As someone who has had more bad dates and dodgy boyfriends than I care to remember, I used to think that I was having an extended period bad luck where I seemed to mysteriously attract men that were unworthy of my time and energy. A number of incidences and realisations made me realise that I was making my own luck and if I wanted to be happy and I wanted to have a good relationship, then it was down to me to be different.
Over at The Times of India website, there is a great article on Conscious Relationships that epitomises everything I talk about with emotionally unavailability, being the other woman and being a genuinely personally happy person with a good level of self esteem.
The article says that “The people you draw to yourself are there to reflect another part of yourself, back to you. As such, each relationship in our lives gives us the opportunity to accept, heal and love another part of ourselves.
There is an energetic dynamic that underlies everything. If you have within you the feeling/belief/perception that you are not worthy of being loved then you will repeatedly draw relationships to yourself in which you do not feel loved.
The partner you attract may be incapable of emotionally giving love, they may be apathetic to your needs for love or they may be circumstantially unable to fully give love to you.
If you have within you the feeling/belief/perception that you have to make yourself indispensable in a relationship by continually taking care of and “fixing” the other person, then you will draw to yourself a partner who needs “fixing” and who expects you to take on their emotional baggage.”
The article goes on to discuss karma and points out that “”like attracts like” and this is the nature of energy. Until you become aware of what is happening, you will keep repeating the cycle. The outer world is not really outer, it is a projection of what is within you. The inner and the outer are one.
Therefore, when you continually draw to yourself a certain type of relationship, when you notice a pattern in your life’s behaviour and when you repeatedly find yourself dealing with the same issues, you will know that the “trouble” lies within you…and not with the other person…When this discovery is made, it is then possible to have conscious relationships. Rather than reacting to what happens around you, it is possible to look within yourself and discover what part of you has been “feeding” the situation.”
I cannot say this enough - Don’t sleepwalk your way through relationships, passively expecting everything around you to change and miraculously giving you all that you want. Take charge. Be different. Do whatever it takes to welcome the good into your life. If you’re waiting for the world or the man in your life to change, you could be waiting a lifetime. Fortunately you don’t have to wait for YOU…
Source: The Times of India
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11 responses so far ↓
1 a&v // Apr 17, 2007 at 1:13 am
This concept *very* interesting and, for some of us, I imagine, also a little scary. I didn’t take steps to stop the madness until recently (at the ripe, old age of 30). Better late than never!
2 Baggage Reclaim Round Up » The guide to single living, dating, relationships and of course, man taming. // Apr 29, 2007 at 8:27 pm
[...] When You’re Not His Type, But He’s Still With YOU Does The Perfect Man Exist? The Lazy Break Up Via Text, Email and IM How To Attract An Emotionally Unvailable Man When You’re Accused of Cheating Having Standards Coping With Past Relaitonships Talking Dirty to Your Man (The Starter Edition) Conscious Relationships [...]
3 Thoreauhappiness // May 7, 2007 at 7:45 pm
no ripening at 30 yet… never to old to discover what’s always been there inside you all along -
ps-I’m much older!
4 Kristy // May 14, 2007 at 5:58 pm
lol. I’m 30 but definitely don’t think it’s a ripe age. If anything it’s taught me how young i am.
I am reading this in light of the …OH that’s what that was!
5 Justyna // May 29, 2007 at 12:58 am
why not WAKE UP to Conscious Relationships. Very helpful and life changing workshop in Holborn 30th June. Great fun! check out the website
6 Justyna // May 29, 2007 at 12:59 am
http://www.breathintegration.co.uk
7 Heidi // Jun 21, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Since first date I’ve been told I haven’t let go of my past!!!! I didn’t even talk about my past. Yet he’s the one sharing custody of a dog and just broke up with someone only 4 mos ago. Is this projection?
8 NML // Jun 22, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Hi Heidi, it sounds like there is some projection going on here. It’s quite a double standard to make that accusation when he’s sharing custody of a dog! However, some people also assume by an absence of discussion about the past that there must be some residual hurt. It’s a bit of a double edged sword this whole ‘past’ thing because talk about it too much and it’s clear you haven’t let go and talk about it too little and it seems like it hurts too much to talk about it, which also implies you haven’t let go. However, in this circumstance, I am certainly inclined to think that there is a lot of projection going on. It sounds messy if they’re sharing custody of a dog - be careful of being caught up in an unresolved situation…
9 Baggage Reclaim - Dating, singles, relationships, sex tips and advice blog for men and women. » It’s not about blaming yourself with emotionally unavailable men // Oct 29, 2007 at 10:07 am
[...] in your relationships and expect everything around you to change. You need to wake up, be conscious, be accountable, and be willing to make whatever changes necessary to wipe this bad relationship [...]
10 Did I chase or scare him away? // Apr 6, 2008 at 2:38 pm
[...] But it is likely that you are experiencing a bit of both which means getting true accountability and awareness. You need to have more conscious relationships. [...]
11 The Drama Reduction 12 Step Programme // Apr 26, 2008 at 6:17 pm
[...] We will have Conscious Relationships and we recognise that relationships don’t ‘happen’, that they take the sum of two [...]
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