Natalie Lue standing in her studio space with her hair in two braids and wearing large orange hoops holding a copy of her book The Joy of Saying No

Whether you want to overcome your past so that you can raise your self-worth, figure out why you’re always attracted to emotionally unavailable partners, or break depleting habits like people pleasing, poor boundaries, being self-critical or unfulfilling relationships, learning how to reclaim yourself from your emotional baggage and increasing emotional availability through self-care will make a profound difference to your life.

I inspire and empower people to do this every day, and I’d love to help you too, saving you a great deal of time, energy, effort and money so that you feel less stressed, anxious, frustrated, resentful, doubting and more, and instead, more confident, loving, trusting, and free.

Free to be you, free to enjoy more of your journey and free to enjoy mutually fulfilling relationships comprised of love, care, trust and respect.

I used to have very low self-esteem, a litany of problems including bad boundaries, toxic relationships with emotionally unavailable and shady folk, and a crippling immune system disease, but this all changed in the summer of 2005.

The combination of my consultant’s prognosis for my illness (it was the dead by 40 kind) and yet another breakup from a barely-there guy, triggered an awakening. Up to that point, I’d regarded life as something that was happening to me, something that I had little say in because of my pain and past – and suddenly, I wanted to fight back.

My life changed dramatically in less than a year including going into remission from my ‘incurable disease’, growing my self-esteem to include boundaries, coming to terms with my fear of abandonment, rejection, and more, and meeting the man who would go on to become my husband.

I didn’t read a self-help book or even go to therapy to bring about this transformation because when I looked around for advice for my then twenty-something self, it was the likes of:

– Books that didn’t speak to my inner turmoil, reinforcing my belief that I was alone and very screwed up.
– Too much ‘noise’ including family, implying that it was my lack of ‘enoughness’ causing my problems.
– A lot of positive thinking your way out of things. This isn’t to say that healthy beliefs and a positive mindset a crucial part of living a happier life, it’s just that trying to happy-clap my way out of years of emotional baggage was like cutting off the heads of the weeds while leaving the root and the environment they grew in untouched.
– I was tired of seeing crap about 50 ways to please your man when the relationship isn’t going your way, as if people pleasing was a solution to being mistreated.

No amount of sexy underwear, cooking, prancing around like a performing seal and contorting myself into a pretzel in an attempt to be pleasing, was gonna fix my love life.

So, I began looking within, asking questions and compassionately exploring my past. I road-tested ideas, letting go of baggage so that I could allow myself to heal, letting myself get the right support. Basically, I allowed myself to take steps every day to grow my self-esteem and live.

I wrote it all down and shared as I went along. My mission was, and still remains the same: if I can help even one person avoid what I went through and can support others who have struggled with abandonment, rejection, trauma, people pleasing, emotional unavailability, and feeling ‘not good enough’, to name but a few, I’m doing my little bit in the world to spread more compassion.

The result… is Baggage Reclaim.

For nearly two decades, I’ve shared, not just insights and observations from my own journey, but my gift for understanding our patterns, behaviour, emotions and relationships, bringing clarity and healing to experiences and situations that people either couldn’t name or describe, or that they thought that they would never get over.

I know a hell of a lot about emotional unavailability, emotional baggage, how and why certain patterns are created, and how to unpack this all and reclaim yourself from it so that you can live and love with self-esteem and freedom from your past.

I am straight-talking, but I do what I do with deep compassion, empathy and plenty of humour

I’m so good at what I do that people can tell me a very small nugget of their story and I can provide deep insight into what’s going on, even able to tell them what happened next before they do. I am frequently asked if I know the person they’re talking about, whether I live inside their head, and how the hell I know what I know.

Baggage Reclaim is read in more than 140 countries, with Reclaimers from all walks of life.

I’m the author (and self-publisher) of four books, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, The No Contact Rule, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship, and Love, Care, Trust and Respect.

My fifth book, The Joy of Saying No, will be published in January 2023 by Harper Horizon, an imprint of HarperCollins.

I’m also host of the weekly podcast, The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, which has almost 3 million downloads.

know that you are not alone


Baggage Reclaim and Natalie Lue in the media
The Joy of Saying No by Natalie Lue


The Joy of Saying No


Over the last seventeen years of my being a recovering people pleaser, time and again, saying no has been the path to being a happier, healthier me enjoying more fulfilling relationships and experiences. Discover the healing and transformative power of no in my forthcoming book that teaches you how to break the cycle of people pleasing and how to create healthier boundaries without the sky falling down. If you don’t say yes authentically, you say it resentfully, fearfully and avoidantly, and that leads to more problems than if you’d said no in the first place.




read my blog. it has 1400+ posts. here’s a full list.

listen to the podcast, The Baggage Reclaim Sessions

download RESOURCES  INCLUDING my Unsent Letter Guide