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natlue

940

Jan 21

There's nothing wrong with giving the benefit of the doubt, but we mustn't confuse this with allowing people to benefit from us not trusting ourselves. That's giving people the benefit of our *self-doubt*. And if the reason that doubt exists is because the relationship, including the likes of boundary-busting, gaslighting and blowing hot and cold, is unhealthy, we need to halt. No good will come of giving them another extension. #boundaries #healthyboundaries #baggagereclaim #listeningtoyourself #trustingyourself #selfdoubt #gaslightingawareness #gaslighting #healthyrelationships

There's nothing wrong with giving the benefit of the doubt, but we mustn't confuse this with allowing people to benefit from us not trusting ourselves. That's giving people the benefit of our *self-doubt*.

And if the reason that doubt exists is because the relationship, including the likes of boundary-busting, gaslighting and blowing hot and cold, is unhealthy, we need to halt. No good will come of giving them another extension.

#boundaries #healthyboundaries #baggagereclaim #listeningtoyourself #trustingyourself #selfdoubt #gaslightingawareness #gaslighting #healthyrelationships ...

Jan 14

I’m often asked how we recognise that we’re not meeting our needs or living by our values. This is where we need to pay attention to where we’re editing, shaving and contorting ourselves to please and accommodate others while making us small. To where we mute ourselves and don’t have our back. If we’re not meeting our emotional needs and living our life in a way that allows us to be more us, it only leads to pain. Rather than see it as an inconvenience or failure that we can’t continue doing these things without suffering, we can see it as an opportunity to reclaim ourselves. It’s only when we are truly willing to start taking care of ourselves and honouring our boundaries by taking care of our needs and values that we are truly free. #baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #valuesmatter #needs #healthyrelationships #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself

I’m often asked how we recognise that we’re not meeting our needs or living by our values. This is where we need to pay attention to where we’re editing, shaving and contorting ourselves to please and accommodate others while making us small. To where we mute ourselves and don’t have our back.

If we’re not meeting our emotional needs and living our life in a way that allows us to be more us, it only leads to pain. Rather than see it as an inconvenience or failure that we can’t continue doing these things without suffering, we can see it as an opportunity to reclaim ourselves. It’s only when we are truly willing to start taking care of ourselves and honouring our boundaries by taking care of our needs and values that we are truly free.

#baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #valuesmatter #needs #healthyrelationships #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself ...

Jan 1

Welcome to 2021. Thanks to the shenanigans of 2020, there’s already a lot of pressure on this year. With each new year, there can be a sense of renewal and a desire for us to bring the idealised version of us to fruition. You know, that better than our current self that we aspire to and that may well be the source of self-criticism and disappointment, especially if, like me, you’re a recovering people-pleaser, perfectionist and overthinker. So, of course, we have things that we desire and aspire to, but we can do it from a place of already being enough. What if, in fact, our only resolution this year was to love ourselves more? What might experience as a by-product of that even in the midst of uncertainty? More peace and joy, for sure. Wishing you a happy new year. Please, take care of you. #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beingyourself #embroideryart #selflovequotes #embroiderersofinstagram

Welcome to 2021. Thanks to the shenanigans of 2020, there’s already a lot of pressure on this year. With each new year, there can be a sense of renewal and a desire for us to bring the idealised version of us to fruition. You know, that better than our current self that we aspire to and that may well be the source of self-criticism and disappointment, especially if, like me, you’re a recovering people-pleaser, perfectionist and overthinker. So, of course, we have things that we desire and aspire to, but we can do it from a place of already being enough. What if, in fact, our only resolution this year was to love ourselves more? What might experience as a by-product of that even in the midst of uncertainty? More peace and joy, for sure. Wishing you a happy new year. Please, take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #beingyourself #embroideryart #selflovequotes #embroiderersofinstagram ...

Dec 24

We are in community. Much as we might feel that we’re A-OK because our family relationships are ‘great’, we have friends, partners, coworkers, etc., who might be struggling. Given that in adulthood, we choose our family, we might be someone’s chosen person. Even a bit of empathy and compassion about estrangement, especially given 1) the pandemic and 2) this time of year which triggers anxiety, shame and loneliness for a lot of people, could go a long way. If you find this time of year tough or have wrestled with loneliness or estrangement this year, episodes 207 and 204 of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast dives deep into these. Available on all podcast players and link in bio. #christmas #lonelinessquotes #loneliness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthquotes #baggagereclaim #selflove #recoveringpeoplepleaser #supportnetwork

We are in community. Much as we might feel that we’re A-OK because our family relationships are ‘great’, we have friends, partners, coworkers, etc., who might be struggling. Given that in adulthood, we choose our family, we might be someone’s chosen person. Even a bit of empathy and compassion about estrangement, especially given 1) the pandemic and 2) this time of year which triggers anxiety, shame and loneliness for a lot of people, could go a long way.

If you find this time of year tough or have wrestled with loneliness or estrangement this year, episodes 207 and 204 of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast dives deep into these. Available on all podcast players and link in bio.

#christmas #lonelinessquotes #loneliness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthquotes #baggagereclaim #selflove #recoveringpeoplepleaser #supportnetwork ...

Dec 22

It’s ages since I’ve shown my face and have had lots of new followers, so hello! Allow me to introduce myself: I’m Natalie Lue. I’ve used a blog and podcast, as well as a few self-published books, ecourses, etc., over the last 16.5 years to help people break free of the legacy habits of our unprocessed baggage like emotional unavailability, people-pleasing, perfectionism and overthinking. I’m 43 and live on the edge of south London in Caterham, Surrey with my husband, two daughters and our cockerpoo. Born in England, I was primarily raised in Dublin, Ireland (I still call it home even though I've been back in England for almost 20 years), and have Jamaican Chinese heritage. My podcast The Baggage Reclaim Sessions has over 200 episodes and 1.8 million + downloads, and I also host a Shortcast (short version of it) on @blinkist A few fun facts: 1. My career started with a bad date and me sharing my woeful taste in relationships with emotionally unavailable men on my then personal blog. Thanks, exes 🤣 2. I'm still obsessed with 90s music and am an eternal raver. I dance pretty much every day. 3. People share as little as thirty seconds of their story with me and I can read their pattern and how the rest of the story will go. 4. I have a baby photo of me being held by Bob Marley. 5. I've been doing this full-time for almost thirteen years and it's been driven by an army of fans supporting me to self-publish and create over the years. 🤗👏🏾 #baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #emotionalintelligence #irishblogger #britishpodcast #recoveringpeoplepleaser

It’s ages since I’ve shown my face and have had lots of new followers, so hello! Allow me to introduce myself:

I’m Natalie Lue. I’ve used a blog and podcast, as well as a few self-published books, ecourses, etc., over the last 16.5 years to help people break free of the legacy habits of our unprocessed baggage like emotional unavailability, people-pleasing, perfectionism and overthinking.

I’m 43 and live on the edge of south London in Caterham, Surrey with my husband, two daughters and our cockerpoo. Born in England, I was primarily raised in Dublin, Ireland (I still call it home even though I've been back in England for almost 20 years), and have Jamaican Chinese heritage.

My podcast The Baggage Reclaim Sessions has over 200 episodes and 1.8 million + downloads, and I also host a Shortcast (short version of it) on @blinkist

A few fun facts:
1. My career started with a bad date and me sharing my woeful taste in relationships with emotionally unavailable men on my then personal blog. Thanks, exes 🤣
2. I'm still obsessed with 90s music and am an eternal raver. I dance pretty much every day.
3. People share as little as thirty seconds of their story with me and I can read their pattern and how the rest of the story will go.
4. I have a baby photo of me being held by Bob Marley.
5. I've been doing this full-time for almost thirteen years and it's been driven by an army of fans supporting me to self-publish and create over the years. 🤗👏🏾

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #emotionalintelligence #irishblogger #britishpodcast #recoveringpeoplepleaser ...

Dec 21

The day I realised that the likes of my people-pleasing and perfectionism are driven by anxiety about *something*, a light bulb 💡 went on for me. Now, when these habits show up, I see them as calls to notice what I’m feeling and what I really need so that I can take care of me and show UP instead of hiding in these habits that have kept me company for so long. I learned them to cope and survive, but now I have to let them go to thrive. If you want to change your relationship with anxiety, check out my short audio course, The Anxiety Sessions—link in bio. #baggagereclaim #anxietyawareness #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #overthinkers #selfcaretip #anxietyquote

The day I realised that the likes of my people-pleasing and perfectionism are driven by anxiety about *something*, a light bulb 💡 went on for me. Now, when these habits show up, I see them as calls to notice what I’m feeling and what I really need so that I can take care of me and show UP instead of hiding in these habits that have kept me company for so long. I learned them to cope and survive, but now I have to let them go to thrive.

If you want to change your relationship with anxiety, check out my short audio course, The Anxiety Sessions—link in bio.

#baggagereclaim #anxietyawareness #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #overthinkers #selfcaretip #anxietyquote ...

Dec 16

This is as much a note to self as it is a public service announcement. Take care of you. #baggagereclaim #selfcare #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist

This is as much a note to self as it is a public service announcement. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #selfcare #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist ...

Dec 10

Sometimes we put our hand back into the proverbial fire because we’re trying to be ‘nice’ or ‘giving’. We say that we’re just trying to be a friend or that we’re giving them another chance. Guess what though? The fire still burns. And at some point, once we’ve had our hand burnt a few times, we have to stop giving them the benefit not only of us doubting ourselves but of us not being truly honest with ourselves about what we’re doing. We don’t need to stop being nice, giving or friendly; we need to stop doing what might be good things but for the wrong reasons. And we need to be willing to call a spade a spade instead of hoping that the person will spontaneously combust into who we’d prefer them to be. #secondchances #benefitofthedoubt #baggagereclaim #boundaries #healthyboundaries #tooniceformyowngood #recoveringpeoplepleaser

Sometimes we put our hand back into the proverbial fire because we’re trying to be ‘nice’ or ‘giving’. We say that we’re just trying to be a friend or that we’re giving them another chance. Guess what though? The fire still burns. And at some point, once we’ve had our hand burnt a few times, we have to stop giving them the benefit not only of us doubting ourselves but of us not being truly honest with ourselves about what we’re doing.

We don’t need to stop being nice, giving or friendly; we need to stop doing what might be good things but for the wrong reasons. And we need to be willing to call a spade a spade instead of hoping that the person will spontaneously combust into who we’d prefer them to be.

#secondchances #benefitofthedoubt #baggagereclaim #boundaries #healthyboundaries #tooniceformyowngood #recoveringpeoplepleaser ...

Dec 8

How do we decide who is happy, strong, has it together or has ‘everything’? What makes us or someone else weak or messing up? It’s these assumptions and judgments that stop us from humanising ourselves and others. We don’t ‘see’ them and what they’re going through because of how we’ve judged their situation or imagined them to be. So many of us have learned to keep up a front. Social media doesn’t help, nor does the constant marketing of success and happiness that can trigger this sense that you and your life aren’t up to scratch. So we need to check in with ourselves and loved ones, especially the ones who tend to always be helping, perfect or pleasing, or who pride themselves on being the life and soul. The less we keep up a front and value genuinely intimate relationships, the less loneliness there is due to plugging back into emotional connection. Take care. #baggagereclaim #lonelinessquotes #loneliness #lonelinessquotes #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #expressyourself #emotionalintelligence

How do we decide who is happy, strong, has it together or has ‘everything’? What makes us or someone else weak or messing up? It’s these assumptions and judgments that stop us from humanising ourselves and others. We don’t ‘see’ them and what they’re going through because of how we’ve judged their situation or imagined them to be.

So many of us have learned to keep up a front. Social media doesn’t help, nor does the constant marketing of success and happiness that can trigger this sense that you and your life aren’t up to scratch.

So we need to check in with ourselves and loved ones, especially the ones who tend to always be helping, perfect or pleasing, or who pride themselves on being the life and soul. The less we keep up a front and value genuinely intimate relationships, the less loneliness there is due to plugging back into emotional connection. Take care.

#baggagereclaim #lonelinessquotes #loneliness #lonelinessquotes #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #expressyourself #emotionalintelligence ...

Dec 2

A big theme of my forties has been slowing down and honouring my bandwidth. Something I learned from the experience of starting from zero and running a marathon less than four months later as well as how wounded I've felt when things still haven't worked out how I think they should have given ’everything I did’ is that I never learned when enough was enough. I just expect of myself and work me to the end result. And it makes sense because I was raised this way. No one ever said something was ’too much’, only too little. Thankfully, you get life experiences and lessons from good ole Professor Life that show you what you couldn't see before. Recognising where I've demanded too much of myself has allowed me to extend self-compassion to my younger self, to learn to take care of me, and to make way for decent experiences going forward because I'm willing to trust myself and listen to my body. Take care of you. #baggagereclaim #takecareofyourself #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #selfcompassion #selfforgiveness #innerchild #innerchildhealing #innerchildwork #futureself #expressyourself #emotionalintelligence #healthyboundaries #boundaries #selfcare #selfcarequotes

A big theme of my forties has been slowing down and honouring my bandwidth. Something I learned from the experience of starting from zero and running a marathon less than four months later as well as how wounded I've felt when things still haven't worked out how I think they should have given ’everything I did’ is that I never learned when enough was enough. I just expect of myself and work me to the end result. And it makes sense because I was raised this way. No one ever said something was ’too much’, only too little.

Thankfully, you get life experiences and lessons from good ole Professor Life that show you what you couldn't see before. Recognising where I've demanded too much of myself has allowed me to extend self-compassion to my younger self, to learn to take care of me, and to make way for decent experiences going forward because I'm willing to trust myself and listen to my body. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #takecareofyourself #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #selfcompassion #selfforgiveness #innerchild #innerchildhealing #innerchildwork #futureself #expressyourself #emotionalintelligence #healthyboundaries #boundaries #selfcare #selfcarequotes ...

Nov 25

Every last thing we do as humans is about trying to meet our emotional needs. What we all fall into the trap of doing at one time or another is trying to get people in our present to fill old voids by meeting unmet needs from our past, particularly from childhood. The thing is, though, when we do this, we turn romantic partners, friends, colleagues, bosses and even strangers into parental replacements or stand-ins for other significant people from our past, and this not only is a case of fuzzy boundaries but futile. Recognising that it's impossible to get a past need met in the present because the past doesn't exist any more, much as it pissed me off, it also liberated me from having to continue with habits like people-pleasing, perfectionism and over-responsibility. The best way for us to fill those old voids and meet unmet needs is to take care really bloody care of us now through self-care, self-work, but also through choosing nourishing relationships, opportunities and things that allow us to heal, grow and learn. We are our primary caregiver once we become adults, so we have to parent and nurture those younger, neglected parts of ourselves by gradually learning to meet our needs. #baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyrelationships #healthyrelationshipsmatter #innerchildhealing #innerchild #takecareofyourself #expressyourself #listentoyourbody #selfcarequotes #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #emotionalneeds #boundaries #healthyboundaries #codependentnomore #emotionalhealth #emotionalintelligence

Every last thing we do as humans is about trying to meet our emotional needs. What we all fall into the trap of doing at one time or another is trying to get people in our present to fill old voids by meeting unmet needs from our past, particularly from childhood. The thing is, though, when we do this, we turn romantic partners, friends, colleagues, bosses and even strangers into parental replacements or stand-ins for other significant people from our past, and this not only is a case of fuzzy boundaries but futile.

Recognising that it's impossible to get a past need met in the present because the past doesn't exist any more, much as it pissed me off, it also liberated me from having to continue with habits like people-pleasing, perfectionism and over-responsibility.

The best way for us to fill those old voids and meet unmet needs is to take care really bloody care of us now through self-care, self-work, but also through choosing nourishing relationships, opportunities and things that allow us to heal, grow and learn.

We are our primary caregiver once we become adults, so we have to parent and nurture those younger, neglected parts of ourselves by gradually learning to meet our needs.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #healthyrelationships #healthyrelationshipsmatter #innerchildhealing #innerchild #takecareofyourself #expressyourself #listentoyourbody #selfcarequotes #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #emotionalneeds #boundaries #healthyboundaries #codependentnomore #emotionalhealth #emotionalintelligence ...

Nov 24

We can't pay bills, end suffering or own our responsibilities with ‘good intentions’. There’s a ‘why’ in everything that we do, and knowing why we’re doing something, and so being aware of hidden motivations or competing fears keeps us honest and ensures, not just that we enjoy more successful outcomes but that we don’t hurt others and then cling to our ‘good intentions’ instead of taking responsibility. When someone’s focus is on their intentions instead of our lived experience of their actions, they’re showing a lack of empathy and responsibility in that moment. They’re only human, of course, but don’t dismiss what you’ve experienced. It might not have been what they intended, but their actions do have consequences that shouldn’t only be experienced by you. #baggagereclaim #goodintentions #healthyboundaries #boundaries #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #takeresponsibility #valuesmatter #recoveringpeoplepleaser

We can't pay bills, end suffering or own our responsibilities with ‘good intentions’. There’s a ‘why’ in everything that we do, and knowing why we’re doing something, and so being aware of hidden motivations or competing fears keeps us honest and ensures, not just that we enjoy more successful outcomes but that we don’t hurt others and then cling to our ‘good intentions’ instead of taking responsibility.

When someone’s focus is on their intentions instead of our lived experience of their actions, they’re showing a lack of empathy and responsibility in that moment. They’re only human, of course, but don’t dismiss what you’ve experienced. It might not have been what they intended, but their actions do have consequences that shouldn’t only be experienced by you.

#baggagereclaim #goodintentions #healthyboundaries #boundaries #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #takeresponsibility #valuesmatter #recoveringpeoplepleaser ...

Nov 18

Like a lot of recovering people-pleasers and perfectionists, asking for help isn't my strong suit. It comes from being an over-responsible kid who thought that not appearing ’weak’ or like I had ’too many needs’ was my j.o.b. Over the years, I've really stretched into admitting where I'm struggling and asking for help because it's part of intimacy. If you always have to be The Giver, The Helper, The Strong One, it's like saying that you can only be in your relationships if others fulfil their parts of being takers, victims, weak, etc., or if you appear Teflon-coated and needless. This veneer of appearing ‘fine’ and keeping things to yourself keeps people at a distance. You feel alone and struggle with things for way longer than necessary. And the funny thing is that you don't tend to judge others for struggling or needing help the way you do you! It's OK to ask for help. It’s a way of letting trusted loved ones in, humanising you, and also healing your neglected younger self. #baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #overresponsible #healthyboundaries #boundaries #vulnerability #lonelinessquotes

Like a lot of recovering people-pleasers and perfectionists, asking for help isn't my strong suit. It comes from being an over-responsible kid who thought that not appearing ’weak’ or like I had ’too many needs’ was my j.o.b.

Over the years, I've really stretched into admitting where I'm struggling and asking for help because it's part of intimacy. If you always have to be The Giver, The Helper, The Strong One, it's like saying that you can only be in your relationships if others fulfil their parts of being takers, victims, weak, etc., or if you appear Teflon-coated and needless. This veneer of appearing ‘fine’ and keeping things to yourself keeps people at a distance. You feel alone and struggle with things for way longer than necessary. And the funny thing is that you don't tend to judge others for struggling or needing help the way you do you!

It's OK to ask for help. It’s a way of letting trusted loved ones in, humanising you, and also healing your neglected younger self.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #overresponsible #healthyboundaries #boundaries #vulnerability #lonelinessquotes ...

Nov 17

Curiosity goes a long way with helping you to learn to listen to yourself. Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of our intuition as if to say we should 100% know what it means immediately. And then we let fear take over if we don’t know, immediately blocking us from getting grounded. But if we register that we picked up *something*, we then become open to receiving further intel. It’s like saying ‘I’m willing to pay attention to myself even though I don’t know always know what my gut feelings mean because I value and trust myself.’ In turn, we get to understand the language of our gut feelings so that we don’t have to assume the worst or dismiss ourselves. All things will become clear. Sometimes our gut knows before our head does. #baggagereclaim #trustyourintuition #trustyourgut #trustyourgutfeeling #emotionalintelligence #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #listentoyourself #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfworthquotes

Curiosity goes a long way with helping you to learn to listen to yourself. Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of our intuition as if to say we should 100% know what it means immediately. And then we let fear take over if we don’t know, immediately blocking us from getting grounded.

But if we register that we picked up *something*, we then become open to receiving further intel. It’s like saying ‘I’m willing to pay attention to myself even though I don’t know always know what my gut feelings mean because I value and trust myself.’ In turn, we get to understand the language of our gut feelings so that we don’t have to assume the worst or dismiss ourselves.

All things will become clear. Sometimes our gut knows before our head does.

#baggagereclaim #trustyourintuition #trustyourgut #trustyourgutfeeling #emotionalintelligence #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #listentoyourself #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfworthquotes ...

Nov 16

One of the things I’ve learned is that consistently feeling my feelings even though it’s very bloody uncomfortable at times is infinitely better than the results of suppressing and repressing them. Felt feelings are ultimately energising because they connect you to yourself and what is. You’re that bit more truthful with you and can attempt to give you what you need. Repressed ones pile up and ultimately drain you. They require you to lie to yourself and to do things that aren’t in your best interests. All those unexpressed feelings end up getting turned inwards on you, affecting your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. Felt feelings feel so much better than repressed ones. You’ve gotta feel to heal. #baggagereclaim #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthquotes #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #emotionalhealing #emotionalbaggage #emotionalintelligence #listentoyourbody #expressyourself

One of the things I’ve learned is that consistently feeling my feelings even though it’s very bloody uncomfortable at times is infinitely better than the results of suppressing and repressing them.

Felt feelings are ultimately energising because they connect you to yourself and what is. You’re that bit more truthful with you and can attempt to give you what you need. Repressed ones pile up and ultimately drain you. They require you to lie to yourself and to do things that aren’t in your best interests. All those unexpressed feelings end up getting turned inwards on you, affecting your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health.

Felt feelings feel so much better than repressed ones. You’ve gotta feel to heal.

#baggagereclaim #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthquotes #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #emotionalhealing #emotionalbaggage #emotionalintelligence #listentoyourbody #expressyourself ...

Nov 11

If we’re not intentional about factoring us into our actions and choices, we will suffer the effects of living our life as if we exist solely for the consumption of others. #selflove #selfcare #baggagereclaim #selfworthquotes #expressyourself #boundaries #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #selfcarequotes #expressyourself #trustyourself #listentoyourgut #listentoyourbody #takecareofyourself #takecareofyou

If we’re not intentional about factoring us into our actions and choices, we will suffer the effects of living our life as if we exist solely for the consumption of others.

#selflove #selfcare #baggagereclaim #selfworthquotes #expressyourself #boundaries #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #selfcarequotes #expressyourself #trustyourself #listentoyourgut #listentoyourbody #takecareofyourself #takecareofyou ...

Nov 7

Narcissists *always* overplay their hand. They think they're outwitting everyone and that they can bully any ’detractors’ into submission. But they always fall. Yes, it often means that you go through a phase of wondering if you're the crazy one or the effects of them trying to destroy you, but rest assured: they always fall eventually because they overplay their hand. #baggagereclaim #karmaquotes #surrender #bideyourtime #byebyetrump #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissistic #takecareofyourself #emotionalabuseawareness #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #gaslightingisabuse #toxicrelationships

Narcissists *always* overplay their hand. They think they're outwitting everyone and that they can bully any ’detractors’ into submission. But they always fall. Yes, it often means that you go through a phase of wondering if you're the crazy one or the effects of them trying to destroy you, but rest assured: they always fall eventually because they overplay their hand.

#baggagereclaim #karmaquotes #surrender #bideyourtime #byebyetrump #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissistic #takecareofyourself #emotionalabuseawareness #gaslighting #gaslightingawareness #gaslightingisabuse #toxicrelationships ...

Nov 2

I, like so many of us, have been conditioned, socialised, or as we’d say back home in Ireland, had it bred into me (!!) that being ‘good’ and striving to be ‘perfect’ is the route to not only getting what you want but also being *worthy* of it. Funny how, then, the more I people-pleased and engaged in perfectionism was the worse I felt. It’s bloody lonely, infuriating, soul-destroying and shaming. By tying your worth and what you think will happen to how much you can basically influence and control other people’s feelings and behaviour, you’re set up for perpetual disappointment, leaving you veering between feeling that nothing is ever enough and struggling to enjoy any success due to anxiety about what’s next. The thing is, we don’t live in a meritocracy environment, and many of the things that we’ve been taught to believe are ‘good’ are about compliance, silencing, suppressing and ignoring ourselves (often to advance someone else’s self-interest), and trying to control the uncontrollable. So those things you’ve given you a hard time about and blamed it on being not ‘good enough’ are not the fault of your worth. And when you can accept that you’re not perfect or capable of Jedi mind tricking the universe with your goodness, you can finally forgive yourself for not being perfect and be more you instead. #baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #perfectionism #perfectionist #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #expressyourself #healthyboundaries #selfworthquotes #selfexpression #selfforgiveness #forgivenessquotes #boundaries #selflove

I, like so many of us, have been conditioned, socialised, or as we’d say back home in Ireland, had it bred into me (!!) that being ‘good’ and striving to be ‘perfect’ is the route to not only getting what you want but also being *worthy* of it. Funny how, then, the more I people-pleased and engaged in perfectionism was the worse I felt.

It’s bloody lonely, infuriating, soul-destroying and shaming. By tying your worth and what you think will happen to how much you can basically influence and control other people’s feelings and behaviour, you’re set up for perpetual disappointment, leaving you veering between feeling that nothing is ever enough and struggling to enjoy any success due to anxiety about what’s next.

The thing is, we don’t live in a meritocracy environment, and many of the things that we’ve been taught to believe are ‘good’ are about compliance, silencing, suppressing and ignoring ourselves (often to advance someone else’s self-interest), and trying to control the uncontrollable.

So those things you’ve given you a hard time about and blamed it on being not ‘good enough’ are not the fault of your worth. And when you can accept that you’re not perfect or capable of Jedi mind tricking the universe with your goodness, you can finally forgive yourself for not being perfect and be more you instead.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #perfectionism #perfectionist #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #expressyourself #healthyboundaries #selfworthquotes #selfexpression #selfforgiveness #forgivenessquotes #boundaries #selflove ...

Nov 2

In my promise to be a bit more shouty about things I’m up to, here’s a little something I’ve been working on over the last few months 🎺 Blinkist, the app that creates short versions of bestselling non-fiction reads has launched Shortcasts, short versions of, yep, podcasts. They put the key ideas and actionable insights from an episode into under 15-minutes. Shortcasts launched a couple of weeks ago, and my podcast, The Baggage Reclaim Sessions was part of the launch line-up alongside folks like Malcolm Gladwell, Dr Laurie Santos of The Happiness Lab, Farnoosh Torabi, The Doctor’s Kitchen and Nico Rosberg. Episodes so far by me include ones on friendship, bandwidth, over-responsibility, emotional unavailability and roles. If you're on @blinkist already, check them out. And if you're not, you can do a free 7-day trial via the link in my bio. #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #stress

In my promise to be a bit more shouty about things I’m up to, here’s a little something I’ve been working on over the last few months 🎺 Blinkist, the app that creates short versions of bestselling non-fiction reads has launched Shortcasts, short versions of, yep, podcasts. They put the key ideas and actionable insights from an episode into under 15-minutes.

Shortcasts launched a couple of weeks ago, and my podcast, The Baggage Reclaim Sessions was part of the launch line-up alongside folks like Malcolm Gladwell, Dr Laurie Santos of The Happiness Lab, Farnoosh Torabi, The Doctor’s Kitchen and Nico Rosberg.

Episodes so far by me include ones on friendship, bandwidth, over-responsibility, emotional unavailability and roles. If you're on @blinkist already, check them out. And if you're not, you can do a free 7-day trial via the link in my bio.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #stress ...

Oct 27

One of the things that the pandemic has brought into sharp focus is our relationship with our boundaries. I’ve heard from so many people who were shocked by their discomfort with saying no *even when* it came to the matter of their health and comfort levels. They were sometimes prepared to make themselves and possibly others ill just so they didn't have to say no, and this realisation shook them up. Pandemic or not, it's always more than OK to say no. It's not a dirty word! When you say yes and no authentically, you get to say yes to the experiences, things, people and feelings that reflect the life you want to lead while filtering out what isn't a fit. You are the steward of your boundaries and bandwidth. Others know what is and isn't permissible when you communicate it. Here are some scripts that have all been used over the last several months as we navigate the pandemic. #baggagereclaim #howtosayno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfcaretips #relationshipadvice #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasers #pandemiclife

One of the things that the pandemic has brought into sharp focus is our relationship with our boundaries. I’ve heard from so many people who were shocked by their discomfort with saying no *even when* it came to the matter of their health and comfort levels. They were sometimes prepared to make themselves and possibly others ill just so they didn't have to say no, and this realisation shook them up.

Pandemic or not, it's always more than OK to say no. It's not a dirty word! When you say yes and no authentically, you get to say yes to the experiences, things, people and feelings that reflect the life you want to lead while filtering out what isn't a fit. You are the steward of your boundaries and bandwidth. Others know what is and isn't permissible when you communicate it.

Here are some scripts that have all been used over the last several months as we navigate the pandemic.

#baggagereclaim #howtosayno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfcaretips #relationshipadvice #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasers #pandemiclife ...

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