I Want Your Sex - How do we react to ‘just’ sex?

May 25, 2006 by NML

small pile of condoms One of the most common issues that we hear about is that in a party of two people, one thinks that they are about to be come loves young dream and embark on a relationship and the other, just thinks they’re getting a shag. Just wanting someone for sex is not just a male behaviour contrary to popular opinion – women are not averse to only wanting a man to take the edge off and satisfy her, rather than his stimulating conversation and glowing personality. But both sexes react to being a ‘shag’ rather differently…

Unfortunately when women are on the receiving end of being someone’s shag, many will still try to twist and turn it in their mind to shine a more positive light on it. I often hear women say ‘I think he’s just after one thing…’ followed by much musings on what they should do and all the wonderful things they think they could have with him if only he would realise how wonderful she is. Newsflash: Once you’re entertaining a discussion about the fact that he just wants you for sex rather than telling him to beat it, you’ve already decided on many levels in your mind to continue to try and forge a semblance of a relationship with this guy regardless. What’s to discuss? If you don’t want to be a ‘shag’ and he’s treating you like one, why not just wash your hands of the situation and walk away?

Unless a guy has got his skills honed down to a tee (a playa), it’s likely that there have been some warning signs that the ‘relationship’ was on the road to nowhere because if the focus of his attention is sex, the emphasis will have been placed on it and it’s likely that you found yourself giving into lust and having sex with them too early. Guys that place the emphasis on sex, don’t want to get to know YOU, they just want to get to know your vagina!

Now some may say, but hold on, we’re all grown adults here. Why can’t they just be honest and upfront about their intentions?

Ego and a fear of negative reaction. Most guys like to feel that the woman is really into them and wants the sun, moon and the stars from them and it’s not quite as much fun and can be downright deflating when he’s told that all he’s needed for is sex, even though it’s actually what he wants. (see below) It’s also fear of a ‘conversation’ or even an angry outburst. A lot of guys fear getting into ‘discussions’ read ‘nagging’ with their significant other – Do you really think a guy who barely knows a woman is going to risk getting his ear bent by explaining how he just wants her for sex?

On the flipside, men have their own quirky behaviour which rises to the surface when confronted with a woman who is confident sexually and tells them that they’re not looking for a relationship. Note the way I say tells them….

Years ago (and actually still in some places) it would be frowned upon for a woman to sleep around and sow her wild oats but the man would be patted on the back and told he was a stud. Actually scratch that…it’s still the same. However, there are many women who are giving the proverbial two fingers to this mentality and are sexually liberated and confident. Newsflash: Some women don’t want to have emotional sex and get high off the possibility that there could be a relationship. Some women just want to get laid, end of.

These women do get flack though and as I have stated before, it’s because they’re too honest and try to extend the courtesy to guys that rarely gets reciprocated. Guys do not like being told that they’re just needed for sex and that you don’t want to be their girlfriend. They may not want you for more than one night, but for that night, he likes the illusion of thinking that the woman really wants him for more than one night, even though he knows that she’ll be a distant memory all too soon.

Basically, wanting people for nothing more than sex, survives to a large extent on miscommunication, i.e. keeping stump. Some people expand the sex into Friends Who F*ck and Booty Call arrangements, but ultimately one person tends to want more, if not from the outset, certainly at some point. If you want them just for sex and they want you just for sex, happy days, shag away. If they want you just for sex and you want more, WALK AWAY. It’s that simple unless you bowlegged from shagging too much…

Your thoughts?