I’m writer of one of the longest-running self-help, dating and relationship blogs in the world, Baggage Reclaim, and author of five books including Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, The No Contact Rule, and The Joy of Saying No (Harper Horizon). I’ve spent two decades helping people who struggle with emotional unavailability, shady relationships, and settling for crumbs to break the cycle so that they reclaim themselves and experience more love, care, trust, and respect. I’ve been featured and quoted in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Guardian, The Observer, BBC, ITV’s Lorraine, NPR, and many more.
Most of us did not grow up learning about our needs, wants, feelings, values, boundaries, and self-care.
Throw in that we might not have observed healthy templates for relationships, plus we were conditioned into the likes of people pleasing, and it makes total sense that we’ve woken up in adulthood not knowing ourselves and making painful dating and relationship choices that leave us feeling perplexed and wounded.
When we’re in these patterns, it’s not unusual to feel that we’re “not good enough” and to doubt our worthiness for a loving relationship. This only makes it easier to accept crumbs from people who reflect our fears and negative beliefs, creating a vicious cycle that erodes our faith and confidence in ourselves and the possibility of being in a mutually fulfilling relationship while also liking ourselves.
Often, people are looking for a blueprint, magic formula, or even a relationship-in-a-box because they don’t know what to do, what they need or want, or what to look for. They’re scared of getting things wrong and trusting themselves.
I’ve spent twenty years exploring and studying relationships via my blog, podcast, books, courses, and client work while on my journey of healing childhood and relationship trauma. During this time, I’ve also enjoyed an 18-year+ mutually fulfilling, intimate, loving relationship. I have frameworks, practices, and tools to help you navigate dating and relationships from a place of deeper confidence, where you know what you’re looking for, why, where you’re at, and where you’re headed. You’re allowed to have needs; you’re allowed to want to be in a relationship; and the loving relationship you desire is possible