Tags: accountability & responsibility, casual relationships, casual sex, crumb communication, crumb relationship, empathy in relationships, Over-Givers, people pleasing, playing roles in relationships, respect in a relationship
Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where it becomes apparent that we’re not taking the best care of ourselves, but also, that the other party is benefitting from it. And, yes, sometimes it’s the other way around. In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I talk about why we need to not be okay with taking advantage of someone even when they say things or act in way that appears to give us the green light.
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Some nuggets from the episode
- Just because we can, it doesn’t mean that we should.
- If we’re somebody who isn’t comfortable taking advantage of someone or who isn’t comfortable with contributing to their suffering, we have to step up and do the right thing.
- Sometimes we be and do things that whether we intended it or not, they result in us advancing our self-interests at the expense of someone else.
- We have to decide what type of person we’re comfortable being. I’m not comfortable being the one that hurts you. I’m not comfortable being the one that strings you along / messes around with your head / blows hot and cold / uses you / contributes to your anxiety.
- If we’re sleeping with other people, it’s the emotionally responsible thing to tell the other parties.
- Sometimes people say that they’re okay with something that, deep down, we know that they shouldn’t be. These are the times when we have to delay gratification and stop thinking purely in the short term.
In any situation where one is the giver and the other is the taker, someone is the driver and the other is the passenger. It’s not an equitable, mutually fulfilling relationship.
- ‘We’re both grownups.’ ‘They didn’t ask.’ ‘It’s not that bad.’ ‘If they wanted a relationship or were that bothered, they wouldn’t continue.’ These are some of our rationalisations.
- Even if someone isn’t advertising their pain, surely that doesn’t have to stop us from practising empathy?
If we have little or no clue about the impact of our actions on others or our choices, it’s because we haven’t been feeling our feelings.
- Sometimes you have to do for you or the situation what the other person isn’t able to do for themselves.
Links mentioned
- Online workshops about needs and dating
- Instagram post about taking care of emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing in times of social overwhelm and triggering news
- Pop-up relationships
- The roles we played in our family (ep. 128)
- Are you over your bandwidth? (ep. 100)
- Feeling stressed and overwhelmed isn’t an inconvenience (ep. 159)
- Dating anxiety (ep.130 )
- The Karpman Drama Triangle
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