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Jul 22

The thing about trying to be what we think others want is that when things don’t work out, we feel even *more* rejected. It’s like ‘Jaysus, they don’t even want the fake me that did everything they wanted, so what chance does the real me stand?!’

It’s disappointing, frustrating and painful when we put a lot of effort into something and things still don’t go the way we want, but at the end of the day, the main source of our suffering is our self-abandonment.

Don’t reject you to win over people.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #rejection #abandonmentissues #selfabandonment #codependentnomore #peoplepleaser #boundaries #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser ...

Jul 15

Every time someone tells me that they haven’t had the necessary boundary because the person “means well”, I fear for them. We find it hard enough with shady folk, especially the ones who keep telling us that it’s for our “own good” or a sign of how much they care about or love us.

When we’ve decided that someone is “nice” and “well-meaning”, we will often opt to suffer it out as we don’t want to hurt their feelings, or appear ungrateful or pee on their parade.

But we don’t need to decide whether or not we can have boundaries based on whether someone ‘deserves’ it, as if to suggest that boundaries are only for bad people or those we’ve decided can ‘handle it’. Our boundaries are based on who we are—our needs, desires, values, expectations, not on other people’s seeming intentions or whims.

When you hear yourself rationalise that someone “means well”, halt. What are you denying about the situation? Where are you ignoring yourself? What are you avoiding saying or doing?

#recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasing #boundaries #thejoyofsayingno #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyboundariesforkindpeople #baggagereclaim #healthyrelationships #listentoyourself #listentoyourgut ...

Jul 12

This is a forever vibe, but I’m particularly feeling it today. One of the best things you can do instead of trying to get a PhD in other people’s BS is accept that some people don’t make sense, that being around them or trying to apply your way of life to them involves too much mental gymnastics and self-gaslighting.

The more you try to make sense of out of nonsense is the more you mess with your head. Protect your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing.

#baggagereclaim #mentalhealthmatters #gaslighting #emotionalintelligence #healthyboundaries #notetoself📝 #selfcaretip #listentoyourself #gaslightingawareness ...

Jul 10

Learning to listen to your gut allows you to become a safe person for yourself. And it will take practice deciphering your gut from fear.

#baggagereclaim #trustyourintuition #trustyourgut #listentoyourself #listentoyourbody #yourbodyisntwrong #emotionalintelligence #innercritic #healthyboundaries #selfcare #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #notetoself📝 ...

Jun 29

So much of what we believe we ‘should’ be and do to be good leaves us feeling anything but this. Instead, we feel ‘not good enough’, worthless, anxious, afraid, resentful, overwhelmed, guilty, ashamed, frustrated and more.

Don’t confuse ‘good’ with obedient, compliant, selling your soul, or ignoring your needs, values and boundaries.

#baggagereclaim #boundaries #thegoodgirl #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #thejoyofsayingno #recoveringperfectionist #burnoutrecovery ...

Jun 23

As a recovering people pleaser, perfectionist and overthinker, I’m all too familiar with basically attempting to Jedi mind trick people with my goodness, overconscientiousness and performing. It was as if I thought it was easier to try to control the uncontrollable than just have some feckin boundaries and stop my suffering!

Boundaries won’t make people spontaneously combust into who you’d prefer them to be, but they will limit the impact of anything that has the potential to encroach on your wellbeing.

#baggagereclaim #boundaries #healthyboundaries #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #thejoyofsayingno #selfcare #peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #anxietyawareness ...

Jun 15

What if you feeling guilty about taking care of you isn’t a sign that you’re doing something wrong but a sign that you never consider yourself? If your body interprets you as being in a foreign and scary situation, of course you’re going to feel guilty as it thinks the norm is self-neglect. Take care of you.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #thejoyofsayingno #selfcare #listentoyourbody #burnoutrecovery #burnoutprevention #healthyboundaries #boundaries #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyawareness #listentoyourself #workboundaries #emotionalintelligence ...

May 16

Before you hate on you for not being able to do all the things and maybe feel as if your body is ‘failing’ you (it isn’t) or that you should be able to keep up and do whatever is thrown at you or that you decide to take on (nope!), halt. We live in a culture that loves putting everything down to laziness or lack of resilience or whatever. Actually, our lack of energy, or the load of resentment, guilt, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, anger, etc., is us being over our bandwidth. Our bodies aren’t wrong; it’s all the BS we’ve internalised that makes us think we’re supposed to be machines that’s the problem.

#baggagereclaim #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyawareness #boundaries #healthyboundaries #listentoyourbody #listentoyourself #selfcare #burnoutprevention #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #workboundaries #emotionalintelligence #mentalhealthawarenessweek #embroideryart ...

Apr 13

It’s a lot easier to get a sense of what you need and what’s out of whack when you’re not going so hard or so fast that you miss signals from your body and life that you’re over your bandwidth and crossing boundaries. Taking care of you every day, not just when shit hits the fan, allows you to live your life more in a way that supports you instead of burning you out as a way of life.

Episodes 219 and 220 of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast are about the baggage behind why we don’t allow ourselves to rest and why it’s ok to have work boundaries. Link in bio.

#baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #recoveringperfectionist #burnoutrecovery #stressreduction #listentoyourbody #selfcare #selfcaredaily ...

Apr 5

I’ve felt pretty pooped for the last few weeks and am doubling down on early nights and taking space to slow down so I can find a new rhythm. The slight easing of lockdown restrictions meant that we could venture to the beach for a change of scenery today. It was exactly what we all needed! And check out Chester trying to take over the photo 🤣👏🏾❤️

The current episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions is about allowing ourselves to rest and why we experience so much resistance and burnout. Link in bio. One of the things I’ve realised is that there will always be more things to do, so it’s best to make sure you make space for rest so that you have a more realistic sense of what you need and want to do.

#baggagereclaim #cockerpoosofinstagram #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfcare #cockerpoo #cockerpoolove ...

Mar 27

It’s easy to tell ourselves that we’re making someone feel ‘good’, not hurting their feelings or avoiding awkward or painful conflict and criticism when we say yes when we really need, want to or should say no, but our dishonesty and lack of boundaries leads to guilt, shame, resentment, frustration and anxiety, to name just a few.

In the end, even though people won’t be all-singing and dancing about it (and nor do they need to be), they much prefer clear boundaries and communication to you feeling crappy or them feeling bad about themselves.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries #boundaries #boundariesarehealthy #healthyrelationships #resentment ...

Mar 10

I’m often asked ‘But how do you know that you need or want to say no?’ The clue is why we said yes (because we’re afraid or trying to control something) or in the way we’re thinking, feeling and behaving during or after we’ve said yes. Here are a few of the signs, including mentally panicking, devoting your bandwidth to coming up with excuses to get out of things, and praying for a catastrophe or to get ill so that you can get out of something.

And I have 400+ scripts to help you reclaim your boundaries and bandwidth. Link in bio!

#baggagereclaim #howtosayno #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships #codependentnomore ...

Mar 8

At 43, I’m really embracing being my kind of woman, not what society tells me I *should* be. I’ve demanded far too much of myself and acted as if I’m for everyone else’s consumption. Nope!

International Women’s Day is a good time to show your younger self some love and acknowledge all the women you’ve been on your journey. Show her some love.

#iwd2021 #innerchild #innerchildhealing #baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasernomore #listentoyourbody ...

Feb 25

My inner perfectionist, if it had its way, would ensure that I did everything A++++++++++++++ 🤣 There’s beauty in not trying to do everything ‘perfectly’ and not putting the expectation on yourself that you have to be The Best. But you also don’t need to make out like you’re not ‘good enough’, nor do you need to burn up so much of your bandwidth comparing you to others. The pushing ourselves too hard, putting ourselves down, and the comparison—they suck the joy out of things. What if we don’t have to try so bloody hard?

#baggagereclaim #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #peoplepleasers #healthyboundaries #comparisonisthethiefofjoy #comparison #innercritic ...

Feb 22

You always deserve better than being somebody’s emotional airbag (or dumping ground/blow-up doll/entertainment centre/scapegoat, for that matter). When you stop letting someone use you as a buffer against dealing with their feelings and *themselves*, you get to value yourself and be with someone else who will treat you like the special, worthwhile and valuable person that you are. You have needs too!

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #boundaries #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #codependentnomore #healthyboundaries #emotionallyunavailable #mrunavailable #healthyrelationships #selfworthquotes #valueyourself ...

Feb 18

When you treat you like a priority, your choices communicate that you matter too and that you value mutually fulfilling relationships.

#baggagereclaim #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #selfworthquotes #valueyourself ...

Feb 16

Losing ourselves in a relationship, whether it’s blending and merging, performing to be their ‘perfect partner’, or doing things that cause us shame, is a sign that we are putting our efforts into the wrong things. We don’t have to do this stuff. Loving relationships allow us to be more of who we really are, not less.

#boundaries #healthyboundaries #baggagereclaim #corevalues #healthyrelationships #listentoyourself #valueyourself #authenticity #authenticself #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser ...

Feb 14

Go easy on yourself. Wherever you are right now, today, romantic relationship or not, things going pretty well or not, you are and always have been a worthwhile and valuable person. And if you’re not where you thought you’d be, I see you, I hear you. It’s more than OK to feel what you feel. But don’t set up residence there because these feelings aren’t a permanent statement of the future, and things will get better. You will be somewhere else. So even though you maybe feel out of control of things and frustrated by this feckin lockdown, do your best to love and take care of you anyway.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalbaggage #recoveringpeoplepleaser #lovingkindness #selfworthquotes #takecareofyou ...

Feb 12

Don’t compromise yourself. It’s never worth it.

#boundaries #baggagereclaim #healthyboundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #codependentnomore #selfesteemquotes ...

Feb 9