Great Dysfunctional Sex
April 20, 2006 by NML
There are two types of great sex that you can have: Great Healthy Sex or Great Dysfunctional Sex. The latter is the cornerstone of many a ‘relationship’ these days because we indulge in ‘Friends Who F*ck’, ‘Booty-calls’, ‘Mr Unavailable’s’ and ‘Bad Boy Drama’. Any sex where there is a significant shift in the balance of power, or where ambiguity, insecurity, dependency, high drama, strung out emotions, or the existence of another person (i.e. the person you’re sleeping with has a girlfriend or wife) makes for Great Dysfunctional Sex.
Ever wondered why the last sex you had with a partner before you broke up was off the chains and mindblowing?
Ever wondered why sex with a person that actually ‘belongs’ to someone else feels so damn good?
Ever wondered why sex with an emotionally unavailable man leaves you clinging to him with orgasmic joy and may even push you to tears?
Ever wondered why make-up sex is soooo good? (only applicable if you have make-up sex very frequently)
All of these are governed by a level of dysfunction; some more than others. The way you tell the difference between the two types of sex is that we all know what a healthy relationship is deep down, and if there is more drama than your average soap opera, lots of negative emotion or the existence of another party who doesn’t know that you’re screwing their partner, you know that your relationship is not very healthy and exists through some dysfunction.
Unfortunately having mind blowing sex has been known to keep many a woman in a relationship whether the relationship is good or bad. We mistake a sexual connection for an emotional connection that in turn indicates that there is more to the relationship than there actually is. There is a lot of emotion involved but they aren’t the good emotions that we should be having sex with, which means at some point, it is impacting on our overall self-esteem. These are the conundrums that we face in life and being able to spot the difference in your sex may be the start of a wake up call.
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[...] Sex draws on emotions for a lot (I tend to believe ‘most’) women. Having sex without emotions is still the domain of men and if you’ve found yourself expending a lot of energy on a Mr Unavailable, it’s likely that the sex has been a lure and convinced you that a connection exists between the two of you, even though it’s Dysfunctional Sex that stems from insecurity and other negative emotions brought about by existing in an ambiguous relationship. [...]
[...] The sex is great when you’re The Other Woman because it’s dysfunctional sex. Of course when there is illicit sex with a man who belongs to someone else, plus all of the emotion (all of it negative even though most don’t see it that way), of course you going to be clinging to him and orgasming like the sun’s not going to come up. (If the sex isn’t even good, I’d consider saying adios and exchanging him for a penpal….) The more orgasms that you have, the more of an emotional and physical connection you feel is the more that you think that he’s leaving his wife. How many times can I say it!? An orgasm…is just an orgasm. How many of us have had orgasms and great sex with men that were about as good for us as an outbreak of a sexually transmitted disease? [...]