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Sep 14

You’re not ‘letting someone down’ by not being able to exploit yourself or allowing others to do it to you. Same for recognising your limits and acknowledging the impact of stress-related illness, burnout and any other impacts on your bandwidth and wellbeing. Disappointment is a vital component in helping people to adjust unrealistic and quite frankly, exploitative expectations that prevent healthy boundaries.

Be careful of being so over-responsible that you worry more about the people who’ll be ‘let down’ by you stopping yourself from drowning than you are by drowning itself.

#baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #boundaries #peoplepleaser #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #peoplepleasing #codependentnomore #burnout #burnoutrecovery #selfcarefirst #selfcarequotes #exhaustion #exploited ...

Sep 9

Someone who’s going to be ‘scared off’ by boundaries is somebody who never intended on having a mutual, honest, intimate relationship. They are uncomfortable with receiving ‘no’ and you having limits (and would exploit you saying yes for the wrong reasons). They’re not comfortable with truly getting to know *you*. So let them be scared because boundaries filter in the people, opportunities and things that allow you to be more of who you are, not less of it.

#boundaries #emotionalbaggage #baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #shadypeople #thejoyofsayingno #codependentnomore #relationshipadvice #trustyourself #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing ...

Sep 8

Do you know who winds up experiencing burnout? Over-responsible people. The more you say yes when you really need or want to say no is the less bandwidth you have. Keep doing this and you’ll experience burnout due to missing signs from your body about your needs while taking responsibility for things that aren’t actually your responsibility. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #burnoutprevention #peoplepleaser #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #thejoyofsayingno #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #workboundaries #overgiving #codependentnomore ...

Jul 28

I turned 44 today and I’m pinching myself in disbelief that I’m definitely not a teenager any more 🤣

I took this photo earlier today while out at lunch with my family. Within a couple of hours, my mother was having a go at me. Some things just don’t feckin change, and yet, I’m ok. Thankfully I’m boundaried enough to say no to smoking the crack pipe of making sense out of nonsense!

And I share this because I know I’m not alone in struggling with family. It is possible, though, to recognise that things are not OK with certain people *and also* still be OK with *yourself*. There’s liberation in saying “We are not OK” because then you can choose boundaries instead of gaslighting yourself into making things ‘OK’ with them by compromising yourself. You accept who they are and know what you’re dealing with.

This time last year, I’d signed a contract with my literary agents on the eve of my 43rd birthday. I didn’t know what lay ahead, and I had to work through a lot of stuff along the way and really own and back myself. Last night, the contract for my book deal came through. A lot can change in a year. Hell, a lot changes in life. You don’t have to be defined by your childhood or trauma, and you are allowed to evolve. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. ...

Jul 22

The thing about trying to be what we think others want is that when things don’t work out, we feel even *more* rejected. It’s like ‘Jaysus, they don’t even want the fake me that did everything they wanted, so what chance does the real me stand?!’

It’s disappointing, frustrating and painful when we put a lot of effort into something and things still don’t go the way we want, but at the end of the day, the main source of our suffering is our self-abandonment.

Don’t reject you to win over people.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #rejection #abandonmentissues #selfabandonment #codependentnomore #peoplepleaser #boundaries #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser ...

Jul 15

Every time someone tells me that they haven’t had the necessary boundary because the person “means well”, I fear for them. We find it hard enough with shady folk, especially the ones who keep telling us that it’s for our “own good” or a sign of how much they care about or love us.

When we’ve decided that someone is “nice” and “well-meaning”, we will often opt to suffer it out as we don’t want to hurt their feelings, or appear ungrateful or pee on their parade.

But we don’t need to decide whether or not we can have boundaries based on whether someone ‘deserves’ it, as if to suggest that boundaries are only for bad people or those we’ve decided can ‘handle it’. Our boundaries are based on who we are—our needs, desires, values, expectations, not on other people’s seeming intentions or whims.

When you hear yourself rationalise that someone “means well”, halt. What are you denying about the situation? Where are you ignoring yourself? What are you avoiding saying or doing?

#recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasing #boundaries #thejoyofsayingno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyboundariesforkindpeople #baggagereclaim #healthyrelationships #listentoyourself #listentoyourgut ...

Jul 12

This is a forever vibe, but I’m particularly feeling it today. One of the best things you can do instead of trying to get a PhD in other people’s BS is accept that some people don’t make sense, that being around them or trying to apply your way of life to them involves too much mental gymnastics and self-gaslighting.

The more you try to make sense of out of nonsense is the more you mess with your head. Protect your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing.

#baggagereclaim #mentalhealthmatters #gaslighting #emotionalintelligence #healthyboundaries #notetoself📝 #selfcaretip #listentoyourself #gaslightingawareness ...

Jul 10

Learning to listen to your gut allows you to become a safe person for yourself. And it will take practice deciphering your gut from fear.

#baggagereclaim #trustyourintuition #trustyourgut #listentoyourself #listentoyourbody #yourbodyisntwrong #emotionalintelligence #innercritic #healthyboundaries #selfcare #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #notetoself📝 ...

Jun 29

So much of what we believe we ‘should’ be and do to be good leaves us feeling anything but this. Instead, we feel ‘not good enough’, worthless, anxious, afraid, resentful, overwhelmed, guilty, ashamed, frustrated and more.

Don’t confuse ‘good’ with obedient, compliant, selling your soul, or ignoring your needs, values and boundaries.

#baggagereclaim #boundaries #thegoodgirl #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #thejoyofsayingno #recoveringperfectionist #burnoutrecovery ...

Jun 23

As a recovering people pleaser, perfectionist and overthinker, I’m all too familiar with basically attempting to Jedi mind trick people with my goodness, overconscientiousness and performing. It was as if I thought it was easier to try to control the uncontrollable than just have some feckin boundaries and stop my suffering!

Boundaries won’t make people spontaneously combust into who you’d prefer them to be, but they will limit the impact of anything that has the potential to encroach on your wellbeing.

#baggagereclaim #boundaries #healthyboundaries #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #thejoyofsayingno #selfcare #peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #anxietyawareness ...

Jun 15

What if you feeling guilty about taking care of you isn’t a sign that you’re doing something wrong but a sign that you never consider yourself? If your body interprets you as being in a foreign and scary situation, of course you’re going to feel guilty as it thinks the norm is self-neglect. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #thejoyofsayingno #selfcare #listentoyourbody #burnoutrecovery #burnoutprevention #healthyboundaries #boundaries #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyawareness #listentoyourself #workboundaries #emotionalintelligence ...

May 16

Before you hate on you for not being able to do all the things and maybe feel as if your body is ‘failing’ you (it isn’t) or that you should be able to keep up and do whatever is thrown at you or that you decide to take on (nope!), halt. We live in a culture that loves putting everything down to laziness or lack of resilience or whatever. Actually, our lack of energy, or the load of resentment, guilt, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, anger, etc., is us being over our bandwidth. Our bodies aren’t wrong; it’s all the BS we’ve internalised that makes us think we’re supposed to be machines that’s the problem.

#baggagereclaim #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyawareness #boundaries #healthyboundaries #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #selfcare #burnoutprevention #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #workboundaries #emotionalintelligence #mentalhealthawarenessweek #embroideryart ...

Apr 13

It’s a lot easier to get a sense of what you need and what’s out of whack when you’re not going so hard or so fast that you miss signals from your body and life that you’re over your bandwidth and crossing boundaries. Taking care of you every day, not just when shit hits the fan, allows you to live your life more in a way that supports you instead of burning you out as a way of life.

Episodes 219 and 220 of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast are about the baggage behind why we don’t allow ourselves to rest and why it’s ok to have work boundaries. Link in bio.

#baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #recoveringperfectionist #burnoutrecovery #stressreduction #listentoyourbody #selfcare #selfcaredaily ...

Apr 5

I’ve felt pretty pooped for the last few weeks and am doubling down on early nights and taking space to slow down so I can find a new rhythm. The slight easing of lockdown restrictions meant that we could venture to the beach for a change of scenery today. It was exactly what we all needed! And check out Chester trying to take over the photo 🤣👏🏾❤️

The current episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions is about allowing ourselves to rest and why we experience so much resistance and burnout. Link in bio. One of the things I’ve realised is that there will always be more things to do, so it’s best to make sure you make space for rest so that you have a more realistic sense of what you need and want to do.

#baggagereclaim #cockerpoosofinstagram #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfcare #cockerpoo #cockerpoolove ...

Mar 27

It’s easy to tell ourselves that we’re making someone feel ‘good’, not hurting their feelings or avoiding awkward or painful conflict and criticism when we say yes when we really need, want to or should say no, but our dishonesty and lack of boundaries leads to guilt, shame, resentment, frustration and anxiety, to name just a few.

In the end, even though people won’t be all-singing and dancing about it (and nor do they need to be), they much prefer clear boundaries and communication to you feeling crappy or them feeling bad about themselves.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries #boundaries #boundariesarehealthy #healthyrelationships #resentment ...

Mar 10

I’m often asked ‘But how do you know that you need or want to say no?’ The clue is why we said yes (because we’re afraid or trying to control something) or in the way we’re thinking, feeling and behaving during or after we’ve said yes. Here are a few of the signs, including mentally panicking, devoting your bandwidth to coming up with excuses to get out of things, and praying for a catastrophe or to get ill so that you can get out of something.

And I have 400+ scripts to help you reclaim your boundaries and bandwidth. Link in bio!

#baggagereclaim #howtosayno #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #codependentnomore ...

Mar 8

At 43, I’m really embracing being my kind of woman, not what society tells me I *should* be. I’ve demanded far too much of myself and acted as if I’m for everyone else’s consumption. Nope!

International Women’s Day is a good time to show your younger self some love and acknowledge all the women you’ve been on your journey. Show her some love.

#iwd2021 #innerchild #innerchildhealing #baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasernomore #listentoyourbody ...

Feb 25

My inner perfectionist, if it had its way, would ensure that I did everything A++++++++++++++ 🤣 There’s beauty in not trying to do everything ‘perfectly’ and not putting the expectation on yourself that you have to be The Best. But you also don’t need to make out like you’re not ‘good enough’, nor do you need to burn up so much of your bandwidth comparing you to others. The pushing ourselves too hard, putting ourselves down, and the comparison—they suck the joy out of things. What if we don’t have to try so bloody hard?

#baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasers #healthyboundaries #comparisonisthethiefofjoy #comparison #innercritic ...

Feb 22

You always deserve better than being somebody’s emotional airbag (or dumping ground/blow-up doll/entertainment centre/scapegoat, for that matter). When you stop letting someone use you as a buffer against dealing with their feelings and *themselves*, you get to value yourself and be with someone else who will treat you like the special, worthwhile and valuable person that you are. You have needs too!

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #boundaries #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #healthyboundaries #emotionallyunavailable #mrunavailable #healthyrelationships #selfworthquotes #valueyourself ...

Feb 18