Welcome back! Have you got my ebooks - The No Contact Rule and Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl? Also become a fan of Baggage Reclaim on Facebook, follow me onTwitter, and join the forum.
I’m getting asked more questions by readers these days, so I will attempt to answer them publicly on the blog which will also give anyone who thinks they have a suggestion to chime in.
Nobody can build a relationship on just sex. In fact, if a relationship is what you’re looking for then making sex the priority in the hope that you may have a conversation one day, discover shared interests and be suddenly interested in each other on a variety of levels…is mad.
Sex isolated on it’s own in a scenario like this is just sex. A scenario that has a balance of everything else, plus the sex is a relationship. Anyone can have sex if they put their penis or vagina to it, but not everyone can make a relationship. If all you’ve been doing is shagging each other’s brains out, it says to me that forging a relationship wasn’t on the agenda in the first place.
And yes this applies to booty calls, f*ck buddies, ‘tings’, and anything else you want to call a scenario that focuses on getting naked without getting attached. If you want to build a relationship, put the sex on the back burner and bring getting to know each other into main focus.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Not to sound like Bill Clinton, but I think it depends on your definition of “relationship.”
Can you build a MEANINGFUL relationship (ie – Monogomous forever and ever) on sex? Not at all.
But two people banging each other is a relationship, no matter how long it lasts. Just don’t be so naive as to think it’s more than that.
OK in that sense of the word it *is* a ‘relationship’ however, I know the man in my local newsagents from buying various things in there over the past year which means we have a ‘relationship’, albeit rather a thin one. In this case, just sex, is exactly just that though
The last line is spot on!
I have learned through experience and much reserach that all long term romantic relationships need two things for survival, respect and vulnerability in order to allow for realtionship sex. Anyone who is simply having sex – while denying a possible relationship, may be battling out an emotional / attachment issue. Casual sex will eventually prove futile to psychological needs. The converse is also very important. Relationships that stat of with hot passionate and erotic sex, have the potential to develop into longlasting love relationships