesson I've learned time and again is that I don't have to turn everything into a measure of how ’good’ or ’perfect’ I was. Part of what turned me into a recovering people-pleaser was realising how much me using being good and trying to be perfect was about trying to control the uncontrollable. I got tired of breaking my own heart and calling it someone else’s doing.

Once you take your worth off the chopping block and recognise that you can’t Jedi mind trick everyone with your people-pleasing, you get to enjoy life and all of its flavour, including joy, by being more of who you really are. You stop taking other people’s feelings and behaviour, as well as life not always going your way, less personally.

I do a deep dive on taking things to personally in the current episode (196) of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast which is available on all podcast players. Also, link in bio.

#donttakeitpersonal #donttakeitpersonally #emotionalintelligence #baggagereclaim healthyboundaries #selfexpression #listeningtoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself ...

natlue

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Sep 21

Open
Something that so many people struggle with is trying to figure out if something is a problem. If the actions are off, they focus on the words. If the words are off, they focus on actions that they think fit the picture of how they want things to be. Often the very thing they’re struggling with about someone else points to something they themselves are doing in another form. Like when we say that we can’t stand someone’s ambiguity but are hiding our needs and afraid to have a clear conversation. Why? Well, it suits our hidden agenda of, for example, hiding from our fear of commitment or rejection. At the end of the day, if actions and words don’t consistently match, there’s a problem. We have to be willing to recognise and address this if our relationships are to be mutually fulfilling and our self-esteem a source of nourishment. And much as you might focus on where someone is out of alignment, it’s as important to ensure that your actions and words take you towards who you are, not away from it. You don’t have to be perfect about it, but the more intentional you are in showing up as who you say you are and doing the things that reflect your values, the more your life feels good to and for you. #integritymatters #integrity #corevalues #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfexpression #listeningtoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #emotionalunavailability

Something that so many people struggle with is trying to figure out if something is a problem. If the actions are off, they focus on the words. If the words are off, they focus on actions that they think fit the picture of how they want things to be. Often the very thing they’re struggling with about someone else points to something they themselves are doing in another form. Like when we say that we can’t stand someone’s ambiguity but are hiding our needs and afraid to have a clear conversation. Why? Well, it suits our hidden agenda of, for example, hiding from our fear of commitment or rejection.

At the end of the day, if actions and words don’t consistently match, there’s a problem. We have to be willing to recognise and address this if our relationships are to be mutually fulfilling and our self-esteem a source of nourishment.

And much as you might focus on where someone is out of alignment, it’s as important to ensure that your actions and words take you towards who you are, not away from it. You don’t have to be perfect about it, but the more intentional you are in showing up as who you say you are and doing the things that reflect your values, the more your life feels good to and for you.

#integritymatters #integrity #corevalues #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfexpression #listeningtoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #emotionalunavailability ...

natlue

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Sep 18

Open
Before I embraced saying no as part of having healthier boundaries, I used to begrudge saying it. It was as if I thought I was supposed to say yes to everything even when it would lead to pain. I was scared that saying no to something I deep down knew wasn’t right would stop me from having the fairy tale ending. I eventually learned that even though saying no might make me feel uncomfortable or disappointed in the short term, accepting it allowed me to be open to something else I could say yes to further down the line. Be thankful that you said no. It released you from something that wasn’t in your best interests. #gratitudeattitude #blessingsindisguise #howtosayno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfworth #listentoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #selfexpression

Before I embraced saying no as part of having healthier boundaries, I used to begrudge saying it. It was as if I thought I was supposed to say yes to everything even when it would lead to pain. I was scared that saying no to something I deep down knew wasn’t right would stop me from having the fairy tale ending. I eventually learned that even though saying no might make me feel uncomfortable or disappointed in the short term, accepting it allowed me to be open to something else I could say yes to further down the line.

Be thankful that you said no. It released you from something that wasn’t in your best interests.

#gratitudeattitude #blessingsindisguise #howtosayno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfworth #listentoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #selfexpression ...

natlue

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Sep 16

Open
One of the main objections I hear from people who are resistant to creating healthier boundaries and learning to say no when they need, should or want to is that they will scare ’everyone’ away. Anyone who is genuinely aggrieved by you having boundaries is someone who will, through their own boundary issues, end up mashing up your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing if you don't figure out how to manage your side of the street in the dynamic. You can't have the life, including the relationships, experiences and sense of wellbeing that reflects healthier boundaries without, well, having the boundaries. #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut

One of the main objections I hear from people who are resistant to creating healthier boundaries and learning to say no when they need, should or want to is that they will scare ’everyone’ away. Anyone who is genuinely aggrieved by you having boundaries is someone who will, through their own boundary issues, end up mashing up your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing if you don't figure out how to manage your side of the street in the dynamic. You can't have the life, including the relationships, experiences and sense of wellbeing that reflects healthier boundaries without, well, having the boundaries.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut ...

natlue

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Sep 14

Open
Shame is a sign that you’ve taken on something (or a lot of things) that aren't true. And some people *want* you to feel bad so that they can continue what they’re doing or not look too closely at themselves. If someone seems to need to break you down to boost themselves or distorts your reality with their gaslighting, it’s a code red alert that this isn’t a safe person and connection. #baggagereclaim #selflove #innercritic #shame #shameresilience #gaslightingawareness #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships

Shame is a sign that you’ve taken on something (or a lot of things) that aren't true. And some people *want* you to feel bad so that they can continue what they’re doing or not look too closely at themselves. If someone seems to need to break you down to boost themselves or distorts your reality with their gaslighting, it’s a code red alert that this isn’t a safe person and connection.

#baggagereclaim #selflove #innercritic #shame #shameresilience #gaslightingawareness #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships ...

natlue

View

Sep 13

Open
Happy 15th birthday to my blog Baggage Reclaim! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 Fifteen years ago, after more than a year of blogging on my personal blog, I experienced an awakening. After finishing it with Yet Another Mr Unavailable who ‘suddenly’ realised that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and also being told that I had to go on steroids for life to avoid keeling over by forty, it hit me that I’m the common denominator. I’m the only person who’s shown up to every scene, act and moment of my life. No, I’m not to blame for other people’s stuff or for what I experienced in childhood, but it hit me that I needed to consider what I was bringing to every situation. The answer: self-hate, fear of saying no, rejection, abandonment and trauma wounds, and more. I spoke out loud on my then personal blog about the things that I thought made me weird and unlovable. Genuinely thought I was a f-up. I was inundated with messages from people saying that I was describing them. “You’re me!” I realised that I’m not alone and decided to share my journey out loud on a site that I dedicated to helping people reclaim themselves from all the bullshit and baggage they’re carrying around. My mission from the outset was to help at least one person avoid what I had been through or help someone get out of it. I’ve done that many many times over! Baggage Reclaim was and is a way of paying it forward. It gives a voice to every person who has felt abandoned, unlovable, unworthy and not good enough—the people-pleasers, perfectionists and overthinkers of this world who sell themselves short whether it’s in love, work, or life in general. I put words to things that so many of us think is our weirdness. Thanks to everyone who has supported me and Baggage Reclaim. It’s the readers and listeners who make it what it is and who have enabled me to do what I love full time for almost 13 years. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s always been more than worth it. Cheers to more years ahead! 🔥🎉🙏🏾 #baggagereclaim #selfpublishing #emotionalbaggage #boundaries #selflove #selflovejourney

Happy 15th birthday to my blog Baggage Reclaim! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 Fifteen years ago, after more than a year of blogging on my personal blog, I experienced an awakening. After finishing it with Yet Another Mr Unavailable who ‘suddenly’ realised that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and also being told that I had to go on steroids for life to avoid keeling over by forty, it hit me that I’m the common denominator. I’m the only person who’s shown up to every scene, act and moment of my life. No, I’m not to blame for other people’s stuff or for what I experienced in childhood, but it hit me that I needed to consider what I was bringing to every situation. The answer: self-hate, fear of saying no, rejection, abandonment and trauma wounds, and more.

I spoke out loud on my then personal blog about the things that I thought made me weird and unlovable. Genuinely thought I was a f-up. I was inundated with messages from people saying that I was describing them. “You’re me!”

I realised that I’m not alone and decided to share my journey out loud on a site that I dedicated to helping people reclaim themselves from all the bullshit and baggage they’re carrying around. My mission from the outset was to help at least one person avoid what I had been through or help someone get out of it. I’ve done that many many times over!

Baggage Reclaim was and is a way of paying it forward. It gives a voice to every person who has felt abandoned, unlovable, unworthy and not good enough—the people-pleasers, perfectionists and overthinkers of this world who sell themselves short whether it’s in love, work, or life in general. I put words to things that so many of us think is our weirdness.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me and Baggage Reclaim. It’s the readers and listeners who make it what it is and who have enabled me to do what I love full time for almost 13 years. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s always been more than worth it. Cheers to more years ahead! 🔥🎉🙏🏾

#baggagereclaim #selfpublishing #emotionalbaggage #boundaries #selflove #selflovejourney ...

natlue

View

Sep 9

Open
One of the best things you can do to reduce tension, anxiety, resentment and general ill feeling from doing what might seem like ‘good’ things at the time but for the wrong reasons, is check in with you about what’s driving your actions, thinking and choices. Is your yes a response to who you are or a reaction to what you’re afraid of? Is it about lining up with your values or avoiding conflict, criticism, displeasing or rejection? If your yes isn’t based on who you are, you will run into problems and pain because you haven’t respected your boundaries. Know your intentions and motivations, and let your values, not your fears, be the primary driver of how you show up and what you say yes, no and maybe to. Any time you say yes because of what you’re avoiding or due to trying to influence and control how others perceive you, you take a detour from taking care of you and the things and relationships that matter. #emotionalintelligence #sayno #authenticself #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut

One of the best things you can do to reduce tension, anxiety, resentment and general ill feeling from doing what might seem like ‘good’ things at the time but for the wrong reasons, is check in with you about what’s driving your actions, thinking and choices.

Is your yes a response to who you are or a reaction to what you’re afraid of? Is it about lining up with your values or avoiding conflict, criticism, displeasing or rejection? If your yes isn’t based on who you are, you will run into problems and pain because you haven’t respected your boundaries.

Know your intentions and motivations, and let your values, not your fears, be the primary driver of how you show up and what you say yes, no and maybe to. Any time you say yes because of what you’re avoiding or due to trying to influence and control how others perceive you, you take a detour from taking care of you and the things and relationships that matter.

#emotionalintelligence #sayno #authenticself #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut ...

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