We’ve all been there. Boy meets girl. They have a great time in the honeymoon period, but the girl just has to analyse every phone call, every text, every email and everything that comes out of his mouth. Sometimes I blame technology because the lazy communication that texts and emails yields, means that we can interpret stuff whatever way we want to. This means that guys get into trouble with women everywhere because they don’t put as much thought into what they are writing and think of the alternative meaning of their communication. The main thing I blame the obsessing on though is Women Who Think Too Much Syndrome.
Let me put something out there that we all know but we don’t seem to remember often enough:
Men do not sit at home analysing our phonecalls.
Do you think that when she said that she really liked the dress, that she meant it, or was she thinking about her date with some other dude?
Men don’t get their boxers in a twist when we don’t reply back immediately to texts or we make them short.
Seriously guys. I’m gonna head home and skip the football/baseball game because she hasn’t text me back yet. Oh I just don’t know if I can face yet another woman letting me down.
Men don’t forward the email that they got from you to all of their friends (unless it’s filthy) to ask their mates for a blow by blow analysis of the email.
I know a lot of guys that use the following terminology/shorthand in emails and texts and many a woman including myself has wondered what the hell he thinks he’s playing at.
‘…’ after sentences which is suggestive but we’re never quite sure what of.
‘See you soon soon.’ What the f*ck does he mean by ‘soon’? Does this mean that we’re not dating?
‘Speak soon.’ Again, what the f*ck does he mean by ‘soon’? When the hell is he planning to phone me? I hope he doesn’t think he can leave it for a week to call. Surely if he was calling me in a decent amount of time, he would state when he was calling.
I’ll talk to you later’. Oh how lovely, he’s going to call me this afternoon/tonight. Don’t hold your breath, its just words that he wrote and it could be the same as him planning to speak to you soon.
I know we have to assess the situation and weed out the pricks from the nice guys or in some women’s cases vice versa, but exactly how much brain power do you think that men give to the above things?
Just like when a woman is weeping down the phone about the guy that she’s broken up with, not heard back from, had a whopper of a row with, trust me when I say that the guy is not sitting at home sobbing into his tea and biccies playing the heartbreak compilation. He’s out with his mates, he’s having a wank, he’s trying to pull someone else, he may even be feeling upset but he’s still not obsessing over what she may or may not be saying, thinking or doing.
A friend broke up with her lowlife of a husband whose stone had yet again managed to gather no moss, and he was living with two women who had no idea that he was doing this to them. In the meantime he was trying to get back with my friend and she was crying down the phone to me wondering what he was doing, saying, thinking because he had been doing his woe betide me act when he spoke to her. When the tears had reached fever pitch, I felt that I could only be brutally honest in the face of us talking about a man who wouldn’t know honesty if it bit him on his dick.
‘I love you to bits and I’m here for you always, but believe me when I tell you that that shit of an ex of yours is not sobbing into his hankie as we speak. If he’s running true to form, he’s either shagging one of his many women, or out trying to find another woman to shag. Every time you allow him to phone you up and leave you in this state, you’re giving him power over you, so tell him where to go and stop listening to his doo doo.’
It took a few more crap calls but she finally got the hint and stopped obsessing. And stopped having anything to do with him.
Women are supposed to be far more emotional creatures than men and this is great, however we burn up too much brain power obsessing over things that could do with being put on the back burner. I’m not saying to throw judgement out the window and take everything at face value, because you don’t need me to tell you that there are men out there that can’t be trusted. However that’s what your brain and your gut instinct are for. If you find, for instance, that you analyse every text and email, keep communication verbal and face to face to break the obesessing habit.
Women are far more complex than guys and it is probably a lot harder to decipher what we really mean. Frightening as it may seem, when it comes to male communication, guys either mean what they say/write without any reading between the lines neccessary or they’re lying, end of. Throw in the fact that guys don’t think about the hidden meaning in what they say orwrite (this is why they apologise very often), which means that if they are being truthful it is a complete waste of time to attempt to read between the lines of a vacant space.
If you suspect that he’s lying, the biggest thing you need to worry about is what to do next, not spend the next God knows how long analysing all that he says. If in doubt ask, but use the times when he gives you an answer to learn his communication style as this will save you from being upset for no reason and also stop you from believing he’s a liar. If he really is a liar, dump him, don’t keep obsessing.
Men’s nuts shrivel up when we question and analyse what they say and write. Even with the best of our intentions, it comes across as too needy and distrusting and it can be a turn off. Use the brain power for more productive things and you’ll thank me in the long run!