I have decided to take a typical 12 step AA programme and create a drama reduction one.
1. We admit that we are Drama Seekers and addicted to relationship crack. Our relationships and sense of self have become unmanageable.
2. We are in charge of ourselves and our relationships. Drama can be as big or as little as we want it to be. The choice to engage is our choice alone.
3. We have come to believe that there is a greater power than drama or an assclown – that is ourselves. We will restore ourselves to sanity and take charge of our experiences.
4. We are going to take stock of all aspects of our lives and become aware of our fears both internal and external that serve to motivate our drama seeking and exacerbate our low self-esteem.
5. We are and will continue to admit to ourselves and to another human being that at times we have erred but we are greater than what we consider to be our ‘relationship mistakes’ and we will embrace ourselves and our past and move forward.
6. We are committed to loving ourselves and engaging in relationships and activities that serve to make us happy and bring out the best in us.
7. We have looked objectively at our relationship history and admitted when we’ve been involved with emotionally unavailable, and in some instances, shady folk, but are also accountable for our own contribution into our relationship pasts.
8. We have either made amends where the drama was internal and the person wasn’t at fault, or we have or are taking the appropriate steps to disentangle ourselves from inappropriate relationships, whether that involves No Contact, or making clear our expectations and boundaries.
9. We will make a concerted effort every day to live lives that involve minimal drama, whether that be on our own, or with a partner. We will bow out of relationships and interactions that diminish our self-esteem and devalue us, typically unavailable relationships.
10. We will have Conscious Relationships and we recognise that relationships don’t ‘happen’, that they take the sum of two people, have both parties with both of their feet in, and they do require work (although not negative drama work but two people who operate in the best interests of each other and the relationship). Relationships won’t just ‘happen’ to us; we will actively choose positive relationships.
11. We will have an Epiphany Moment or Relationship as a result of the awakening caused by these steps.
12. We will try to carry this message to other women and empower each other to want more for ourselves and out of our relationships. We will embrace each other and sisterhood and support each other as we realise that it’s better to be single, than feel alone with someone who reduces our self-esteem and isn’t present and accountable for the relationship, and even worse, create or triggers drama seeking.
Just say NO! to assclowns and relationship crack ladies!
Your thoughts?
If you are a Drama Seeker, you should be reading my ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and buy and download.
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I love this! I’ve often thought of creating the same thing, but have never taken the time to actually do it! Bravo!
my fave:
2. We are in charge of ourselves and our relationships. Drama can be as big or as little as we want it to be. The choice to engage is our choice alone.
no truer words were ever said. it’s up to us. it’s our choice what we ALLOW into our lives. and on those days when you feel the emotions to be sullen and melodramatic, well, you may not have made that choice, but you do make the choice in how you react and act on it.
we ALL have days where we feel weak, vulnerably, lonely and yes, even sad to be alone.
However, you don’t have to act on it just because you feel it. It will pass, it always does.
xo
This is great, I really need this right now. I am trying to get my EUM out of my life, and we work together, and I’m having a really hard time because he is in my face every day! What do I do? How can I do the NC when I am forced to have contact? It’s getting to me today. I got stuck having to ride the train into work with him this morning, and it was agony. I’m miserable, and just want him to go away…..
LOVED this too! Great post NML! My fav is #10. Anything worth having takes work but you can’t do it alone. BOTH parties have to be working at it.
FinallyOver It – I can’t imagine seeing my EUM daily. It is hard enough to heal without them around. Maybe NML has some suggestions.
Finally over it,
I work with an ex EUM. We dated on and off for a few years. I was out with him one night and he told me he was going to Egypt in a few days to visit his family for a week. When he came back to work the news spreak quickly through the office that he had gotten engaged. He had gone to Egypt so his family could arrange a marriage for him. He never said a word to me about it. I was devastated. I felt like such a fool. I went out that weekend to drown my sorrow’s and hooked up with an ex. Well, I got pregnant. Now I am a single mom of a 3 year old. I still work with the ex EUM. He is married now with 2 kids. We are civil to eachother, but we really don’t talk anymore. The point is, I didn’t think I would ever get over him and I had to see him everyday, but as we both moved on with our lives it got easier. He became less and less important to me as I started to focus on other things. Now I see it was all for the best anyway. I would never have had my son if he didn’t go to Egypt. It is harder to get over someone when you see them everyday, but it is not impossible. Your feelings will fade.
LisaQ – Glad you love it. I think we need 12 steps for a few things but this was a good place to start.
Cheekie – It is so frustrating to consider yourself helpless and the fact of the matter is that we aren’t; it’s just easier to be resigned to a situation or cater to the drama. It always passes – amen! As LisaQ says – Don’t engage!
FinallyOverIt – Hopefully you have read the post I did about managing drama in the workplace! It’s todays post (29th april)
Kim – Glad you love it – You are sounding much different in the comments – I am pleased!
Karen – Wow! What a story and I am so glad that you see things for what they really are and know that you are blessed with a son. It’s true that we think we won’t get over them and then we surprise ourselves when we do. At the time we’re very focused on the present feeling. He sounds like a spineless jackass and kudos to you for dealing with the situation so well.