Should You Always Wait to Have Sex?
On reading July’s issue of Cosmopolitan, there was an article that caught my eye. Adapted from the book Everything You Know About Love and Sex is Wrong, the author Pepper Schwartz stated that even though the general consensus is that women should wait until at least the third date to have sex, there has been a dramatic shift in that paradigm.
She stated 3 reasons that it might not be feasible to wait and went on to say that we should just…”go for it.”
- The Moment Might Be Perfect: The example given was meeting someone who was flying out of town the next day. I do agree with this reason, however, it is wrong to assume that a fleeting sexual encounter, no matter how steamy it is will lead to a relationship.
- Some Men Won’t Open Up Unless it’s Sexual: Ummmm, do you really want a guy that can only open up because of sex anyway? Sure, pillow talk is great but the feelings expressed then are mostly because you are both high off the Love Train. Is it really trustworthy if there isn’t a relationship of sorts first?
- It Can Lead More Quickly to Intimacy: Pepper states that sex is the answer to finding out if the relationship is worth your time investing. This point irks me more than the others mainly because the intimacy based on this premise is fake/simulated intimacy (see above). In addition, even though I think sex is important in the evaluation of a relationship, it shouldn’t be the single measuring stick. Great sex does NOT equal great love.
Ladies, please don’t fall for this theory. There is nothing wrong with waiting for sex. Remember free love costs waaaay too much. In addition, once we add sex to the mix we start having all these intensely sexual feelings that tend to really color our judgement of the man’s character, integrity and morals.
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Gemma October 17th, 2006, 11:00 am
About waiting to have sex.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a month and still no action, at first i thought it was odd, a bloke that doesnt want sex but after a long discussion i discovered hes just a gentleman, all my other relationships have started off with sex and then waited to see if a relationship would develop but ive discovered that i like this way much better, i respect myself more and he respects me!!!
Vixen October 19th, 2006, 8:41 am
Hey Gemma,
If that wasn’t a positive story on holding off, I don’t know what is! I’m glad that you have found such a chilvarous gentleman. Waiting until you are absolutely sure both of you are safe and ready emotionally as well as physically to handle sex shows maturity as well as foresight. He sounds like a nice guy.
Peter November 13th, 2006, 2:03 pm
No babe wants to wait for me honey! They are just begging for it - some don’t even have time to exchange names - we just get down to it. I look very much like Peirce Brosnan and have a bod that makes babes cry.
So my advice. Don’t keep us waiting - it just aint cricket!
Vixen November 14th, 2006, 6:38 am
Peter…you crack me up!
Peter November 14th, 2006, 12:53 pm
all part of the bond like charm, babe!
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Peter, I saw Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia. Wow. Take a *close* look at your idol, singing “Without You” with Meryl Streep. Then wait for the second production number during the credits. Wow again.
Vixen, I found, in my younger days during the early 1970’s, that sex is a transition. That first intimate time can be the first significant moment when you know how your partner feels about you - whether they are interested in you as a person, or just someone to cuddle and rub against. You find out if she is a game player or amateur - if she isn’t that experienced, the message is even clearer what the name of the game is. (Gah! Two Abba songs in two paragraphs!)
But, for the long haul, sex isn’t really that crucial to determining whether your partner is a reasonable mate-candidate. Sex before you get to the ‘be my mate’ part means that one of you is ‘just visiting’ - and neither is at home in a loving family/couple space. Karen Carpenter sang about “Freedom only helps you say goodbye” (well, it isn’t Abba!).