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I have to say something that will scare a lot of women but the fact that you have been introduced to your date or boyfriends parents is not always an indicator of how much he is into you or the potential of the relationship. Why do I say this? The number of women who tell me that “His parents adore me!” or “But he introduced me to his mum!” or “He treats me like we’re in a relationship when we’re with his parents” and even “Surely a guy doesn’t introduce you to his parents if he’s not pretty serious about you?”
Ladies, just because a man introduces you to his parent(s) does not mean that the relationship is serious.
Women place a far heavier significance on this event than men do and the reality is that there are some men out there that don’t think twice about introducing you to their parents.
And let’s be real, even if he waltzes a different woman through his parents place every week, unless they want to embarrass him, they are unlikely to mention it and treat you as they do every other girl because they know their son and are used to his behaviour. In fact, in this case, if he didn’t bring home a woman to meet them, they might actually think he was serious!For a start, men just don’t give the things that we expend a lot of brain energy on, anywhere near as much thought. If more men engaged with their brains and their emotions, we wouldn’t have half the debacles that we do in dating and relationships.
Take the boyf for example. When he said he was bringing me to his mother, I was scared shitless where he didn’t give a hoot. Now as it was, I knew he was serious about me but it was only after I met her and a few months after the event, that he told me that quite a few girlfriends had met his mother. Now the reason he told me this is we were having one of our many debates about relationships which is normally sparked by this site and he nearly pissed himself laughing when I revealed how some women nearly lose their mind preparing for meeting the parents!
We also have a nasty habit of projecting our own ideas about why we would be doing something instead of looking at the individual and the situation. ‘Well if I was introducing him to my parents it would be a big deal so it must be a big deal to him’.
But a big factor behind the male mentality is the whole Try Before You Buy Mentality. Much like the way women see moving in together as a significant step that will lead to bigger commitment whereas many men see it as an opportunity to see if the relationship will work, sometimes you’re being taken out on a repeated test drive!
But there is also ego and self image to take into consideration and for the assclowns out there, introducing you to their parents is there way of keeping them off their back and conveying messages like
‘Look at me! I’m normal! I know I’m 49 and I’ve never been married, but I’ve got a girlfriend!’ or ‘See, I told you I’m not gay…’
On the more calculating side, it’s a manoeuvre that also shuts you up because some men are clever enough to recognise that in including you in that aspect of their lives that you will believe that there is more to the relationship than there actually is…and stay off their backs.
Now I know this doesn’t make great news but it’s important to note, especially if you have a struggling relationship. As women, we place far too much importance on things that are only right in certain contexts. Hence, it means a hell of a lot that he’s brought you home to meet his parents if the relationship moves forward, but it doesn’t mean jack if he treats you poorly or dumps you the next week.
If he tells you stuff like ‘My parents think you’re great!’ or has even said ‘They think we’re going to get married’ this also doesn’t mean jack if he doesn’t treat you like you’re great, have both feet in the relationship, or actually have any intentions of marrying you.
So what if they said you’re great – Does he say you’re great?
So what if they think you’re going to get married – Does he? Has he proposed? Has a marriage materialised?
Trust me, I know people who have dined off comments like this from people like friends and family with no concrete relationship or commitment materialising!
So what can you learn from this?
Much like a lot of things, the significance of meeting his parents only means something contextually – there needs to be substance in your relationship and the fact that you met his parents can’t be the only thing of substance!
If he never introduces you to them, that’s not a good thing either unless of course for some reason they don’t speak and even then, it’s good to know why they don’t. If he introduces you to them really quickly when he barely knows you, I’d probably be a bit cautious. If he introduces you to them and you find yourself running errands for them, playing wifey, or putting up with crap from them whilst he mistreats you, you’re being taken for a ride.
The best way is to be middle of the road and balanced about it – If he’s an assclown, meeting his parents isn’t going to change that. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you don’t need to carry on like you’re meeting the king and queen and get your knickers in a knot, but enjoy it and take it for what it is.
My new book How to Lose an Assclown in 90 Days is due out next week but if you want to get ahead on understanding waste of space men, there is also my ebook, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and download.
Natalie Lue is the founder and writer of Baggage Reclaim and author of the books Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship and more. Learn more about her here and you can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter – @baggagereclaim .
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