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Podcast Ep. 75: #Relationshipgoals, The Common Denominator, Wanting Love Is OK

Podcast Ep. 75: #Relationshipgoals, The Common Denominator, Wanting Love Is OK

by NATALIE | Feb 10, 2017 | Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

Welcome to another episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions. In episode 75, I cover: #relationship goals: I was a guest on the Melanin Millennials podcast earlier this week for their relationships special and we got onto the topic of people posting photos etc with the...
Podcast Ep. 75: #Relationshipgoals, The Common Denominator, Wanting Love Is OK

Podcast Ep. 73: Is Lack of Curiosity Indicative of Disinterest?, Personal Anniversaries, Being OK With Disapproval

by NATALIE | Jan 27, 2017 | Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

Welcome to another episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions. In episode 73, I cover: Personal anniversaries: January 31st marks 16 years of living in London and 9 years of self-employment. I reflect on the significance of these big changes and the importance of...

Podcast Ep.22: Boundaries Aren’t About Ruling Others, Stressing Over Valentine’s Day

by NATALIE | Feb 6, 2016 | Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

It’s time for this week’s episode of  The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast! Here’s what I cover in episode 22: Why do we stress out over Valentine’s Day? I talk about why some people, single or not, find themselves feeling down over V-Day and offer up some...
There’s nothing wrong with wanting love and a relationship but the path we choose to achieve our desires has its own consequences

There’s nothing wrong with wanting love and a relationship but the path we choose to achieve our desires has its own consequences

by NATALIE | Feb 12, 2015 | Healthier Relationships

I listen to people express their desire for a relationship and romantic love and there are a significant portion of these who come across embarrassed and almost apologetic. They feel as if they have to defend how they feel and what they believe, and some of these...

Have you been affected by The 12 Weeks of Self-Esteem Torment?

by NATALIE | Feb 12, 2014 | Happiness & Self-Esteem

Certain times of year prompt anxiety, comparison, and sadness in us. Each year many singles, as well as people who are in toxic relationships or who are at the very least feeling emotionally undernourished whether they’re single or not, spend a few months...
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MOST POPULAR POSTS

  • When You’re Accused of Cheating
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  • Don’t They Care About Me? Didn’t I Mean Something To Them?
  • How To Tell Someone You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting
  • Why Do They Keep Having Sex With Me If They’re Not Interested Or Don’t Want The Relationship I Want?
  • 10 Signs That A Guy Wants You Just For Sex
  • Reader Question: What does it mean when a man says ‘I can’t give you want you want’?
  • Letting Go of a Relationship That Doesn’t Exist
  • Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married/Attached Man
  • The Big Question: Will he try to get in contact with me?

RECENT COMMENTS

  • Jan on Podcast Ep. 197: Using Code Amber and Code Red Alerts To Be More Boundaried
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  • NATALIE on Podcast Ep. 195: Are you being nice, or are you disguising anger and control?
  • NATALIE on Podcast Ep. 195: Are you being nice, or are you disguising anger and control?

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natlue

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natlue

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Sep 29

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Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If saying yes to something means that you’re going to have to self-medicate to anaesthetise feelings of shame, resentment and powerlessness, or you’re going to have to spend weeks or even months untangling yourself in therapy, you need to say no. #boundaries #healthyboundaries #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut

Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If saying yes to something means that you’re going to have to self-medicate to anaesthetise feelings of shame, resentment and powerlessness, or you’re going to have to spend weeks or even months untangling yourself in therapy, you need to say no.

#boundaries #healthyboundaries #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut ...

natlue

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Sep 22

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A lesson I've learned time and again is that I don't have to turn everything into a measure of how ’good’ or ’perfect’ I was. Part of what turned me into a recovering people-pleaser was realising how much me using being good and trying to be perfect was about trying to control the uncontrollable. I got tired of breaking my own heart and calling it someone else’s doing. Once you take your worth off the chopping block and recognise that you can’t Jedi mind trick everyone with your people-pleasing, you get to enjoy life and all of its flavour, including joy, by being more of who you really are. You stop taking other people’s feelings and behaviour, as well as life not always going your way, less personally. I do a deep dive on taking things to personally in the current episode (196) of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast which is available on all podcast players. Also, link in bio. #donttakeitpersonal #donttakeitpersonally #emotionalintelligence #baggagereclaim healthyboundaries #selfexpression #listeningtoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself

A lesson I've learned time and again is that I don't have to turn everything into a measure of how ’good’ or ’perfect’ I was. Part of what turned me into a recovering people-pleaser was realising how much me using being good and trying to be perfect was about trying to control the uncontrollable. I got tired of breaking my own heart and calling it someone else’s doing.

Once you take your worth off the chopping block and recognise that you can’t Jedi mind trick everyone with your people-pleasing, you get to enjoy life and all of its flavour, including joy, by being more of who you really are. You stop taking other people’s feelings and behaviour, as well as life not always going your way, less personally.

I do a deep dive on taking things to personally in the current episode (196) of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast which is available on all podcast players. Also, link in bio.

#donttakeitpersonal #donttakeitpersonally #emotionalintelligence #baggagereclaim healthyboundaries #selfexpression #listeningtoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself ...

natlue

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Sep 21

Open
Something that so many people struggle with is trying to figure out if something is a problem. If the actions are off, they focus on the words. If the words are off, they focus on actions that they think fit the picture of how they want things to be. Often the very thing they’re struggling with about someone else points to something they themselves are doing in another form. Like when we say that we can’t stand someone’s ambiguity but are hiding our needs and afraid to have a clear conversation. Why? Well, it suits our hidden agenda of, for example, hiding from our fear of commitment or rejection. At the end of the day, if actions and words don’t consistently match, there’s a problem. We have to be willing to recognise and address this if our relationships are to be mutually fulfilling and our self-esteem a source of nourishment. And much as you might focus on where someone is out of alignment, it’s as important to ensure that your actions and words take you towards who you are, not away from it. You don’t have to be perfect about it, but the more intentional you are in showing up as who you say you are and doing the things that reflect your values, the more your life feels good to and for you. #integritymatters #integrity #corevalues #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfexpression #listeningtoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #emotionalunavailability

Something that so many people struggle with is trying to figure out if something is a problem. If the actions are off, they focus on the words. If the words are off, they focus on actions that they think fit the picture of how they want things to be. Often the very thing they’re struggling with about someone else points to something they themselves are doing in another form. Like when we say that we can’t stand someone’s ambiguity but are hiding our needs and afraid to have a clear conversation. Why? Well, it suits our hidden agenda of, for example, hiding from our fear of commitment or rejection.

At the end of the day, if actions and words don’t consistently match, there’s a problem. We have to be willing to recognise and address this if our relationships are to be mutually fulfilling and our self-esteem a source of nourishment.

And much as you might focus on where someone is out of alignment, it’s as important to ensure that your actions and words take you towards who you are, not away from it. You don’t have to be perfect about it, but the more intentional you are in showing up as who you say you are and doing the things that reflect your values, the more your life feels good to and for you.

#integritymatters #integrity #corevalues #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfexpression #listeningtoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #emotionalunavailability ...

natlue

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Sep 18

Open
Before I embraced saying no as part of having healthier boundaries, I used to begrudge saying it. It was as if I thought I was supposed to say yes to everything even when it would lead to pain. I was scared that saying no to something I deep down knew wasn’t right would stop me from having the fairy tale ending. I eventually learned that even though saying no might make me feel uncomfortable or disappointed in the short term, accepting it allowed me to be open to something else I could say yes to further down the line. Be thankful that you said no. It released you from something that wasn’t in your best interests. #gratitudeattitude #blessingsindisguise #howtosayno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfworth #listentoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #selfexpression

Before I embraced saying no as part of having healthier boundaries, I used to begrudge saying it. It was as if I thought I was supposed to say yes to everything even when it would lead to pain. I was scared that saying no to something I deep down knew wasn’t right would stop me from having the fairy tale ending. I eventually learned that even though saying no might make me feel uncomfortable or disappointed in the short term, accepting it allowed me to be open to something else I could say yes to further down the line.

Be thankful that you said no. It released you from something that wasn’t in your best interests.

#gratitudeattitude #blessingsindisguise #howtosayno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfworth #listentoyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourintuition #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #selfexpression ...

natlue

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Sep 16

Open
One of the main objections I hear from people who are resistant to creating healthier boundaries and learning to say no when they need, should or want to is that they will scare ’everyone’ away. Anyone who is genuinely aggrieved by you having boundaries is someone who will, through their own boundary issues, end up mashing up your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing if you don't figure out how to manage your side of the street in the dynamic. You can't have the life, including the relationships, experiences and sense of wellbeing that reflects healthier boundaries without, well, having the boundaries. #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut

One of the main objections I hear from people who are resistant to creating healthier boundaries and learning to say no when they need, should or want to is that they will scare ’everyone’ away. Anyone who is genuinely aggrieved by you having boundaries is someone who will, through their own boundary issues, end up mashing up your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing if you don't figure out how to manage your side of the street in the dynamic. You can't have the life, including the relationships, experiences and sense of wellbeing that reflects healthier boundaries without, well, having the boundaries.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut ...

natlue

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Sep 14

Open
Shame is a sign that you’ve taken on something (or a lot of things) that aren't true. And some people *want* you to feel bad so that they can continue what they’re doing or not look too closely at themselves. If someone seems to need to break you down to boost themselves or distorts your reality with their gaslighting, it’s a code red alert that this isn’t a safe person and connection. #baggagereclaim #selflove #innercritic #shame #shameresilience #gaslightingawareness #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships

Shame is a sign that you’ve taken on something (or a lot of things) that aren't true. And some people *want* you to feel bad so that they can continue what they’re doing or not look too closely at themselves. If someone seems to need to break you down to boost themselves or distorts your reality with their gaslighting, it’s a code red alert that this isn’t a safe person and connection.

#baggagereclaim #selflove #innercritic #shame #shameresilience #gaslightingawareness #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships ...

natlue

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Sep 13

Open
Happy 15th birthday to my blog Baggage Reclaim! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 Fifteen years ago, after more than a year of blogging on my personal blog, I experienced an awakening. After finishing it with Yet Another Mr Unavailable who ‘suddenly’ realised that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and also being told that I had to go on steroids for life to avoid keeling over by forty, it hit me that I’m the common denominator. I’m the only person who’s shown up to every scene, act and moment of my life. No, I’m not to blame for other people’s stuff or for what I experienced in childhood, but it hit me that I needed to consider what I was bringing to every situation. The answer: self-hate, fear of saying no, rejection, abandonment and trauma wounds, and more. I spoke out loud on my then personal blog about the things that I thought made me weird and unlovable. Genuinely thought I was a f-up. I was inundated with messages from people saying that I was describing them. “You’re me!” I realised that I’m not alone and decided to share my journey out loud on a site that I dedicated to helping people reclaim themselves from all the bullshit and baggage they’re carrying around. My mission from the outset was to help at least one person avoid what I had been through or help someone get out of it. I’ve done that many many times over! Baggage Reclaim was and is a way of paying it forward. It gives a voice to every person who has felt abandoned, unlovable, unworthy and not good enough—the people-pleasers, perfectionists and overthinkers of this world who sell themselves short whether it’s in love, work, or life in general. I put words to things that so many of us think is our weirdness. Thanks to everyone who has supported me and Baggage Reclaim. It’s the readers and listeners who make it what it is and who have enabled me to do what I love full time for almost 13 years. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s always been more than worth it. Cheers to more years ahead! 🔥🎉🙏🏾 #baggagereclaim #selfpublishing #emotionalbaggage #boundaries #selflove #selflovejourney

Happy 15th birthday to my blog Baggage Reclaim! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 Fifteen years ago, after more than a year of blogging on my personal blog, I experienced an awakening. After finishing it with Yet Another Mr Unavailable who ‘suddenly’ realised that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and also being told that I had to go on steroids for life to avoid keeling over by forty, it hit me that I’m the common denominator. I’m the only person who’s shown up to every scene, act and moment of my life. No, I’m not to blame for other people’s stuff or for what I experienced in childhood, but it hit me that I needed to consider what I was bringing to every situation. The answer: self-hate, fear of saying no, rejection, abandonment and trauma wounds, and more.

I spoke out loud on my then personal blog about the things that I thought made me weird and unlovable. Genuinely thought I was a f-up. I was inundated with messages from people saying that I was describing them. “You’re me!”

I realised that I’m not alone and decided to share my journey out loud on a site that I dedicated to helping people reclaim themselves from all the bullshit and baggage they’re carrying around. My mission from the outset was to help at least one person avoid what I had been through or help someone get out of it. I’ve done that many many times over!

Baggage Reclaim was and is a way of paying it forward. It gives a voice to every person who has felt abandoned, unlovable, unworthy and not good enough—the people-pleasers, perfectionists and overthinkers of this world who sell themselves short whether it’s in love, work, or life in general. I put words to things that so many of us think is our weirdness.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me and Baggage Reclaim. It’s the readers and listeners who make it what it is and who have enabled me to do what I love full time for almost 13 years. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s always been more than worth it. Cheers to more years ahead! 🔥🎉🙏🏾

#baggagereclaim #selfpublishing #emotionalbaggage #boundaries #selflove #selflovejourney ...

natlue

View

Sep 9

Open
One of the best things you can do to reduce tension, anxiety, resentment and general ill feeling from doing what might seem like ‘good’ things at the time but for the wrong reasons, is check in with you about what’s driving your actions, thinking and choices. Is your yes a response to who you are or a reaction to what you’re afraid of? Is it about lining up with your values or avoiding conflict, criticism, displeasing or rejection? If your yes isn’t based on who you are, you will run into problems and pain because you haven’t respected your boundaries. Know your intentions and motivations, and let your values, not your fears, be the primary driver of how you show up and what you say yes, no and maybe to. Any time you say yes because of what you’re avoiding or due to trying to influence and control how others perceive you, you take a detour from taking care of you and the things and relationships that matter. #emotionalintelligence #sayno #authenticself #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut

One of the best things you can do to reduce tension, anxiety, resentment and general ill feeling from doing what might seem like ‘good’ things at the time but for the wrong reasons, is check in with you about what’s driving your actions, thinking and choices.

Is your yes a response to who you are or a reaction to what you’re afraid of? Is it about lining up with your values or avoiding conflict, criticism, displeasing or rejection? If your yes isn’t based on who you are, you will run into problems and pain because you haven’t respected your boundaries.

Know your intentions and motivations, and let your values, not your fears, be the primary driver of how you show up and what you say yes, no and maybe to. Any time you say yes because of what you’re avoiding or due to trying to influence and control how others perceive you, you take a detour from taking care of you and the things and relationships that matter.

#emotionalintelligence #sayno #authenticself #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut ...

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