Over on Dating Dames they’ve been discussing What Men Want Most which according to Dr Klayne Rasmussen a family and marriage therapist of Your Relationship Success is pretty much all about serving his egotistical needs. Now I have said it several times and I’ll say it again – the male body is made up of 75% water and the rest is ego and penis. We can fluff it up with different explanations as to what he may desire but it all ultimately comes back to making him feel like The Man. The following three ‘generalisations’ don’t come as any surprise….
“Number 1: A man wants to know that he is still attractive to his wife. He wants to know that he still “has it,” that he can still run his wife’s motor. This may sound like it’s only about sex and if you’re thinking, “see, men just want sex,” then you’re not understanding the point. To most men, being sexually attractive is more than just being sexual. It means that they are still the alpha male. It means they are top dog on the totem pole. It means that they are number 1. It is a way that men get a sense of that the relationship is still OK. In essence it means they are a real man.
Number 2: A man wants to know he is an adequate provider. Providing for the family is an expectation that he is raised to meet. It is an expectation that most women enter a relationship with: that their man is going to provide for her and her kids. But being a provider is not just about making money. Again, it has more to do with what it means about him. If he is an adequate provider then he is successful at his duty. He is the provider. It gives him a sense of value. The better he provides the more valuable he is. He can take care of his own. Real men take care of their own. He is most certainly a real man.
Number 3: A man wants to feel like he is the king in his castle. He wants to feel important in the relationship. He wants to know that he matters. When he feels like a king he feels important because kings are the most important person in the kingdom. Once again, when he feels royal it means he is a man.”
I couldn’t help but giggle because surely this guy should’ve been having a cringe when he was writing this self-obsessed, I am the centre of the universe drivel. He tops it off with:
“Wives don’t always recognize his contribution when he gets home from work where he actually gets positive feedback and recognition for his competence. He feels he has little influence in the domestic realm so he feels less inclined to do what she wants. When he doesn’t respond how and when she wants him to she asks again. He feels she is nagging him. This is not how a king feels and this is not how he wants to feel. He isn’t feeling very important nor like much of a man. A typical response is to withdraw or get angry and do whatever he darn well pleases just to spite her. Attack on #3 above! Wives would do well to keep these three things in mind. Next time you go to say or do something that might attack one of the 3 things above, reevaluate and change your approach. If you make a conscious effort to buildup or enhance the 3 Things Men Want, you will likely see your relationship improve.”
Whether it’s wives/girlfriends/significant others etc, why is it that the supposed success and happiness of a man is dependent on marginalising the woman’s needs and making him the centre of the universe on which the sun rises and sets? What exactly does the man do in order to cater to her ‘wants’? Or is what women want most, not important because after they’ve finished doing and being everything that the man wants most, she should be happy anyway?….
Whether it’s wives/girlfriends/significant others etc, What does the man do in order to cater to ‘wants’? Or is what women want most, not important because after they’ve finished doing and being everything that the man wants most, she should be happy anyway?….What this man needs most is a boot up the arse where he should land firmly in reality. The very premise of this expectancy of ego catering by the woman is dependent on the man being perfect in the first place and not exhibiting any faults that throw a monkey wrench in the works…and we all know that the perfect man does not exist!
Read via Single Again and Dating Dames. Check out the original newsletter in full here and click on the May 8th newsletter
Add to favorites
Three responses. The Bible tells us the roles of man and woman in the Godly home. This is what our parents learned from our grandparents, and taught to us.
Two: You’re looking at things backward. A woman trades her chance at personal success for a chance to make a home for a man. In return for helping him reach his goals, she gets shelter for herself and children.
To change, all she has to do is stop waiting for a guy to ask her to be his ‘wife’ in the Biblical definition of obey. Instead she needs to find some promising young man and ask him to share her home and her life. That she will keep and cherish him, and he will obey and care for her, and their children.
Three: You are trying to change him again. Your complaints are all forms of ‘why can’y he change to be nicer to me’. Solution: Put more work into picking the right guy. Network, let others help evaluate instead of selecting among volunteers.
You could easily turn this around: women want to feel desired and loved; they want to feel like they are adequate contributors; they want to be queen of the castle. I don’t think it’s a big deal, and I don’t think that helping to create these feels of love, adequacy, and control necessarily means that one has to be demeaned or make the other person the center of the universe. It takes communication and compromise on both sides to make it work, but overall I think working to make each person feel important and valued is a decent blueprint for keeping both people happy in a relationship.
The bigger issue is why is the man so insecure that he feels like less of a man or king if the wife asks/states something more than once? I can see his point tho that it is better to be greeted with a compliment when first coming in the door than a complaint.