There’s a lot of people that I could compare myself to, but I don’t, or at least I try to keep it to a minimum and I’m very conscious of where it’s likely to happen. It’s my inner critic, the surprising perfectionist in me that can rear its ugly head and put me back on the “I’m not good enough” path. There’s a multitude of reasons why engaging in the regular self-hacking that is comparison is a must-kick habit. There’s healthy comparison that’s used to positively learn from the insights and grow – like when you compare your skills not your worth to a peer – and then there’s the unhealthy comparison that is a hatchet job that leaves you wounded.
When I first started writing Baggage Reclaim back in September 2005, I would look around at other sites and be tweaking and chopping and changing. I very quickly realised that this would defeat the purpose of what I was doing and kill what makes it original in its own right before it had a chance to blossom. I don’t want it to be an identikit version of something else.
Throughout my entire career I’ve seen great people and great things crushed by unhealthy comparison because neither knew how to exist in their own right. They had short-lived periods of contentment but at the back of the person or the company’s mind, was this pervasive urge to keep comparing so they kept making more and more changes and in the end, they were unrecognisable… and not in a good way. We don’t question what we believe based on that comparison and end up going off on an illogical tangent.
Healthy comparison doesn’t detract; it adds and it might even motivate you.
Fact is, there will always be people to compare to who you will deem as “better” as long as you fundamentally find you unacceptable.
I’m not perfect and try as I might, I’m never going to be. Fact. I could spend the rest of my life attempting to get as close to perfection as possible and no doubt beating myself up for my ‘mistakes’ or ‘failures’ while I’m at it, plus I could keep estimating and measuring myself against others in areas where I’m already my harshest critic.
You’re always going to be vulnerable in the areas where you already judge you which means if you want to reduce the vulnerability, stop judging you. Nobody can use it against you when you’re not using it against you.
You’re not perfect and you’re not supposed to be. While you’re busy decimating and censoring who you are to try and replace it with who you ‘should’ be (you know that annoying voice that keeps piping up and trying to drown out your true identity), you’re throwing the baby out with the bathwater. You’re human and flawed like every other person on the planet so why keep busting your tail about something that really isn’t that special by focusing on your flaws?
Everybody has flaws and you can try and compare and go “Oh but they have less flaws than I do” but that’s bullshit borne out of you putting them on a pedestal and admiring them while putting you beneath them. Everybody has flaws it’s just that not all of us focus on them, not all of us see them in others (some of us do a mighty fine job of essentially sticking a pump up people’s bottoms and inflating them), and we’re not always in a position to be around someone when character is put to the test – we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.
I don’t know why we continue to pedal this myth to ourselves that we’re not good enough and everybody is living the hunkydory lifestyle when we all know of people who have been and done things that surprise us, and it’s not in a good way. And yet we continue to compare.
What makes a person is character. Sadly it’s not what we always look for in others, nor is it always what we appreciate in ourselves.
Let’s be real, some of us believe that superficial stuff like appearance and status is character and along with these, we can be guilty of assuming that wealth, intelligence, and even accomplishments being present in a person are automatic precursors to them having character. That’s why I hear from so many people who have been with beautiful/attractive/highly intelligent/popular… assclowns. If you’ve been in this position, you’ve taken a detour and forgotten that character is what shows how someone will treat you.
What we tend to overvalue in others or ourselves is what we tend to compare ourselves on, while attributing nil or a miniscule value to our character and what really matters. We may have literally no sense of our qualities and characteristics because we’ve spent our entire life comparing, for example, our appearance.
Oddly though, we can admire and even love people for what essentially boils down to superficial stuff that doesn’t rely on character and then feel wounded when we feel that they’ve not valued our character, which doesn’t make sense. How can you ignore code red issues and focus on the stuff that isn’t making a difference to how you’re treated or feel, but then feel bad about you not being valued by them beyond anything superficial?
We compare our appearance, accomplishments and even what we perceive to be our skills to others but these are the moving goalposts of life. We age, accomplishments can decrease in relevance and value, and skills evolve and in some cases, get replaced and automated in our modern world. Some of this stuff can be linked to your character but if it is, and for instance, your skills change, it doesn’t mean that your character has which is all the more reason why we shouldn’t see ourselves as a ‘failure’ (failed person).
All of these things change and can even be taken away, but what you cannot take away is character and it can and does exist while you’re being human, which means that you’re going to err in this life but it doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy.
It’s a hell of a lot easier to reduce comparison and it’s impact on you (which can literally be tormenting) when you are somebody you respect and you ultimately possess or are working on evolving into the characteristics and values that matter to you in others. When you respect your character and can appreciate you for the small, medium, and large-sized things that you do and are in your life, the changes you’ve made, the adversities you’ve overcome etc., you prioritise character and these aspects in others.
It doesn’t matter what other people are doing with their lives because it’s their lives and you focusing on their lives and hacking at you isn’t going to change the fact that you have your own life to put your stamp on and that you’re a unique person on a journey that you and only you will make. You can keep measuring you against others but it’s illogical and irrelevant, not least because you’re not the same and we each have different thinking and behavioural habits as well as experiences.
Does appearance, status etc open doors? Absolutely, but an open door doesn’t mean contentment beyond the door frame. There are a lot of people who have the things that you want but are unhappy or whose character undermines the very thing that you overvalue while devaluing you.
Why keep diminishing you with comparison? The more you do it, the less there is of you.
Instead of comparing, respect and appreciate what you do have, no matter how small you think that is because it paves the way to growth. There will always be something and someone you can compare to which is all the more reason why you’re on this journey to discover, reclaim, and appreciate you.
Your thoughts?
You can listen to this post on SoundCloud.
About the Author:
Natalie Lue is the founder and writer of Baggage Reclaim and author of the books Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship and more. Learn more about her here and you can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter - @baggagereclaim .
Natalie (NML) – who has written 1083 posts on Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue.
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If you routinely blow up in public, you have an issue; if this a rare and completely uncharacteristic behavior, it was him bringing out the worst in you. You need to avoid him like a case of intestinal flu. I am not the venting, voice raising sort, but I found myself constantly acting this way towards an ex relationship now toxic friend. I’d feel guilty for hurting the poor bastard and simultaneously mad as hell for his constant criticism and disrespect. He had to go. This dude needs to be deleted from your life.
Thats the thing i cant shake that five years meant nothing . How fast they toss you from their lives like you never exsisted . That they never give a moments thought and we struggle for months processing it all . All i felt this week is anger . That he never gave me the choice to decide on the truth why play someone like that ? He had someone eles why not pack in why string me along for months and months . I feel a huge monumental idiot .
But tired
You did know he was married, you well knew you weren’t in a bona fide relationship. You knew he was lying and cheating. In fact – be honest – you were in on the lying and cheating. (and yup so was I!) please try to consciously direct your thoughts away from this. Think to yourself “stop”, breathe, relax your shoulders, and make yourself think of something else when you get stuck in the roundy roundy thought patterns. Repeat as often as necessary. Please try it, I have found it very helpful in reducing the headspace he occupies. It has decreased a lot recently, and I can’t tell you how much better it feels.
Tired. I am glad other people are beginning to see that you remain stuck even though you are supposedly NC. It’s not just a physical removing of yourself from him but it mental. Sorry to say it but mentally you fail miserably. Why must you keep coming on here with the same old song. Keep it to yourself. We are all trying to do better. We are all trying to get free of unhealthy relationships. Many of us are making progress. But, here you come with the sour milk. Every time I see you have made a comment I AUTOMATICALLY KNOW what the tone of it is going to be. That man, his wife, his OW, and on and on. BooHoo. I’ve made so many suggestions to you and it doesn’t help one bit. If it did you would be talking about how YOU have changed, and how YOU finding self esteem and a bit of happiness. You play the guitar. When you feel blue, why don’t you do that instead of posting on BR. DO OTHER THINGS. You are not the only one who had to get out of a ‘sick’ relationship. We all have had to do it, or we are still trying. But, you are the only one who is still singing the same sad song, wallowing in self pity with very signs of having made progress. Would you be happier going back to him? I’m beginning to think that you would because you certainly are not happy without him and you are making us all TIRED.
Tired. Why do I keep reading your comments? Because I keep hoping you are in a different place. I’m hoping if you cannot say anything positive about yourself, notice what others on here are doing. Take it in apply it to your life and then post about your transition. But that never happens. I’ve been responding to your pain a very long time, now. Other posters have definitely attempted to extend helpful advice. Some of those who did are not bothering about it anymore because they see what I see. Whether you’re handled gently or given tough love it doesn’t matter. NOTHING seems to work. And, that’s because YOU are not doing the work. This is not a “let’s all cry for Tired” blog. We are here to support each other through a horrible event, in changing unhealthy patterns of behavior, to learn how to love and trust ourselves, and give ourselves, care and respect. Ask yourself. Where are you? Do you fit in with that picture? It doesn’t appear so and you seem to be content about it. I have nothing more to say when you post. I will try to skip past them because I’m interested in reading about PROGRESS or about a new poster’s troubles and try to offer words of encouragement.
[...] Why You’ve Got To Minimise Comparison To Improve Your Self-Esteem [...]
I’m a new poster Tinkerbell and I need help from you or anyone else who will give up their time to post to me.
I’m in my late 30′s and have always had it together until now.
I fell in love with my husbands best friend who is married with two young children. My husband went through a horrible 3 years where he put me down and told me nobody would ever find me attractive despite being a wonderful partner for 20 years before his depression.
My husbands best friend is ten years younger than me and honestly the best looking man I’ve ever seen. When he heard the way my husband spoke to me, he comforted me which led to more and more intimacy.
While I know I need to stay away from him, it’s difficult because he visits us daily and my husband is only slowly emerging from his depression. I’m still feeling very lonely and sad and at my age with two children, I dont feel I have much luck finding a wonderful family man. I really dont want to ruin the chances of mending my own family but the best friend is exciting, gorgeous and I’m honestly addicted.
Help me put into place something to stop the addiction to him. PLEASE. I know it’s because I’ve never had attention before and I know the best friend wont end up wanting a relationship with me but it doesn’t seem to be enough to stop me. I feel like I’m under a spell.
How do I get out of here? Every time I try to pull away, the best friend calls and turns up and insists we talk which always leads to more kissing and affection (on two occasions for six hours each time). The way he looks at me blows my mind, my husband has never cuddled me more than a few seconds despite years of begging for more.
I’d like to say that the reason I haven’t slept with this man in the last three years that he has been chasing me and declaring his love for me was because I’m highly moral but unfortunately it’s because I’m self conscious about my stretch marks at the very bottom of my stomach as a result of my two pregnancies.
Some days I feel sick and horrible and other days the excitement over-rides the promises I make to myself not to be with him one-on-one. My mind thinks about him ALL the time where I can’t focus on my work. I used to be a star performer and now I just make constant errors. Every time the phone rings, I hope it’s him. How can someone so smart be so dumb. He talks about leaving his wife all the time and how he finds her repulsive. He says the reason he doesn’t end it with his wife now is because he doesn’t want to look like the bad guy leaving her. He just wishes she would end it with him. He gets jealous (in an angry not affectionate way) when my husband, children and I go out of if I show my husband any affection while he is around.
Give me strategies and I promise I will put 101% effort in desolving this addiction. Someone help me. I don’t want to be here.
Sarah
Get nat,s dreamer and the fantasy relationship. It may feel like a real relationship because he is a real person who you have known for a long time. but you still get only edited highlights, you are both married to other people and you are using this dangerous flirtation to feel better about yourself. Fantasy relationship alert!
They all say they will leave their wives and that she is repulsive, a bitch, frigid, whatever. The only thing that proves is how disloyal they are.
Sarah, I’m not really sure how useful this will be, but if I share some of my experience maybe it will help. Two years ago I had just come out of a long-term relationship and was feeling vulnerable, lonely, and my self-esteem had taken a big tumble. In what I now think was a desperate bid to combat these feelings I had an affair with a MM and it was the single most disastrous thing I’ve ever done to myself. The anxiety and fear I was feeling before was nothing compared to what was to come. I spent months and months in a state similar to what you’ve described, excited at times, but mostly anxious and fearful. My work suffered and my life literally came to a standstill. It is only very recently that I’ve managed to stop the madness. Like you I felt helplessly “addicted” to him, but what helped me was the realisation that I wasn’t really addicted to him, rather I was addicted to not facing up to my myriad other problems. I was too scared to face them and so kept him in my life in the hope that he would somehow magically turn into Mr Wonderful and make all the pain go away. It was only when I began owning and facing up to my problems that I had the courage to stop it all. He wasn’t going to be the answer, he never was and I gradually absorbed this. It seems to me that you already know this which is good and you really have a head start. I really can only pass on the wise advice that was given to me, as difficult as it is you need to cut off the MM. It took me a while before I could see this, but you need the space and time to work your life out. It really is the only way to stop all the anxiety and if I can do it Sarah anyone can! Sending lots of support your way.
@Tinkerbell: Yep! A cruise would be just what the doctor ordered
There are too many fun activities on board to get bored. It would be fun to meet the BR ladies in person….I can be a bit wacky myself, and have been told that I am like Betty White’s character, Rose, on the old “Golden Girls” t.v. show 
Hello, Sarah. I was looking back over older posts and came across yours. Let me first say that I am really not as mean as I may have seemed as I addressed Tired. On the contrary, I care deeply and have much compassion for others who need help. I’m sure my 35 yr nursing career has a lot to do with my nurturing personality. But anyway getting to you: I know what kind of dilemna you have gotten into, as I was involved with an MM. Like Lilly, it was the most soul-destroying thing I have ever done to myself. HORRID!!! I was at a very low point in y life recovering from long term illness and the demise of my husband after 23 years of a marriage that “worked”. Along came this MM and I fell hard. I lost my mind. I only was in it for 7 months, but that was some of the worst months of my entire life. I hated myself and felt like sh*t. I was able to get out because my feelings gradually changed when I finally realized that it was a hopeless endeavor that would never come to any good. Sarah, I REALLY WANTED to be free of him. I was brought up in a family with high principles, but I was experiences such a void in my life that I was ready to grasp at anything to avoid the “emptiness”. You have been in the same shoes because of your husband’s depression. You feel unloved and unappreciated and you miss the loving attention that he used to give. Mr. MM is not the answer. You know this already or you would not be desperately seeking help to get out. The MM looks good to you but right now while you are experiences this loss romance and consequently your own sense of sexual attractiveness, you cannot rely on your emotions. Your gut is telling you “No! Leave him alone”. Listen to that inner voice, Sarah. What I did was after initiating strict NC, I found BR. I know the NC is tricky for you because he comes over to your house and you probably don’t know when he is coming. But, You absolutely must not spend any more time with him alone. Give him the cold shoulder. Don’t worry if your husband notices a change in your reaction. Be honest. You may not want to tell your husband what is going on because that is his friend and you have been encouraging the attention. But, just give your husband a reason that you no longer want to be around him and get lost when he comes over. AVOID him like the plague. You’ve already said no good can come of this. You have children, the MM has children and a wife. DO NOT get any deeper into this. Bale out now!!! Get professional help if you can because you need someone that you can tell all of this to and unload. You cannot tell friends. If you can, leave the house when he comes or get busy with the kids. Go to the library or purchase self-help reading materials. I have a collection which I started when I was on my journey to increase my self-esteem and love myself. I will give you 4 books for starters: Living Beyond Your Feelings by Joyce Meyer, Safe People by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, In Sheep’s Clothing by George Simon, Phd., What Women Don’t Know and Men Don’t Tell You). Also read Natalie’s book. Hers, was actually the first one I read. Stay with us, read and read. You will become stronger when you committ yourself to getting away. I tell you Sarah, when you beging to make some progress he won’t be so utterly appealing as he is now. Furthermore, he is willing to cheat on his wife so what does that tell you? Try hard. I will warn you, getting that MM out of my system was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life. I, too, felt under a spell and totally helpless. But, believe me, you can get back on firm ground again. It’s very tough I won’t kid you, But YOU CAN DO IT. Please keep me posted, and I will be happy to stay in touch. All the best, Tink. (Hugs and a smooch).
Sarah. Right now, get rid of the MM any way you can. After that, you need to work on your marriage, because it is obviously not fulfilling for you.
I second, wait, third? that … my MM was the reason I wound up here myself. It was indeed the most soul destroying of any EUM AC relationshit I’ve ever experienced. It’s true that it’s like a spell, once you’ve gained distance and time, you will begin to see what was truly going on, this is why NC is so important, it is the spell breaker to give reality some space to sink in without the spellbinder keeping you mesmerized. We’re here for you if you get the urge to contact him, write here first…
lol, there’s another similarity in the MM experience – I also told someone that ‘I lost my head’….it still amazes me how similar the experiences are of these clowns, utterly utterly stereotypical, laughable now that I have gained time, space, distance and perspective…oh and don’t forget insight
Sarah, I’m another former OW.
Lilly, Tinkerbell, and Jewells have said everything I experienced for two years as an OW. Natalie has written extensively on this blog and in her books about the OW situation. Like the others, I suggest reading everything Nat has written on cheating and all of the comments. There are so many of us in the same situation and we think we are unique. Natalie and BR were the only way I found the wherewithal to get out. You have come to the exact right place. There is such incredible support here, Natalie and the BR community is brilliant, and it is safe here. I’m really sorry about your situation and your husband’s health. You asked for strategies to get out of the situation with the MM. First, sign up for Natalie’s e-course on No Contact. Second, read everything about No Contact. Many BR readers work with the exMM daily and have gone NC. Other BR readers are NC with ex husbands and are raising children. NC is possible even if you have to see him.
Lilly and Tinkerbell, you knocked it out of the ballpark with your responses. Getting rid of the exMM was one of the most difficult things I have done. Worse than 36 hours of labor and worse than law school and the bar and worse than 3 divorces! You can do it Sarah because you don’t want to continue what you are doing. Keep coming back!
Oh, yes. Jewells. Isn’t your life so much better, now? We can be proud of ourselves for being strong and maintaining NC. That is the key.
I’ll tell you tink, I didn’t do NC…he had to on demand from his wife and counsellor – when I had my flash of sobriety and insight into what was going on while he was trying to ‘manage’ me, I kinda freaked and told him to tell her or I would with all his text messages in hand; and that if he had any chance of saving his marriage it’d better be him. So he did, went NC and did me the biggest favour I could imagine, it propelled me into BR, given me the time space and peace to come to terms with what happened. I don’t know that if left to my own devices I would have been able to do it. If I hadn’t freaked on my brief clarity, I would probably still now be accepting his crumbs and soppy whiney BS soothing me into submission of the ‘situation’ and add another year or two until I’d completely gone round the bend thinking I was crazy. So, my NC happened a little different from most here, and not in the recommended manner, but it happened all the same and it was for the best. I see much clearer now, I feel much better now, I have no doubt that the situation with the AC would have only eroded my shaky self esteem to the point of non existence which would have threatened EVERYTHING I’ve worked so hard for in my life. I don’t have ‘going and maintaining NC’ to be proud of, but I do have that angel that let my anger speak for me in a moment of clarity that set the events in motion that created the NC regardless and ultimately saved my sanity and self.
Jewells, honey. It doesn’t matter that you were not the one to start the NC. What matters is that you have learned some very valuable lessons in how to make better choices in the future. With strong resolve, you will not be repeating the same mistakes. The end result is more important than how it came about. I applaud the fact that you realize it had to be and that it never would have worked regardless of your wanting it. And, thank God, you are NOT rehashing in your mind the bs he put you through, nor are you pining away over someone who doesn’t want you in his life. You are moving into a much healthier, even a spiritually uplifting space. Keep going. I support you fully. Hugs, Tink.
Hey Tink, greatly appreciated
I have my good days and bad, thank goodness for this site as it keeps me straight. I have the occasional pang, and things of what he said and did come up. However, as I’ve been diligently reading BR since the break, I’ve gained enough information and insight to fairly quickly quash the BS and have learned to see things for what they are. I’m still processing, a lot happened in the short time, and the mind fu**ery is the hardest to unravel. There is little left to decipher, and the moments of grief and pain are infrequent and brief, so it is all coming to it’s natural conclusion and yes indeed I have learnt a huge amount from it thanks to Natalie and yourself and everyone on here sharing their stories and insights that I have drawn from to take me through it all. (I am 99.9% certain if I hadn’t made NC happen, however it came, he would still be ‘checking in’ as my ‘friend’ keeping the mindf**kery alive and kicking and my sanity would have suffered greatly)
Jewells. My experience with the MM nearly destroyed me in every way possible. It was the absolute worst. When you’ve reached the bottom of the pit, there’s no place to go but up. We’re both out of that hell. No self-hatred, guilty conscience, sneaking around, etc. It is so liberating. We will both be fine. Take good care of yourself.
Thanks Tink, I’m learning to take good care of myself
I wish the best for you
I’ve honestly never had to worry too much about this throughout my life; apart from in a very superficial way. There was no need to compare, as starting out so far behind the eightball, I just knew, I’d always be WAY behind others in terms of my development in all areas. Then a strange thing happened. At 22 I started what has become life long academic research into the life circumstances of people from my background (i.e different projects, my own & others etc). At first, there was hardly any data, so I had only qualititative stuff to go on. It was GRIM but enough for me to recognise, I had somehow, already become an anomoly, in say for example, the area of tertiary edctn. As the yrs rolled on, we got various research projects happening which were big enough to analyse statistically (& drew on other research with sufficient data on related topics with variables helpful to our projects). Now it got REALLY interesting. Suddenly, when I compared my life circumstances across all major areas to people from my background (ie comparing an apple with apples instead of to oranges) I was WAY AHEAD. This is when I realised the comparison game was truely a croc. It confused me. On one hand I had society in my ear & years of abuse in orphanages & childrens homes telling me I was ‘no good’; a no-hoper who would never amount to anything (& worse). On the other, I now had the facts, I was an outlier amoung my own people, & in some areas, didn’t too too badly compared to the oranges (ie the general population not from my background) either (say for example buying a home as a single female, as only 1 in 10 mortgages here are for sole females, or my academic results, which I’ve now become too embarressed to ever admit to anyone, for all the right reasons)!
So what does all of this mean? Really not a lot. Currently I’m really struggling, for a range of reasons. Comparing myself to others will not help, be they from my background, or not. All I can do is hold on tight & not quit before the miracle comes. I am now more vulnerable than I have ever been in my life (& that’s saying something)! So now I must choose. Whose voice do I listen to; the old tapes that are so loud they almost deafen my every waking moment or the voice of reason? My educated voice. The voice that knows exactly what is going on here.
Along with refusing to compare ourselves comes a committment not to abandon ourselves in our times of need. I have been presented this lesson over & over in my life & mostly, although not always, I get it right. This is merely another test for me. A test of my resolve. Will I love myself even when I am utterly unlovable? The answer must be yes, for anything other response, would be truely insane (even if, born of despair).
Thankyou for this post Nat. I needed it. I’m hanging on by a thread &.there’s no much fight left in me. I was told today, sometimes, the first step to healing, is allowing ourselves to no longer have to be strong all the time & allowing others to help us, when have fought our best to no real avail. I was also told, by three different ppl now, that until I’ve dedicated my life to helping others & that now, the time has come to let others help me. A time to stop giving & just receive. I don’t know what that looks like however suspect I’m about to find out.
Love to all. Apologies I’m not around so much. I’m very ill. x
[...] drawn a lot of inspiration from Natalie Lue’s blog, and I like this post about comparisons: Why You’ve Got to Minimize Comparison to Improve Your Self-Esteem. Great ideas for the artistic journey [...]
I don’t think many people truly appreciate how life threatening a simple issue can be, for example the habit of comparisons.
I grew up in a family/society (as most of us did) that over valued looks, money, popularity and achievements. I was “plain”, my own family was humble and I was not bright at school or talented etc. I used to compare myself to my cousin’s and feel deep shame for my “failings”, things I tried to “change” when I was a bit older and in my teens.
It was the worst mistake of my life. It snowballed into me longing for recognition and validation from people who reminded me of the childhood critereon, and one of the people who fit this was/is my current assclown. I literally compared myself to him and put him on a pedestal and myself in the gutter.
I want to share with the people here that firstly, it is important in life to feel the pain of resentment, to recognize what you don’t have. That is a part of being a real and normal human being. The flipside of this is understanding that when you are at equilibrium and moving at your natural rythm even if that is as an overweight housewife and mother to five, you are walking the path that you were meant to be on, and even if it’s contemptible to the eyes of society or this clique or that (believe me, my family would consider such a woman to be diseased and to be pitied), you are at peace. It suits you.
My friend told me once, something that has stayed with me. If you are eating moldy dry bread and the whole world approves and thinks you are extrenely fortunate and envies you..well you may have the approval of the world but ultimately you are just eating disgusting and unsatisfying moldy old bread. But if you are eating the most delectable cheesecake with the most amazing ingredients and the whole world is laughing at you and pities you and is convinced you must be starving..so what..you’re eating cheesecake
Don’t look at magazines and TV shows with women who look a certain way and have certain lifestyles. That was another huge undoing of mine. I bought into ALL that hype, and it made me more miserable than anything as I already hated my poor body and mind.
I am 5’7, I have large breasts which are not perky by nature, I have a spreading rear area, I have ingrown pores on my legs, I have unsymetrical facial features and thick wild wavy hair, and my front teeth stick out when I laugh. My complexion is sallow. I have very thick eyebrows. My family and society thinks the real me is ugly. Thats okay by me (now), I’m too busy with my cheesecake.