The Hidden Link Between People Pleasing and Feeling Unworthy in Love

When you don’t feel worthy of a healthy, available relationship, it’s not unusual to find yourself in unavailable and shady relationships. Believing on some level that you’re not good enough causes emotional unavailability (on your end), so you’re inadvertently drawn...

Want More Dating Success? Be Discerning By Adopting a Recruiter Mindset

A recruiter is someone whose job is to match qualified candidates with suitable open positions at organisations. If they put any ole candidate forward for the role, they do everyone a disservice (and damage their reputation), so they have to be discerning. Having what...

Authentic self? Real self? What On Earth Does It Mean To Be Yourself?

In a world proliferated with inspirational quotes and lots of encouragement to be ourselves, lots of us don’t know what this means. It’s why one of my most frequently asked questions is, What the hell does being yourself mean and look like? Being yourself...

Assert Yourself for You, Not for Approval or Control

Boundaries are not about gaining agreement and validation. Instead, they’re about showing up and being stakeholders in our lives. If you consider that we are each our boundaries and our boundaries are us, we can’t make our existence about trying to please and prove...

Low Expectations and Accepting the Bare Minimum in Relationships Fuels Self-Rejection

When you’ve been hurt and don’t feel safe in trusting others, it’s easy to rationalise that being in a bare-minimum relationship is the safe option. It’s like, How can I go wrong when I’m going out of my way to have low expectations? We figure...

From Emotional Shutdown to Self-Compassion: My Self-Care Evolution

Over the last two decades, I’ve learned to pay attention to signs from my body and my life that I need attention and/or that I need to ask for or seek additional help and support from safe sources. This attitude is a dramatic shift for me because for the 28 years...

Healthy Boundaries Are as Much for You as They Are for Everyone Else

One of the mistakes many make in trying to have boundaries is seeing them solely as a means of guiding and directing or even ruling others. Boundaries are for us first and foremost. Others know our line when we know it. If someone isn’t being boundaried, continuing to...

‘Am I Self-Aware?’ Do You Trust, Listen To, Care For, and Know Yourself?

We’re often encouraged to be self-aware, but what does that mean? Here are some questions to help you answer the question Am I self-aware? Do you say no when you need, want to or even should? In those instances where you recognise you need to say no after saying yes,...

When Comfort Becomes a Trap: Rethinking How We Soothe Our Emotional Discomfort

Feeling worse when you experience the onset of certain emotions or feeling as if you’re trying to anaesthetize feelings you’re attempting to repress, or feeling at a loss as to what to do when you need comfort and support, means that, like many of us, you haven’t...

About Ignoring Discomfort and Needs Because We’re Hoping They’re the One

When we’re not used to letting our real selves hang out, voicing our needs, and creating healthy boundaries, it’s not unusual to assume that if we’re really into someone and we have ‘so much in common’, the rest should take of itself. In reality, that’s not how humans...

Healthy Boundaries in Supporting a Partner’s Mental Health

Supporting a partner who’s struggling with their mental health without becoming anxious, depressed or low ourselves is possible, but it does take clear boundaries and self-care. We can care for our partner as well as for ourselves. ‘Support’ doesn’t mean ‘be the...