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Jan 11

Man, so many of us, even when we don’t want to and it’s against our nature, subscribe to the rat race. We push, compare, climb ladders, tick boxes, chase validation, try to please everyone and be perfect… and feel exhausted. Living isn’t the thing we get to do after we get to where we think we’re supposed to; it’s what we need to allow ourselves to do now. Breathe. Come back to base. Remember who you really are.

#healthyboundaries #burnout #selfcare #baggagereclaim #thejoyofsayingno #listentoyourself ...

Dec 20

One of my daughters has the Rona at the moment. If it was this time last year or the first couple of months of the year, I think it would have tipped me over the edge. But 2021 was the year that I really faced my relationship with anxiety. Seeing my daughter struggle with the pandemic since the onset and noticing my own hypervigilance brought me face to face with how anxiety had been so interwoven in my life that it just became a standard feeling, a driver underpinning my people-pleasing, perfectionism and over-responsibility. I went to therapy this year (on Zoom, of course 😆), which just so wasn’t done in my Jamaican-Irish-English upbringing, and it helped me go deeper in being kind to myself, including all of my younger selves.

Sometimes life and it’s big-ass stressors shows you aspects of yourself that make you very uncomfortable but that are ultimately liberating. We talk a lot about self-care and all the things we can do (or buy) to love ourselves, but it’s often the small acts of giving ourselves a patient, compassionate ear, of giving ourselves space, of allowing ourselves to speak up or receive help, that go a long way.

And I share a bit more on surprising myself by going to therapy in episode 247 of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions which is available on all podcast players. Link in bio.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #healthyboundaries #anxietyawareness ...

Dec 1

No one is *that* special that you can overlook their mistreatment of you. Doesn’t matter if they’re ‘hot’, super intelligent, very popular, go to church, the sex makes fireworks shoot out of you, they have money, they have their ‘good points’ or ‘good times’, or whatever. Not👏🏾that👏🏾special👏🏾 that they get a free pass on treating you with love, care, trust and respect and sharing in a *mutual* relationship.

#healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #healthyrelationships #baggagereclaim ...

Oct 28

Our boundaries are an expression of our self-esteem. The more willing we are to have and create healthy boundaries is the more intimacy we experience because we’re honest about who we are, what we like, what matters to us, and what we need, want, expect, feel and think. If we want to give and receive love, care, trust and respect and enjoy intimate relationships, we must have boundaries. Knowing where we end and others begin is the gateway to intimacy.

#healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #thejoyofsayingno ...

Oct 14

Set yourself free.

#peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #thejoyofsayingno ...

Sep 28

When I talk to people about why they’re afraid of having boundaries, time and again, especially when it’s about work, they’re afraid of burning bridges. 🔥 Just like all the stuff we hold onto in our homes ‘just in case we might need it one day’, we believe that not having boundaries means we’ll have more opportunities. Yes, but it will be for bullshit and assholery! It will be for burnout and ill health.

Avoiding healthy boundaries keeps you strapped, *connected to* unhealthy situations and people who want to exploit you being willing to exploit yourself. So burn that proverbial bridge. Build better boundaries for yourself instead so that you don’t destroy your inner peace and you can align with the people, things and situations that allow for love, care, trust and respect.

#baggagereclaim #burnoutprevention #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #thejoyofsayingno ...

Sep 14

You’re not ‘letting someone down’ by not being able to exploit yourself or allowing others to do it to you. Same for recognising your limits and acknowledging the impact of stress-related illness, burnout and any other impacts on your bandwidth and wellbeing. Disappointment is a vital component in helping people to adjust unrealistic and quite frankly, exploitative expectations that prevent healthy boundaries.

Be careful of being so over-responsible that you worry more about the people who’ll be ‘let down’ by you stopping yourself from drowning than you are by drowning itself.

#baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #boundaries #peoplepleaser #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #peoplepleasing #codependentnomore #burnout #burnoutrecovery #selfcarefirst #selfcarequotes #exhaustion #exploited ...

Sep 9

Someone who’s going to be ‘scared off’ by boundaries is somebody who never intended on having a mutual, honest, intimate relationship. They are uncomfortable with receiving ‘no’ and you having limits (and would exploit you saying yes for the wrong reasons). They’re not comfortable with truly getting to know *you*. So let them be scared because boundaries filter in the people, opportunities and things that allow you to be more of who you are, not less of it.

#boundaries #emotionalbaggage #baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #shadypeople #thejoyofsayingno #codependentnomore #relationshipadvice #trustyourself #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing ...

Sep 8

Do you know who winds up experiencing burnout? Over-responsible people. The more you say yes when you really need or want to say no is the less bandwidth you have. Keep doing this and you’ll experience burnout due to missing signs from your body about your needs while taking responsibility for things that aren’t actually your responsibility. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #burnoutprevention #peoplepleaser #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #thejoyofsayingno #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #workboundaries #overgiving #codependentnomore ...

Jul 28

I turned 44 today and I’m pinching myself in disbelief that I’m definitely not a teenager any more 🤣

I took this photo earlier today while out at lunch with my family. Within a couple of hours, my mother was having a go at me. Some things just don’t feckin change, and yet, I’m ok. Thankfully I’m boundaried enough to say no to smoking the crack pipe of making sense out of nonsense!

And I share this because I know I’m not alone in struggling with family. It is possible, though, to recognise that things are not OK with certain people *and also* still be OK with *yourself*. There’s liberation in saying “We are not OK” because then you can choose boundaries instead of gaslighting yourself into making things ‘OK’ with them by compromising yourself. You accept who they are and know what you’re dealing with.

This time last year, I’d signed a contract with my literary agents on the eve of my 43rd birthday. I didn’t know what lay ahead, and I had to work through a lot of stuff along the way and really own and back myself. Last night, the contract for my book deal came through. A lot can change in a year. Hell, a lot changes in life. You don’t have to be defined by your childhood or trauma, and you are allowed to evolve. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. ...

Jul 22

The thing about trying to be what we think others want is that when things don’t work out, we feel even *more* rejected. It’s like ‘Jaysus, they don’t even want the fake me that did everything they wanted, so what chance does the real me stand?!’

It’s disappointing, frustrating and painful when we put a lot of effort into something and things still don’t go the way we want, but at the end of the day, the main source of our suffering is our self-abandonment.

Don’t reject you to win over people.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #rejection #abandonmentissues #selfabandonment #codependentnomore #peoplepleaser #boundaries #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser ...

Jul 15

Every time someone tells me that they haven’t had the necessary boundary because the person “means well”, I fear for them. We find it hard enough with shady folk, especially the ones who keep telling us that it’s for our “own good” or a sign of how much they care about or love us.

When we’ve decided that someone is “nice” and “well-meaning”, we will often opt to suffer it out as we don’t want to hurt their feelings, or appear ungrateful or pee on their parade.

But we don’t need to decide whether or not we can have boundaries based on whether someone ‘deserves’ it, as if to suggest that boundaries are only for bad people or those we’ve decided can ‘handle it’. Our boundaries are based on who we are—our needs, desires, values, expectations, not on other people’s seeming intentions or whims.

When you hear yourself rationalise that someone “means well”, halt. What are you denying about the situation? Where are you ignoring yourself? What are you avoiding saying or doing?

#recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasing #boundaries #thejoyofsayingno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyboundariesforkindpeople #baggagereclaim #healthyrelationships #listentoyourself #listentoyourgut ...

Jul 12

This is a forever vibe, but I’m particularly feeling it today. One of the best things you can do instead of trying to get a PhD in other people’s BS is accept that some people don’t make sense, that being around them or trying to apply your way of life to them involves too much mental gymnastics and self-gaslighting.

The more you try to make sense of out of nonsense is the more you mess with your head. Protect your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing.

#baggagereclaim #mentalhealthmatters #gaslighting #emotionalintelligence #healthyboundaries #notetoself📝 #selfcaretip #listentoyourself #gaslightingawareness ...

Jul 10

Learning to listen to your gut allows you to become a safe person for yourself. And it will take practice deciphering your gut from fear.

#baggagereclaim #trustyourintuition #trustyourgut #listentoyourself #listentoyourbody #yourbodyisntwrong #emotionalintelligence #innercritic #healthyboundaries #selfcare #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #notetoself📝 ...

Jun 29

So much of what we believe we ‘should’ be and do to be good leaves us feeling anything but this. Instead, we feel ‘not good enough’, worthless, anxious, afraid, resentful, overwhelmed, guilty, ashamed, frustrated and more.

Don’t confuse ‘good’ with obedient, compliant, selling your soul, or ignoring your needs, values and boundaries.

#baggagereclaim #boundaries #thegoodgirl #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #thejoyofsayingno #recoveringperfectionist #burnoutrecovery ...

Jun 23

As a recovering people pleaser, perfectionist and overthinker, I’m all too familiar with basically attempting to Jedi mind trick people with my goodness, overconscientiousness and performing. It was as if I thought it was easier to try to control the uncontrollable than just have some feckin boundaries and stop my suffering!

Boundaries won’t make people spontaneously combust into who you’d prefer them to be, but they will limit the impact of anything that has the potential to encroach on your wellbeing.

#baggagereclaim #boundaries #healthyboundaries #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #thejoyofsayingno #selfcare #peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #anxietyawareness ...

Jun 15

What if you feeling guilty about taking care of you isn’t a sign that you’re doing something wrong but a sign that you never consider yourself? If your body interprets you as being in a foreign and scary situation, of course you’re going to feel guilty as it thinks the norm is self-neglect. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #thejoyofsayingno #selfcare #listentoyourbody #burnoutrecovery #burnoutprevention #healthyboundaries #boundaries #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyawareness #listentoyourself #workboundaries #emotionalintelligence ...

May 16

Before you hate on you for not being able to do all the things and maybe feel as if your body is ‘failing’ you (it isn’t) or that you should be able to keep up and do whatever is thrown at you or that you decide to take on (nope!), halt. We live in a culture that loves putting everything down to laziness or lack of resilience or whatever. Actually, our lack of energy, or the load of resentment, guilt, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, anger, etc., is us being over our bandwidth. Our bodies aren’t wrong; it’s all the BS we’ve internalised that makes us think we’re supposed to be machines that’s the problem.

#baggagereclaim #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyawareness #boundaries #healthyboundaries #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #selfcare #burnoutprevention #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #workboundaries #emotionalintelligence #mentalhealthawarenessweek #embroideryart ...

Apr 13

It’s a lot easier to get a sense of what you need and what’s out of whack when you’re not going so hard or so fast that you miss signals from your body and life that you’re over your bandwidth and crossing boundaries. Taking care of you every day, not just when shit hits the fan, allows you to live your life more in a way that supports you instead of burning you out as a way of life.

Episodes 219 and 220 of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast are about the baggage behind why we don’t allow ourselves to rest and why it’s ok to have work boundaries. Link in bio.

#baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #recoveringperfectionist #burnoutrecovery #stressreduction #listentoyourbody #selfcare #selfcaredaily ...

Apr 5