It’s happened to all of us. We are primped, dressed and ready for our evening out, and for some reason or another, he doesn’t show up. Sometimes, he doesn’t even have the courtesy to call and let you know that he isn’t going to make it. So how do we deal with this?
30 minutes after the date time, I tend to either find something else to do (highly recommended), or change into my boudoir knickers and get set for some much needed ‘Me’ time. If he does show up, he has alot of explaining to do and there is no way I’m going out with him that night (if ever again.)
For starters, let’s examine some points of view.
Is this the first date?: With the fast turnover for internet dating, he might have got his wires crossed. Or may hope that you did. Were you supposed to meet him somewhere and you are home waiting? However, I’ve noticed that the cause for him to totally standing you up on a first date is that he is already intimidated by you. Somehow you’ve managed to exceed his expectations already, and his overactive imagination has spooked him out of the date. Chalk it up as his loss and call the next guy on your list.
Did he have pre-date confirmation before the date?: I operate on the premise that there has to be a confirmation of any date before I even begin to get dressed. Let the guy know that he has to call you the day before or earlier in the day to confirm the date. Text messages and emails might work as well, but are not always reliable. Confirm details, where it’s taking place, who is picking up whom etc, and maintain clear communication if anything changes.
Has he done this before? First of all, boohoo to you for giving a guy that stood you up for no reason a second chance. As a woman whose time is in high demand, you shouldn’t even have gone out with him again to set a precedence. If he stands you up and calls to apologise, promising to make it up to you, take it with a grain of salt. If you do decide to go out with him, I would suggest not even getting ready on time and have him waiting on you. Nip the action in the bud, make some smart comments about it, then let it go. Don’t let it colour your whole evening…have fun, have drinks, let him pick up the tab, and then head on home (BY YOURSELF!).
Did he call you to cancel?: This is a big factor in deciding whether or not to give him a chance. If he called you earlier in the day to say that he was running late, and you were already expecting him to be late, then don’t stress that much. If he called you early enough for you to be able to cancel the date and have an evening of fun with your other friends, then he might be forgiven. However, if he calls you AFTER your date should have already started or doesn’t call at all, then babe, he didn’t really give a hoot in the first place. Don’t cut him any slack whatsoever.
Does he have a good reason? Most of the time, the bastard doesn’t. However, if he still wants to try to
get in your pants date you, he might come up with some lame ass story. Don’t fall for it. Unless it involved a car accident, his ghastly dismemberment/death, death in the family or some catastrophic natural disaster, and has supporting evidence for this claim, he is probably just yanking your chain. I love to see men wallow, so if he is kissing your feet and begging for forgiveness, please, don’t stop him! When he is done, politely say, “I just don’t think that you value and respect my time and if you can’t do that, then I have to find someone else who does,” and X him out of your life. If you still want to date him though, accept his apology, re-assess his dating potential and act accordingly.
Keep in mind that a guy that doesn’t value your time doesn’t value you as a person, and do you really want to be with someone that is always thinking about himself?
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide