For years I was holding my breath without realising. As I floundered around in a sea of bad taste in men, emotional unavailability, and my unbeknownst to me commitment-phobia, I was stifling myself and struggling to breathe.
Each new guy that appeared in my life had me holding my breath in anticipation that he might be ‘The One’ – nevermind that I was subconsciously repeating poor relationship patterns over and over again that meant that I was choosing men that were the least likely candidates for a relationship!
I’m not exactly sure what I was waiting on, but I, like a lot of women have held my breath as I anticipated that my life might change with a relationship; that somewhere out there was a man with my name on it that held the key to my happiness.
I’ve lived in fear, lived in ambiguity, and even though I hadn’t realised it at the time, in not loving myself too much, I was instead hoping that someone would come into my life that would let me feel good about myself, let me feel loved, and ultimately let me exhale.
The funny thing is that each guy that comes into your life whilst you’re like this just ends up causing you to hold your breath even more.
Maybe he’ll suddenly realise that I’m not that special…
Maybe he’ll go off me…
He’s bound to go off with someone else because that’s what all the guys I meet do…
This all seems too good to be true. There has to be a catch…
I should be happy…yet I’m not…but I want this to be it…
Please let this be it because I just don’t think I can face starting over…
A few years back, I wrote a post called ‘exhale, embrace, and enjoy’ a couple of months before I met ‘the boyf’ and it was at a time in my life when I had finally begun to recognise that how happy or miserable I am, is largely down to myself.
It’s about how you can look back and say ‘Coulda, woulda, shoulda’, or ‘I can’t/I won’t/I wouldn’t’ or ‘Maybe this/Maybe that’ but at some point, you have to take a leap of faith on yourself, and when you are in a healthier place, you’ll also realise that when you do find a healthy relationship, you’ll have to take a leap of faith on that too.
We hold our breath out of fear, lack of confidence in ourselves, and underlying beliefs about ourselves, love, and relationships that create an undercurrent of foreboding. I’ve previously written about how I learned to love myself (also part two) but ultimately it comes down to:
You can choose to live in your fears or you can believe in the best possible you and start leading a life that is reflective of a more positive you.
As I’ve said before, positive woman equals positive relationship and I have absolutely no doubt that when I focused on shedding the negativity (and trust me, it’s not easy), my life became infinitely better. I turned my back on assclownary and other negativity and finally exhaled – and the great thing was that I exhaled before I met the boyf so I was just embracing and enjoying my life when he came along.
It felt good to exhale, brilliant even and it continues to this day. Ultimately I recognised that I had to start feeling about myself and perceiving myself as I wanted others to, and I realised that I no longer wanted to be in dark place with a dark cloud hanging over me.
My first step to exhaling was biting the bullet and ending things with my Mr Unavailable, taking a chance on myself and tuning out the negative voices of old. The more time that passed, the less he cluttered up my life and my head and I actually had the opportunity to think about something other than trying to figure out where the hell I stood with him or what might be wrong with me. I closed the lid on the unfinished business that arises when you let exes linger in your life and by cutting them off, but also cutting off my thinking, projecting, and hoping about them, it gave me closure. Finally.
Exhaling let me accept that I’d made mistakes, that my non relationship was over, and that for whatever reason, things hadn’t worked out in the past but that it was time to move on and put my best foot forward and be focused on myself. I accepted that the past was over and it was incredibly freeing.
At some point, you’ve got to stop waiting and just exhale so that you can start living, even if that means that you are not with someone because as many of you can attest to, getting a man, any man and calling it a relationship, isn’t the automatic key to happiness.
We have to learn to breathe on our own…
Your thoughts?
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Reading this is already giving me air to breath. Thank you NML.
I am one of those women panicking and suffocating myself with the thought of not meeting The One before my childbearing years are over. But panicking it isn´t helping. All I can do is live my life and make myself happy. And not with the unspoken expectation that The One will then land on my doorstep if I do. As if happiness is a means to a relationship. If I think that way I will just keep sabotaging myself. Happiness with and for myself should be the goal in itself.
yes and exactly !
I think the turning point for me in my attitude came when I realized that I had considered myself broken inside from all of the pain and disappointment and failures — and now, I was no longer committed to being broken anymore.
Not in how I thught or acted.
I choose now to be conscious. I choose to be aware.
I choose to choose instead of thinking it’s up to ‘him’ and he will love me insated of me learning to do what it takes to love me and be healthy.
I am not looking to be rescued anymore because I’m learning to rescue myself (with your help here of course to keep me on track !).
And when I do that, I don’t need saving – I am on even ground 🙂
Loving Annie’s last blog post..A Diet That Works
About two months ago, I “exhaled” from my last EU relationship. After 2 long years in a dead end situation, I told him “This is making me so unhappy. Things will never change. I need to stop engaging with you. Goodbye”. We haven’t spoken since. Not less than 1 week after I initiated No Contact, I immediately jumped into dating a “Nice Guy”. During the month and a half the Nice Guy and I dated, I found myself (yet again) holding my breath, hoping, pleading with some part of myself that this would be “The One”, but interestingly enough, I also found myself drowning again…This Nice Guy would have crossed desert and ocean to make me happy, and yet I was miserable. Every bone in my body ached to distance myself from him. I felt suffocated, and unhappy and extremely lonely still. I broke up with him a couple of weeks ago, as I realized I was exhibiting the same exact EU behavior with him, as other men have done to me. For the first time since I was 16 (I am now 28), I am completely and utterly single. There are no dates, no dramatic emails or texts, or wishing, hoping, praying he’ll contact me…there’s just me. I’m realizing for the first time what it feels like to truly exhale, and take that leap of faith on myself and “learn to breathe on my own”. It’s scary and exhilirating at the same time, as I wonder what this new chapter will bring. Thanks for this post. It was quite timely.
I can relate but to an extent now ask myself if I am hiding too much because I have been soo hurt. I vowed to make myself stronger and I was determined to never feel or be with a person like this again… but now i feel almost lost. I cant even remember what a good/healthy relationship feels like… or what it feels like to be truly loved/wanted. And to an extent I sometimes feel I have gone to the other extreme of being too strong that while i havent given up on men, I am tired of being disappointed and so therefore am not actively looking for anyone. Yes I am enjoying being “WITH” myself (not BY myself) but at the end of the day, while I can easily adapt to a life like this, I wonder too if i am not allowing myself to get close to anyone out of fear of being hurt again. I guess its definetely good to exhale…breathe and feel the peace that comes with that but I also think we have to be careful not to close ourselves off completely — I dont know, is anyone else afraid of this? I sometimes feel I have become too hard, too numb because Im tired of being hurt (and putting myself in relationships like this) and being disappointed that I am more skeptical when meeting a man than excited or happy. I went from thinking the above “could this be the one?” to now…. “oh god, here we go again… yes this guy is goodlooking, seems nice etc… but PROCEED WITH CAUTION! While I do think this is necessary (especially for those of us who have put ourselves in these types of relationships) Im just not sure where i am right now. Maybe I need more time alone? Maybe I do need to date more before I become this old bitter woman? Or maybe I just need a little TLC to help me believe again that good men out there? I dont know… im not one to sit here and feel sorry for myself but wanted to know if anyone else worries or thinks about this?
Karen, we all have felt like this now or at some point in time. I felt just like you felt not that long ago, but then I took a deep breathe and told myself to calm down, because I was still over thinking it. Only now I was doing it with myself instead of a EUM. I really started thinking about what NML has been saying about loving yourself. When you really start to do that you do less over thinking even in regards to yourself and trust that you have the ability to be loving and open to yourself and others. When you’re in a great place in life you won’t have to worry about being open to someone, you will be, because it will be what you’ll be projecting to the universe. Right now you’re healing and that shows. There is nothing wrong with this, and we do that for a while especially after we’ve been worked over a bit by EUM’s. We go the opposite direction and become very self protective, but eventually you find yourself moving back to center and you’re not at either extremes. I know believe that there are great men out there and that I WILL meet one, but in the mean time the most important thing in my life is me. I’d never believed that before but now I believe that with every fiber in my body and know that I am worthy of love especially my own. I don’t fee the need to prove myself, so when I find myself falling into those classic fallback girl behaviors of old, I stop myself immediately, think about it and stop the behavior. This is a huge step for me, because I never had the ability to do this before. It takes time to unlearn behavior and I have been a fallback girl my whole life, but as I said now the difference is that I recognize when my co-dependent behavior flairs up and work consistently to not act on those habits. It’s been a wonderful journey so far and I feel like I have so much to learn and so many great things to offer myself now.
I love this website – it has saved me from incredible despair.
I’m at the stage of having to bite the bullet and end my relationship with the guy who cheated on me after many years together. He wanted to continue to make a go of it – seems he thought he wanted something new but insists that he loved me all the while it was going on (about 6 weeks) and he realized he made a mistake!
I am deathly afraid of being alone since I’ve never been ‘not in’ a relationship for the past 30 years (long marriage and then pretty much immediately this long term relationship). The cheating happened in January and we’ve been trying for 3 months to make things work but I am undeniably miserable. But, even with the misery, I still can’t shove myself to end it completely. It’s funny because with this elephant on my chest – I can’t breathe at all, much less exhale. I know what I have to do and I hope I have the courage to end things sooner rather than later. I’m finding taking that deep leap of faith in myself is incredibly scary and hard to do – fearing the unknown over the known.
Karen – I too feel that no matter who I’m with – this guy that hurt me or any other new guy who comes along, I’ll feel very self protective and unwilling to give too much. But I think also over time you’ll be able to make good choices and better assessments of men and maybe you’ll let the right person get as close as to you as you desire when the time is right.
Thank you Nikki and QT… really appreciated your feedback! 🙂
Karen~ I think sometimes we need to fully grieve the loss of the relationship, and the hurt of the loss. My therapist last week told me that I too seem closed off or not open to possibilties. Like I have a protective shell around me so that I won’t be hurt any more. I’m very standoffish if I’m approached by a man anywhere. I try to be polite but that is as far as I can go with any male right now. My therapist told me to work through the five (5) steps of grief (Denial; Anger; Bargaining; Depression; Acceptance).
It’s been 8 months and it’s still very hard for me, but I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end. Maybe I’ll get my life back, feel whole, and continue to get stronger.
I’m not sure if this helps – but thanks for those who posted it helps me to keep on….keeping on.
This is a wonderful article. I have just ended a relationship that has made me so miserable. The whole time I was trying desperate measures to keep him. I convinced myself that I loved him. It was an illusion. I realize now I chose this man because he was unavailable.
I had the problem, it was my self esteem, I didn’t think much of myself or even think of myself, it was all about his happiness, his life, his needs. Yuck.. how could I be so stupid.
Now comes the healing and stopping those voices in my head that tries to rationalize that ‘he’ was “a prize to behold”. Yes I need to change, I need to make myself worthy of being a prize to a loving available man. Its all about me for the first time in my life. (I am 52). It is strange to really dig deep into my soul and be honest and search for those hidden reasons why I behave the way I have for so many lonely unhappy years. Wow, I have wasted so much precious time on useless pathetic men.
Thanks so much to everyone with all your personal input, that takes courage! Love to all. xxxx
This is a wonderful article. I have just ended a relationship that has made me so miserable. The whole time I was trying desperate measures to keep him. I convinced myself that I loved him. It was an illusion. I realize now I chose this man because he was unavailable.
I had the problem, it was my self esteem, I didn’t think much of myself or even think of myself, it was all about his happiness, his life, his needs. Yuck.. how could I be so stupid.
Now comes the healing and stopping those voices in my head that tries to rationalize that ‘he’ was “a prize to behold”. Yes I need to change, I need to make myself worthy of being a prize to a loving available man. Its all about me for the first time in my life. (I am 52). It is strange to really dig deep into my soul and be honest and search for those hidden reasons why I behave the way I have for so many lonely unhappy years. Wow, I have wasted so much precious time on useless pathetic men.
Thanks so much to everyone with all your personal input, that takes courage! Love to all. xxxx/Users/astridmiller/Desktop/astrid.jpg
Last fall I ended a relationship that had consumed most of my adult life in grey stagnant smothering fog. I knew for ten years it would come to that, but eventually I had to change or die. I wasn’t holding my breath, I was not breathing at all. My ‘leap of faith’ seemed mostly out of well-planned desperation at the time, but leaving him had become my only option. Instead of instituting no contact, I was wishy-washy enough to agree to marriage counseling, justifying this by saying I was “giving him a chance.” It took many months of weekly beat-downs to understand that I was only punishing myself for wanting more, hoping for validation from him, and hanging on to my self-doubts. Finally, I said Enough! and handed him the appropriate paperwork.
Whoo hoo! I LOVE being alone. The relief was immediate. Fresh air!! I am so proud of myself! Yes, there are moments of sorrow, but I’ve already been grieving my dead relationship for ten years. Yes, I pity him, but he can go find himself on his own. Yes, I have trust issues, but I’m not looking for anyone.
The funny thing is, a few weeks ago I met this guy who makes me smile. But you know what? I’m in no hurry.
Thanks for an empowering site, and for letting me tell you my song.
“Maybe he’ll suddenly realise that I’m not that special…”
“He’s bound to go off with someone else because that’s what all the guys I meet do…”
_____________________
Oh my goodness. That was me. I still have remnants of “He’s bound to go off with someone else because that’s what all the guys I meet do…” left inside of me that I struggle with and work on daily. When it comes up with Mr. ph2072 (which is not as much as it used to before he came along), I’m able to recognise it, explain it to him, and apologise.
Thank you for showing me the way to work even harder on it.
Nikki May 5th, 2009, 7:01 pm
It takes time to unlearn behavior and I have been a fallback girl my whole life, but as I said now the difference is that I recognize when my co-dependent behavior flairs up and work consistently to not act on those habits.
________________
Yep, that’s me – now being able to recognise the behavior mentioned in my above post and quickly correct it. It’s done a lot of good, has taken a lot of eating “humble pie”, and shown me that although there’s still a long way to go, I’ve come far on my journey.
I can relate to this idea of holding the breath – of waiting for something to happen or being on edge because it doesn’t feel right.
I have been struggling with self-doubt for a long time in this relationship. I used to blame him for how I felt – if only he would be good to me, as I seen it, then I’d be set. If only he would cherish & value me then life would be sweet. If only he would change his ways the future would be so rosy.
But I was wrong. I am the one who has issues and needs to change. I need to do for myself all the things I complain that he isn’t doing. Only then can I breathe easy.
I have to resist the temptation to think that I can work on these things whilst still carrying on with the relationship. For me that’s not possible.
I need to get outside into the fresh air.
T x
Thank you for the post
x
Brokenheartedbabble,
I was in a long marriage, too, with an EUM, and I also agreed to counseling many times throughout the marriage, but at some point I just had to get out or die. I spent so much of my marriage wondering what was wrong with me that he just couldn’t be available to me, and it got to the point where I didn’t even feel like going another day. When I finally had the courage to leave, it was rough because I had two kids who were 1st grade and 4th grade at the time, and I had to find a job and a place to live, etc…. BUT I DID IT. And after years of it being fairly a struggle to get a life back, I don’t ever look back with regret. The man I left has found his niche in life, too, even though he thinks we should still be married. Now, all these 9 years, he has all the time to pursue only things that interest him and not have me or the kids constantly wanting him to be into US. It has all worked out. I agree… When you figure out that you’re not breathing anymore, sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith even when you don’t know where exactly you’re going to be landing.
Best to you with the nice guy you met.
Nikki–I couldn’t agree more. I have been a Fallback Girl my entire dating life, but it hasn’t been until reading this site, and hearing other’s experiences have I begun to realize my pattern, and put a name to what is REALLY going on with me. Rather than simply lament my “bad luck” in relationships, I’ve begun to see that it’s not “luck” that’s brought me here, it’s “choice”.
“Maybe he’ll suddenly realize I’m not that special”—It’s interesting, but that’s not usually what makes me feel like I’m holding my breath in relationships. In every relationship I’ve been in, I am constantly wishing and hoping that maybe some day he’ll realize that I AM special. If I simply try harder, look prettier, make him laugh louder, give him more sex…THEN he’ll see how special I am, and I can finally exhale. Ladies, I’m sure you all know where THAT has gotten me 🙂 I have been drowning myself in my own lack of self worth, and picking the perfect men to enable these thought patterns!
Grr.
I hope things get better!
I agree with betterwithouthim – you have to go through the steps of grieving, something I never realized or allowed myself to go through before. Always stuffing the pain down out of sight and mind. Although, I believe there is one more step that is never mentioned – forgiveness. Forgiveness for yourself, and for the other person. There is also more to grieve for than just the loss of the other’s love. You also have to grieve for the lost dreams, expectations, the role you played in the relationship, the part of herself that this person appeared to bring out in you.
For myself, I have never felt the need to have a relationship to complete myself, and in most cases went quite large stretches between long term relationships with men. In looking back now, I realize I was hellbent on proving to myself that I didn’t need a man for anything…except sex, of course! I had no respect for them, or masculinity.
I believe now, is was that disrespect that caused me to me an EUW. When I did allow a man to enter my life, once I started feeling too close, I immediately began pulling back, hunting for anything and everything I could to convince myself that the relationship would not work. Then I busied myself creating drama, although I would never have admitted that, to self-sabotage the relationship, so I could proudly declare myself right, and then point my finger at them.
Open Your Heart to the Love’s last blog post..The Casual Sex Debate – Couldn’t Help But Add My Two Cents
Glorious. Amen.
Nice and uplifting. The key here is that we women can’t always think that having a partner is a better way…do men? Learned in therapy that the message was strong in my italian catholic upbringing that I was worthless unless a man wanted me. I stayed married for 15 years to a man who didn’t care how I felt about anything. When I left him finally, I hooked up with a MM that couldn’t bring himself to commit to me. It has been about 2 1/2 months since I saw him last and almost 2 months of NC for me. You are right, it is very freeing. I get in bed every night and fall peacefully to sleep after I take a big BREATH. No obsessing, worrying, selft doubts….It has gotten easier and although I think of him still daily, I replace any nice thought with reminding myself of the hurt and emotional abuse. After 5 plus years of yo-yoing I blocked his number from my cell phone, got caller ID, and had a friend tell him that if he ever steps near me/ or contacts me again I will press charges. It was drastic, but we were bordering on vendictive stalking. Coming to this site and reading has helped me move on. I wake up in the morning having charge of my own destiny and not relying on another person to steer that. I met someone new after having multiple dates, several 2 month relationships. This time I don’t care how many times he calls me or how often I see him. When I’m with him its nice. I then I have MY LIFE. He fits nicely in for now because I am happy with myself.
nysharon, your story parallels mine, sounds almost exact, (married 13 years, divorced for 9 with the only guy I thought I’d fallen in love with since the divorce being a married guy that swore he was already in the process of leaving his wife, but didn’t ever get around to it, so I finally had to block him and “threaten” him with a possible order of protection)….but, unlike you, I haven’t found a nice guy, yet. But I’m not really looking.
Sounds like you’re doing well! Your post is encouraging to me. This site has been extremely valuable to me as well. I read something a couple times a day just to stay on track with moving forward and healing from the permanent No Contact.
Blessings.
Hi, wow I can relate almost to every single post, specially Karen’s post. You need to give me your email address!! I was going through the same exact thing!.
“Maybe he’ll suddenly realise I’m not that special”
“Maybe he’ll go off me”
These are definately the two things that dominated my thinking in any relationship I had and in the end they always happened because I chose guys that thought that about me and even told me in the beginnig that is their thinking.. I chose not to listen and went through all the drama of trying to make it different.. I have since learnt that there is not a thing you can do to make anyone think differently of you.
I still struggle with this internal message I tell myself because when things go wrong I want to be in touch with ex eum so he can confirm the things I am telling myself.
Yesterday I was reading the letters people write into the newspaper when I came across a letter written by him I did not expect such a strong reaction from me I immediately wrote a reply to send him via text fortuantely I sent it to drafts .. But I was surprised how strongly I reacted I thought I worked him out of my system for the most part as I have stuck to no contact for over three months now and I do have plenty of days where I don’t give him a thought. So obviously there is a lot of work to be done on my internal message.
I also relate to Karen’s post.. don’t want to be bitter either or alone for the rest of my life .. frustrating plus !!
lisa, the self-worth part does seem the hardest to overcome. It’s easy to convince myself that it was his fault that I felt worthless – and, indeed, his neglect of our relationship, unwillingness to open up to me, and absorbtion with himself reiterated every day that I wasn’t worth the effort – but in reality I needed to come to the realization that I was beating myself up over something I couldn’t change. I often asked myself what I had done, what kind of shameful person I was, that he could not want me. My morning pep talks in front of the mirror were sometimes the only way I would leave my room, but they went something like “Face it. No one is ever going to want you. You are middle-aged, chubby, wrinkled, poor, and unlovable. Get over it!!!” Believe it or not, I could then gird my loins for another day. How pathetic!
nysharon, Yes m’am! Falling asleep peacefully each night has been a blessing! Leaving my MU was the second-best thing I’ve ever done. The best thing came later, when I stopped the self-abusive pity-party. The fresh air just cleared my head. Learning to think positive things has made me a changed woman. My new credos: I will listen to my heart. I will say what I feel. I will act on my impulses. I will laugh and be grateful for happy moments. I will indulge my fantasies. I have power. I am smart. I am desirable. I appreciate myself. Celebrate!!!
tenderfoot, you can do this!
I relate to the self worth part. I just kept deluding myself that he cared about me and that he would come around and when he loved me, then I would feel complete. I know I have to feel complete on my own…that’s work and it takes time and lots of effort and I’m working on it every minute of every day. What keeps me stuck sometimes is realizing that he was not who I thought he was, I was not letting myself see what a playa he was, a low-life AC that didn’t care about me…this is what I fell in love with. He never was going to commit..he’s a lying, narcissistic, jerk. I guess I’m still in the anger stage!
Thank you finallyseenthe light, I don’t need to write it, just need to read your message over and over cause it is mine. Thanks 🙂
I will add… as long as I was giving it for free he was there to take it. My fault. I’ve just stopped and he threw one last bomb, thing is it didn’t hurt with the intensity it used to so maybe the hold is loosened enough for me to really get free. I’m so done with this, I need to come up for air.
I love this site and think this is another great post. I know that the 2 relationships I’ve had were doomed to failure from the start. Not because of anything I read but because of the belief that if you start off wrong you’re going to end wrong. I was not in love with either man and was only involved with them because of other problems in my life at the time that I was running away from. It didn’t take very long for me to end these relationships as I was not invested emotionally in either nor was I in love.
Recently, I met a several men that seemed ok. Nothing happen though and I was disappointed in myself for dating 2 longer than a week. I was listening to my friends, all of whom felt that I did not give anyone a chance. A few weeks ago I met a very attractive guy and had a brief conversation with. When one of my friends asked me if I was going to contact him again, I said no. My friends was very upset with me and wanted to know why and I told her the guy was a walking red flag. Everytime I listed to my friends I ended wasting time on some Jerk, I told her. I’m sticking with my gut.
I think we all know when someone is not right for us and for whatever reason–and its not always us–move right into a bad relationship. I know a lot of women that define themselves by the men they are with. But what if the guy is a Jerk? There are probably a thousand reasons why women do the things they do that cause them to be in bad relationships. At the end of the day, I guess its a matter of what each person can tolerate. Right now, I’m about the only person I can tolerate.
I love this site and think this is another great post. I know that the 2 relationships I’ve had were doomed to failure from the start. Not because of anything I read but because of the belief that if you start off wrong you’re going to end wrong. I was not in love with either man and was only involved with them because of other problems in my life at the time that I was running away from. It didn’t take very long for me to end these relationships as I was not invested emotionally in either nor was I in love.
Recently, I met a several men that seemed ok. Nothing happen though and I was disappointed in myself for dating 2 longer than a week. I was listening to my friends, all of whom felt that I did not give anyone a chance. A few weeks ago I met a very attractive guy and had a brief conversation with. When one of my friends asked me if I was going to contact him again, I said no. My friends was very upset with me and wanted to know why and I told her the guy was a walking red flag. Everytime I listed to my friends I ended wasting time on some Jerk, I told her. I’m sticking with my gut.
I think we all know when someone is not right for us and for whatever reason–and its not always us–move right into a bad relationship. I know a lot of women that define themselves by the men they are with. But what if the guy is a Jerk? There are probably a thousand reasons why women do the things they do that cause them to be in bad relationships. At the end of the day, I guess its a matter of what each person can tolerate. Right now, I’m about the only person I can tolerate.
Finallyseethelight, that makes so much sense what you typed.
It is hard work to feel complete in yourself and to kepp remembering they were assclowns etc etc.
I thought about my recent events written above and realized I wasn’t thinking of him as an assclown I was thinking about him with an over inflated ego on my part. I mean he is an assclown and would have loved the ego stroke from me if I had responded to it. At least I found reality again this man would not write a letter to a newspaper in order to get my attention.
One day I will not give this ass clown the time of day…
im so disgusted in myself… after my assclown blew me off and stood me up, i told him i was through and that here’s the kicker i text him “in fact if i had a d!ck i would tell you too suck it” how nasty and lady like was that.. i apologised for that statement the next day. I did tell him that was the wrong thing to say but i was done running after him. so embarrassed now, dont know where that comment came from…think ive been living in the states too long. lol please tell me that was not the worst thing a feminine woman could say to a guy?!!
I’ve read a lot of these posts over the last few days. I’m amazed at the number of assclowns there are out there!! Well, I’m embarassed to say I’ve been with probably the biggest assclown of them all for nine years! In fact he’s such an assclown, that we have owned a home together for six years but yet he has not even moved in with me! I don’t know why I waited..thinking he would change. Its obvious he never will. Mention any expectation for him, any boundary, any discussion of a future and he creates the most immature dramatic fit, just like you would expect of an assclown, screaming obscenities and calling me the worst things possible…then getting on a plane for his job and leaving town. He did this to me so badly then I ended up physically ill, lost 35 lbs, multiple surgeries, and ongoing health problems for life. Yes, I realize I let him do this. I’ve grown alot over the last couple years understanding his assclown predictable behaviors and he just did this to me this last weekend……..so now he is done! I took him back twice after breaking up with him before. He promised to go to counseling, etc. but all it was was a weak attempt to show some effort to gain control on me all over again. He is not worth the toilet paper I use. These assclowns try to make us feel as though the problem is us when there is nothing wrong with us. I’m beautiful, sexy, great shape, intelligent, etc. etc. and this assclown likes putting me down because he is 70 lbs. overweight and a complete assclown. Well no more, assclown., You are done.
Some women need some resuscitation and I think your post just might have given them a boost.
Wow. Don’t wait for a great life, great relaitonship to happen, just make the most of what you have got?
I was having this convo with my friend the other day. Now we are both young 22 and 23 for that matter.
We were laughing about the fact that when we are in our 40s and 50s we would be reminiscing on how these were the best years of our lives.
Complete and utter freedom. No attachments. No baggage and hardly any responsibility.
No matter where you are. Live this moment as if it is your best!
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Oh Nat. You just described me. I really needed that. xx