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natlue

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Jul 1

They’re just not *that* special that we need to

They’re just not *that* special that we need to bust ourselves up in our efforts to convince them to love us or commit! So many of us were programmed to believe that if we’re not suffering or someone’s affections or commitment isn't hard to get, they're not worth it and it's not ’real’ love. This keeps us stuck in a disappointment cycle.

Trying to ’convince’ people unconvinces us about who we are and our worthiness. That's not a relationship; that's a battle. We deserve better.

#baggagereclaim #healthyrelationships #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beingyourself #selfexpression #commitmentissues #datingquotes #relationshiptherapy #relationshipquotes

They’re just not *that* special that we need to bust ourselves up in our efforts to convince them to love us or commit! So many of us were programmed to believe that if we’re not suffering or someone’s affections or commitment isn't hard to get, they're not worth it and it's not ’real’ love. This keeps us stuck in a disappointment cycle.

Trying to ’convince’ people unconvinces us about who we are and our worthiness. That's not a relationship; that's a battle. We deserve better.

#baggagereclaim #healthyrelationships #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beingyourself #selfexpression #commitmentissues #datingquotes #relationshiptherapy #relationshipquotes ...

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Jun 30

Have you ever found yourself brooding over someone

Have you ever found yourself brooding over someone not liking you even though you're not exactly crazy about them? 😆It's like when we get upset about not being invited to a party we didn't want to go to!

The thing is, no one likes *everyone*, and we humans also like and dislike people for irrational reasons. Trying to influence and control other people’s feelings and behaviour to manage our reputation just leads to destroying our inner peace and integrity.

Our ego is obsessed with winners and losers, who's right and who's wrong, power and being liked. Our real self that might be trying to make itself heard over our loud inner critic and ego doesn't give a hoot about that stuff.

Yes, it does bother us when someone doesn't ’get’ or like us, but we also need to remember that we don't ’get’ or like everyone either. We can, when we take it really personally and obsess about it, ask ourselves ’What’s the baggage behind this?’ In recognising what this person and situation reminds us of, we have an opportunity to heal it by responding to ourselves with compassion and awareness now.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #authenticself #selfworth #notetoself📝 #stoptryingsohard #loveyoufirst

Have you ever found yourself brooding over someone not liking you even though you're not exactly crazy about them? 😆It's like when we get upset about not being invited to a party we didn't want to go to!

The thing is, no one likes *everyone*, and we humans also like and dislike people for irrational reasons. Trying to influence and control other people’s feelings and behaviour to manage our reputation just leads to destroying our inner peace and integrity.

Our ego is obsessed with winners and losers, who's right and who's wrong, power and being liked. Our real self that might be trying to make itself heard over our loud inner critic and ego doesn't give a hoot about that stuff.

Yes, it does bother us when someone doesn't ’get’ or like us, but we also need to remember that we don't ’get’ or like everyone either. We can, when we take it really personally and obsess about it, ask ourselves ’What’s the baggage behind this?’ In recognising what this person and situation reminds us of, we have an opportunity to heal it by responding to ourselves with compassion and awareness now.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #authenticself #selfworth #notetoself📝 #stoptryingsohard #loveyoufirst ...

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Jun 29

Old me with my people-pleasing ways used to be lik

Old me with my people-pleasing ways used to be like “Yeah, sure, I’ll massacre myself for you!” Over time it occurred to me that surely it shouldn’t feel so flipping awful to be doing so-called ‘nice things’ for others. I realised that pleasing someone shouldn’t have to come at the continued expense of my wellbeing and sense of self. No one should demand or expect this of anyone as proof of their love. And that made it a whole lot easier to work out who has my best interests at heart.

The funny thing is that recognising that there’s something wrong with hating yourself to please someone is as true for my inner critic as it is for my interpersonal relationships. Don’t keep doing things to please others that make you lose like and respect for yourself.

#peoplepleaser #baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #selfexpression #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #authenticself #codependentnomore #emotionalblackmail

Old me with my people-pleasing ways used to be like “Yeah, sure, I’ll massacre myself for you!” Over time it occurred to me that surely it shouldn’t feel so flipping awful to be doing so-called ‘nice things’ for others. I realised that pleasing someone shouldn’t have to come at the continued expense of my wellbeing and sense of self. No one should demand or expect this of anyone as proof of their love. And that made it a whole lot easier to work out who has my best interests at heart.

The funny thing is that recognising that there’s something wrong with hating yourself to please someone is as true for my inner critic as it is for my interpersonal relationships. Don’t keep doing things to please others that make you lose like and respect for yourself.

#peoplepleaser #baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #selfexpression #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beyourself #authenticself #codependentnomore #emotionalblackmail ...

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Jun 26

The more you try to convince people to see you in

The more you try to convince people to see you in a particular way or to treat you with love, care, trust and respect, the more unconvinced *you* become about *you*. Spend your time around people that you don't have to twist yourself into a pretzel for and who welcome you being more you.

#baggagereclaim #selfexpression #notetoself📝 #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #stoptryingsohard #beingyourself #loveyoufirst #healthyboundaries

The more you try to convince people to see you in a particular way or to treat you with love, care, trust and respect, the more unconvinced *you* become about *you*. Spend your time around people that you don't have to twist yourself into a pretzel for and who welcome you being more you.

#baggagereclaim #selfexpression #notetoself📝 #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #stoptryingsohard #beingyourself #loveyoufirst #healthyboundaries ...

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Jun 24

Something I've noticed over the years is how so ma

Something I've noticed over the years is how so many of us think that we’re ’weirdos’ and ‘alone’. But what I've learned time and again is that each time I embrace the things that I believe make me ’weird’, I discover that I’m very far from being alone. It always leads me to joy.

So I choose to be my ’weird’ self and to, for example, talk to loved ones about my ’weird’ feelings so that I stay connected and very much myself. I no longer shame me for my past, or for being ‘too sensitive’, for feeling uncomfortable with things that others aren’t, or for the way my brain works and how I see and feel things. Not only do I get to be seen and heard, but hopefully in me living my ’weirdness’ out loud, others feel free to embrace themselves too.

You’re not alone.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #beyourself #beyourselfquotes #selfworth #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #selfexpression

Something I've noticed over the years is how so many of us think that we’re ’weirdos’ and ‘alone’. But what I've learned time and again is that each time I embrace the things that I believe make me ’weird’, I discover that I’m very far from being alone. It always leads me to joy.

So I choose to be my ’weird’ self and to, for example, talk to loved ones about my ’weird’ feelings so that I stay connected and very much myself. I no longer shame me for my past, or for being ‘too sensitive’, for feeling uncomfortable with things that others aren’t, or for the way my brain works and how I see and feel things. Not only do I get to be seen and heard, but hopefully in me living my ’weirdness’ out loud, others feel free to embrace themselves too.

You’re not alone.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #beyourself #beyourselfquotes #selfworth #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #selfexpression ...

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Jun 11

For some of us, feeling not ‘good enough’ is a

For some of us, feeling not ‘good enough’ is as familiar as breathing. I felt inadequate and worthless from a very young age, and it‘s why I’m now a recovering people-pleaser, perfectionist and overthinker. It’s why I used to be in painful relationships forcing myself to be something I’m not. It’s why I haven’t always understood or been aware of the existence of my boundaries and bandwidth, because my default setting was that I have to be and do more to counteract my inherent unworthiness.

The watershed moment in my healing was recognising that I would never blame or shame a child (or anyone else for that matter) for the things I used to hold over my head. Recognising how ludicrous it was to blame my two-year-old self for my parents breaking up or to blame and shame my younger self for other people’s feelings, behaviour and deficiencies, was grossly unfair and cruel. Something I frequently remind Reclaimers of is that, for example, inadequate parenting doesn’t equal inadequate child.

I’ve gradually learned how to treat me with love, care, trust and respect, but there are parts of me that do still throw up pangs of inadequacy. The last couple of weeks have reminded me of things I’d clearly done too good a job of forgetting. But I’m OK because I’ve learned to know that even if I’m not always treated that way, I’m still enough *anyway*. And you are too.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #innerchildhealing #innerchild #healthyboundaries #beingyourself #selfhealers #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #blackillustrators #selfworthquotes #iamenough

For some of us, feeling not ‘good enough’ is as familiar as breathing. I felt inadequate and worthless from a very young age, and it‘s why I’m now a recovering people-pleaser, perfectionist and overthinker. It’s why I used to be in painful relationships forcing myself to be something I’m not. It’s why I haven’t always understood or been aware of the existence of my boundaries and bandwidth, because my default setting was that I have to be and do more to counteract my inherent unworthiness.

The watershed moment in my healing was recognising that I would never blame or shame a child (or anyone else for that matter) for the things I used to hold over my head. Recognising how ludicrous it was to blame my two-year-old self for my parents breaking up or to blame and shame my younger self for other people’s feelings, behaviour and deficiencies, was grossly unfair and cruel. Something I frequently remind Reclaimers of is that, for example, inadequate parenting doesn’t equal inadequate child.

I’ve gradually learned how to treat me with love, care, trust and respect, but there are parts of me that do still throw up pangs of inadequacy. The last couple of weeks have reminded me of things I’d clearly done too good a job of forgetting. But I’m OK because I’ve learned to know that even if I’m not always treated that way, I’m still enough *anyway*. And you are too.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #innerchildhealing #innerchild #healthyboundaries #beingyourself #selfhealers #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #blackillustrators #selfworthquotes #iamenough ...

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Jun 10

Sometimes we don't know how much something bothers

Sometimes we don't know how much something bothers us or that we’re still hurting, or even that we buried it until it resurfaces in our interpersonal relationships or in response to suddenly feeling seen and heard in someone else’s story, or yes, due to something that’s happened.

While us humans sure can pack in a lot and we sometimes bury our pain, fear and guilt as a means of coping and surviving, we’re not designed to do this long-term. It takes a toll on us emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Feelings don't die; they become emotional charge that shows up in any situation that reminds us of it, even though we may be unaware of it. So, when we finally remember, we have an opportunity to grieve and have self-compassion, because we’ve got to feel to heal.

Be kind to yourself. And if you need extra support to process, that's 100% OK.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #selfexpression #griefquotes #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #emotionalhealth #burnoutprevention #griefquotes #griefandloss #mentalhealthquotes #mentalhealthrecovery #beingyourself #feelingsquotes #selfcarequotes #selfcare

Sometimes we don't know how much something bothers us or that we’re still hurting, or even that we buried it until it resurfaces in our interpersonal relationships or in response to suddenly feeling seen and heard in someone else’s story, or yes, due to something that’s happened.

While us humans sure can pack in a lot and we sometimes bury our pain, fear and guilt as a means of coping and surviving, we’re not designed to do this long-term. It takes a toll on us emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Feelings don't die; they become emotional charge that shows up in any situation that reminds us of it, even though we may be unaware of it. So, when we finally remember, we have an opportunity to grieve and have self-compassion, because we’ve got to feel to heal.

Be kind to yourself. And if you need extra support to process, that's 100% OK.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #selfexpression #griefquotes #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #emotionalhealth #burnoutprevention #griefquotes #griefandloss #mentalhealthquotes #mentalhealthrecovery #beingyourself #feelingsquotes #selfcarequotes #selfcare ...

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Jun 8

Some of us are *interested* in our values, and som

Some of us are *interested* in our values, and some of us are *committed*. When we’re in a casual relationship with our values, we might only want to be and do certain things when it’s convenient. It’s possible that we’ll swing where our mood is. We might claim values to fit in or because it seems like the ‘cool’ thing, but lack genuine interest and concern for them.

Committed, however, is what we are when we take a step, any step, however imperfect it might be, and then we keep going. We keep on even though the initial high and resolve may have worn off. We’ve likely learned commitment from those times when we were casual about who we are, what we need and what we stand for. Even though we don’t know exactly how things will turn out or every step involved, we keep going anyway. We tweak and refine as we go.

#baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #beingyourself #commitmentquotes #corevalues #selfexpression #honestyquotes #diversityandinclusion #integrity #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser

Some of us are *interested* in our values, and some of us are *committed*. When we’re in a casual relationship with our values, we might only want to be and do certain things when it’s convenient. It’s possible that we’ll swing where our mood is. We might claim values to fit in or because it seems like the ‘cool’ thing, but lack genuine interest and concern for them.

Committed, however, is what we are when we take a step, any step, however imperfect it might be, and then we keep going. We keep on even though the initial high and resolve may have worn off. We’ve likely learned commitment from those times when we were casual about who we are, what we need and what we stand for. Even though we don’t know exactly how things will turn out or every step involved, we keep going anyway. We tweak and refine as we go.

#baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #beingyourself #commitmentquotes #corevalues #selfexpression #honestyquotes #diversityandinclusion #integrity #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser ...

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Jun 6

This is a mood. Something I explain to people-plea

This is a mood. Something I explain to people-pleasers, perfectionists and overthinkers is that if you don’t consistently feel your feelings, create healthy boundaries and basically be more you, at some point, you’re going to erupt. You’ll be like a pressure cooker that’s been left on the hob for too long, and you will implode (break down internally) and/or explode (let rip at someone in what might feel like a tsunami of anger, resentment, hurt, injustice and sadness). It’s not unusual to feel ashamed afterwards. You might conclude that anger is wrong or that your response is proof that you have no right to speak up, stand up or show up.

But emotional eruptions that result in you behaving uncharacteristically and crossing boundaries or experiencing depression or burnout are a call to acknowledge pain and grief. It’s the extreme outcome of the build-up from suppressing and repressing. A heart attack, for example, doesn't come out of nowhere. There are earlier signs that were missed.

Rather than fear anger and stay silent (or wait to erupt), consistently feeling your feelings and being you means that you don’t *have* to erupt. And when you look at things in these terms, you can see how collective grief caused by being silenced for too long can lead to what we are experiencing right now. Yes, it’s an imperfect and messy expression, but it’s the physical manifestation of intolerable pain and suffering. Of being oppressed, repressed and suppressed.

If the change we are potentially seeing is real, then we won’t have to be here again.

Note: because I like to be unambiguous, what I say here has nothing whatsoever to do with abusive relationships, so please don’t conflate the two.

Quote by @nayyirah.waheed
#nayyirahwaheed #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #emotionalhealth #burnoutprevention #griefquotes #griefandloss #mentalhealthquotes #mentalhealthrecovery #selfexpression #beingyourself #healthyboundaries

This is a mood. Something I explain to people-pleasers, perfectionists and overthinkers is that if you don’t consistently feel your feelings, create healthy boundaries and basically be more you, at some point, you’re going to erupt. You’ll be like a pressure cooker that’s been left on the hob for too long, and you will implode (break down internally) and/or explode (let rip at someone in what might feel like a tsunami of anger, resentment, hurt, injustice and sadness). It’s not unusual to feel ashamed afterwards. You might conclude that anger is wrong or that your response is proof that you have no right to speak up, stand up or show up.

But emotional eruptions that result in you behaving uncharacteristically and crossing boundaries or experiencing depression or burnout are a call to acknowledge pain and grief. It’s the extreme outcome of the build-up from suppressing and repressing. A heart attack, for example, doesn't come out of nowhere. There are earlier signs that were missed.

Rather than fear anger and stay silent (or wait to erupt), consistently feeling your feelings and being you means that you don’t *have* to erupt. And when you look at things in these terms, you can see how collective grief caused by being silenced for too long can lead to what we are experiencing right now. Yes, it’s an imperfect and messy expression, but it’s the physical manifestation of intolerable pain and suffering. Of being oppressed, repressed and suppressed.

If the change we are potentially seeing is real, then we won’t have to be here again.

Note: because I like to be unambiguous, what I say here has nothing whatsoever to do with abusive relationships, so please don’t conflate the two.

Quote by @nayyirah.waheed
#nayyirahwaheed #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #emotionalhealth #burnoutprevention #griefquotes #griefandloss #mentalhealthquotes #mentalhealthrecovery #selfexpression #beingyourself #healthyboundaries ...

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Jun 5

I spent the first twenty-eight years of my life ha

I spent the first twenty-eight years of my life hating myself, and I’ve spent the following fifteen years recovering from people-pleasing, perfectionism, abandonment, and, yes, trauma.

Something I’ve realised this week is that every day is about me, in some way, shape or form, reminding me that I *am* worthy. And doing that for my daughters too. They’re future women *and* black, and we live in a world that does often send the message that we are not worthy.

I’ve grappled with feeling like an outsider, unwanted, ‘rejectionable’ and like there’s ‘something about me’. Those feelings have subsided with years of self-care, but being treated like I’m invisible, like what I do isn’t worthy, is something I grapple with. And it isn’t in my imagination, and I don’t deserve it. But also, thank goodness I don’t let it stop me from doing what I’m here to do.

Yesterday was my sixteenth blogging anniversary. The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast has 1.6m+ downloads, and I’ve been a full-time writer and blogger for 12.5 years, including self-publishing several books. Thank feck I didn’t wait for the publishing industry to give me permission.

Even though people will sometimes treat you without love, care, trust and respect, or treat you like who you are or what you do isn’t ‘good enough’ or, yes, treat you as if your life matters less, you are worthy, and you bloody well do matter.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #diversityandinclusion #selfworthquotes #selfhealers #selfhealing #blackillustrators #healthyboundaries #selfexpression #beingyourself #authenticself #authenticliving

I spent the first twenty-eight years of my life hating myself, and I’ve spent the following fifteen years recovering from people-pleasing, perfectionism, abandonment, and, yes, trauma.

Something I’ve realised this week is that every day is about me, in some way, shape or form, reminding me that I *am* worthy. And doing that for my daughters too. They’re future women *and* black, and we live in a world that does often send the message that we are not worthy.

I’ve grappled with feeling like an outsider, unwanted, ‘rejectionable’ and like there’s ‘something about me’. Those feelings have subsided with years of self-care, but being treated like I’m invisible, like what I do isn’t worthy, is something I grapple with. And it isn’t in my imagination, and I don’t deserve it. But also, thank goodness I don’t let it stop me from doing what I’m here to do.

Yesterday was my sixteenth blogging anniversary. The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast has 1.6m+ downloads, and I’ve been a full-time writer and blogger for 12.5 years, including self-publishing several books. Thank feck I didn’t wait for the publishing industry to give me permission.

Even though people will sometimes treat you without love, care, trust and respect, or treat you like who you are or what you do isn’t ‘good enough’ or, yes, treat you as if your life matters less, you are worthy, and you bloody well do matter.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #diversityandinclusion #selfworthquotes #selfhealers #selfhealing #blackillustrators #healthyboundaries #selfexpression #beingyourself #authenticself #authenticliving ...

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