List of Posts

Baggage Reclaim has almost 1700 posts about breakups, boundaries, dating, emotional unavailability, happiness and self-esteem, healthier relationships, patterns and habits, living the low BS Diet life, and values and compatibility. This section is basically a list of everything. For podcast episodes, check out the podcast area.

• 11 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship and That It’s Time to Break Up
• Does falling off the No Contact wagon mean starting over from scratch?
• Why Your Ex Still Reaches Out Periodically: Intermittent Reinforcement
• Tips: How to Break up With a Lovely Person
• We don’t want to do the hard thing, but we do want the freedom it offers
• Blindsided With a Breakup: What to Do When You Can’t Get Answers
• How To Tell Someone You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting
• People Pleasing & Breaking Up With Dignity Are Mutually Exclusive
• Advice Wednesday: What do I do now that I’ve fallen off the No Contact wagon?
• What’s the Craic With Ghosting? (And no, it’s NOT the same as No Contact!)
• 5 Irrational Fears & Beliefs About No Contact
• Understanding why an ex is spreading misinformation about you (or building a case against you to break up)
• Are negative associations undermining your post-breakup and No Contact efforts?
• Needing to go No Contact isn’t about being a ‘bad person’, ‘immaturity’, or ‘punishment’
• Excerpt from The No Contact Rule: Dealing with ‘occasions’ like birthdays post-breakup
• Revisited: After The Breakup – Hold tight to your self-respect & stop trying to be friends with the ex that mistreated you!
• It’s Not A Waste – An excerpt from The No Contact Rule (2nd edition)
• When You Wonder Why They Stay With You Or Keep Coming Back When They Don’t Want The Relationship You Want
• You Don’t Have To Gain Agreement Or Acknowledgment In Order To Let Go & Move On
• 10 Thoughts For The Weekend On… Breakups. Remember – It’s Broken, You’re Not
• “I Miss You” Doesn’t Equal “I Want To Be With You” Or “We’re Getting Back Together”
• When Your Ex Returns AGAIN, It’s An Opportunity To Do Right By You
• Let The Breakup Bonfire Burn – You Can Control How Much More Pain You Experience Post Breakup
• Be A Very Good Friend To You First…& Other Thoughts On Being Friends With Your Ex
• You Can’t Erase An Ex From Your Mind…But You Can Reduce Their Power AND Keep Pushing Forward
• Are You Being Used As A Confidence Booster To Launch Your Ex Into Their Next Relationship?
• No Contact: Why you need to keep your proverbial door closed…even when they try to break it down by any means necessary
• When They Come Back Claiming That They’ve Changed…But Have They?
• Dealing With Happy Birthdays and Big Occasions: To Send a Card or Text…Or Not To Send, That Is The Question
• Why You Should Imagine Yourself As Cool, Calm, & Confident When You Deal With Awkward Situations Like Bumping Into an Ex
• You Don’t Have To Hate Someone Or Be Out of Love To Break Up
• Happy One Day, Chopped the Next: When They Break Up and Vanish
• Is There A Difference Between Disappearing and No Contact?
• Miss You, Miss You, Oops, But I’m Not Getting Back With You: When Your Ex Says They Miss You But You’re Still Broken Up
• 10 Essential Breakup Boundaries
• Post Breakup: To Debrief Or Not To Debrief, That Is The Relationship Question
• After The Breakup: Do You Need To De-friend Your Ex on Facebook? Dealing With Your Ex’s and Obsessions
• Why Is He Calling Me? What type of vibes am I giving off?
• Mini Video: Don’t Allow Exes to Keep a Foothold in Your Life or Demote You to Booty Call
• A Tale of Making The Mistake of Being Friends With An Ex Mr Unavailable (Yes the Fire Still Burns)
• Suck It and See To Kill Off Curiosity and Get Out of Relationship Groundhog Day
• Should I Give Him A Second Chance? Or a 3rd, 4th, 20th?
• So…What is he thinking when he keeps making contact or tries to get back together?
• Resisting the Temptation of Making Contact With An Ex at Christmas
• Can you stay friends with Mr Unavailables & Assclowns after you break up?- Part Three
• Can you stay friends with Mr Unavailables & Assclowns after you break up? Part Two
• Can you stay friends with Mr Unavailables & Assclowns after you break up?- Part One
• Getting back with your ex when the reason for the breakup hasn’t changed
• Reader Question: How do I stick to No Contact when we have kids?
• The Big Question: Will he try to get in contact with me?
• Relationship Advice: Should I cut contact, try out a new guy, or be alone?
• The No Contact Rule Really Does Work Reader Success Story
• 10 Truths You Need to Accept About Breaking Up: Part 2
• 10 Truths You Need to Accept About Breaking Up: Part 1
• Relationship Advice: How can I keep up the no contact rule with my guy at work?
• Relationship Advice: I cut contact, then I slept with him, and now HE’S cut contact with me!
• Relationship Advice: I cut contact with him but I don’t want him to be angry or hate me.
• Relationship advice: I feel guilty about the No Contact Rule. Is it morally wrong to disregard someone without explanation?
• Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 10: Thou must close the door and move forward
• Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 9: Thou mustn’t give up on love
• Coping With and Moving On After a Break Up Commandment 8: Thou need to get a life
• Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 7: Thou shalt forgive…but thou shouldn’t forget..but don’t cling…
• Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 6: Thou shalt understand WHY and do something with the knowledge
• Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 5: Thou shalt be accountable
• Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 4: Thou shalt stop doubting yourself and get angry
• Coping With and Moving On After a Break Up Commandment 3: Thou shalt stop fearing the pain of breaking up and confront it
• Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 2: Thou Shalt Not Obsess
• The Ten Commandments of Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Series
• Relationship advice: Should I take my cheating boyfriend back?
• The No Contact Rule: The Get Out Plan
• Coping with breakup drama in the workplace
• Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 3
• Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 2
• Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 1
• Can’t We Just Be Friends?
• Why You Shouldn’t Confront Your Ex
• Advice: Should I Confront My Ex?
• Advice – Should I let a sleeping ex dog lie?
• The No Contact Rule
• Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married/Attached Man
• The Lazy Breakup via Text, Email and Instant Messenger
• The 10 Commandments of Breaking Up
• Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married Man/Attached Man
• Rekindling Relationships: To light or put out the old flame
• Breaking Up a Bad Friendship
• Guest Post: What Not to Do When You Get Dumped
• Sex With the Ex
• Vixen’s Guide to: Letting Him Down Gently
• What Not to Do When You Get Dumped
• Being Friends With an Ex
• This Girl’s Perspective on Getting Dumped…
• Closure: How to Know When You’re Ready to Move On
• Recrudesce: Running into Your Ex
• Guest Post: After The Breakup – Moving Onto Bigger & Better Things

• Boundaries and Why You Need to Watch Out for “Well-Meaning” People
• Trying to Make Someone Change Won’t Fix the Problem of Poor Boundaries
• Not Reciprocating Romantic Interest Is Okay but Dropping Hints Extends the Awkwardness
• About giving second chances because you think your boundaries are ‘better’
• If you weren’t super busy or overwhelmed, would your ‘no’ change to a ‘yes’?
• Here’s why you have no time and are overcommitted, overloaded or overwhelmed
• Saying yes requires discernment if we are to enjoy genuine opportunities
• We Can Unlearn Our Anxiety About Other People’s Moods and Behaviour
• It will take more than one attempt to communicate your boundaries. Keep going!
• Is It That Work Doesn’t Allow You to Have Boundaries or That *You* Don’t?
• Why ignore your ‘life data’ when you can utilise it and take care of you?
• Please Don’t Wait Around for People to Do the Right Thing by You
• Don’t Explain Someone’s Disrespectful Behaviour to Them
• Worrying About Being Overzealous and Going Overboard With Your Boundaries
• Take responsibility for evolving your boundaries, not for other people’s behaviour
• What Does It Mean to Have ‘Healthy Work Boundaries’?
• ‘Hard nos’ are crucial for people who don’t respect your first no
• We can express our anger and frustration at work *without* being intimidating
• Your Growth or Boundaries Might ‘Upset’ Somebody, and That’s Ok
• How to say no when you don’t have the bandwidth to say yes
• 10 Signs That You Want To Say No To Something You’ve Already Said Yes To
• Quick Chats, Little Favours, and ‘Can I Pick Your Brain?’
• How to use feeling uncomfortable to set better boundaries
• Don’t confuse empathy with playing a role of accommodation and overcompensation
• Putting people on pedestals doesn’t give us the right to ‘compensation’
• Boundaries and why we’ve got to stop ‘counting to three’
• Giving to get along
• Boundaries and the messages contained in discomfort
• People Pleasing and the Fear of ‘Inconveniencing’ Others
• We ignore red flags and our intuition because we want the fantasy
• How To Say No To Festive Invites
• How to Deal With Feeling Obliged During the Festive Season
• The Pandemic Will Teach Us to Be More Boundaried
• Protecting a loved one from the wrong crowd
• Boundaries regulate our inner narcissist
• How To Say No: 12 Phrases & Scripts That Won’t Make the Sky Fall Down
• Querying Actions Not Matching Words Isn’t About Trust Issues
• I Am Not Invisible
• Advice Wednesday: Should I Cut Off The Friend Who Keeps Trying To Make Me Look Bad?
• Advice Wednesday: I Tried To Rescue Him From His Unfair Open Relationship & He Went Back To Her
• Some People Can’t Handle Exceptions
• Advice Wednesday: My Gentlemanly Boyfriend Is A Porn Addict With Questionable Tastes
• Advice Wednesday: How Do I Deal With My Husband’s Disrespectful Behaviour When He Keeps Denying It?
• Advice Wednesday: Do I Have Problems That I Can’t Admit To Or Am I Being Manipulated?
• Advice Wednesday: Should I warn other newcomers about his behaviour?
• Forgiveness Made Simpler
• Advice Wednesday: My boyfriend is still married to two women–what should I do?
• Advice Wednesday #6: My Husband’s Adult Children Keep Rejecting Me & He Took Off His Ring To Appease His Ex-Wife
• Why Me and Not Them?
• Dealing With Drainers – the folk who Dump & Charge Up
• Good fences make good neighbours. Respond instead of reacting.
• Set The Standard
• We must stop caring too much for those who care too little for us
• We need to talk about “selfish”
• Snooping Never Leads To Anything Good
• Sometimes, you just don’t have anymore energy left to explain why you’re stepping back (especially when they actually know why)
• Just Because You’ve Agreed To Something Previously, It Doesn’t Mean That You ‘Should’ Do So Again
• Don’t disregard early warning signs or your gut instincts as negative or judgmental – this information is useful!
• When someone’s imposing something upon you, they’re trying to remove your choice (and overstepping your boundaries)
• Some people hover just below your boundary line
• The Only People Who Take Issue With You Having Boundaries Are the Ones Who Need Your Boundaries the Most
• How to know when to say no (AKA How to dodge The Disappointment Cycle & getting tangled up in guilt)
• Sometimes persistence is boundary busting pestering
• Don’t try to get romantic partners to step in as parental replacements. It will only lead to pain.
• Be careful of worrying too much about having ‘overreacted’ to a lie
• When someone blanks you / disappears & then reappears to ask a favour of you, it’s OK to say no
• We can’t always recognise potential issues – it’s just important to have an active response as they unfold
• Sometimes a ‘hard NO’ is the only option you’ve got
• Faux empathy and backdated empathy: When it feels like you’ve been ‘jacked’
• Blame is a decision – make sure you sanity check your decision to absorb all of the blame
• Don’t become an indispensable doormat in order to ‘keep’ a relationship
• Do not engage: why we don’t have to keep riding the same train to destination unhappiness
• When we’re afraid of upsetting someone by calling them out on something
• When we’re stuck on the hurt after confiding in somebody who proves to be untrustworthy & why we sometimes confide to preserve a fantasy that keeps us ‘safe’
• The importance of having ‘stranger awareness’ – don’t let people pretend that they know you better than they do!
• Don’t build your self-esteem ‘house’ from straw or sticks
• Since when did personal space become such a ‘bad’ thing? It’s OK to need some breathing room to deal with something!
• Sometimes a discussion doesn’t cut it. Stop discussing, get to FLUSHING!
• The People-Pleasing Diet: Why You’ve Got to Give Up Trying to Please the Unpleasables
• Saying NO doesn’t mean that you’re screwing someone over
• Sometimes we’ve got to do remorse on our own time
• The Circle of Trust – Do you know who’s in yours & why? Are you even inside your own circle?
• You ARE Allowed to Have Boundaries With Family
• Am I Being Used? Recognising When You’re Being Taken For a Ride… Possibly Literally…
• Sometimes You’ve Got To Reteach People What To Expect From You
• If You’re Going To Argue or Tell Someone About Themselves, Don’t Do It By Text or Email
• Boundaries: Stop Asking For Permission!
• How Having a “Tell” Can Give Someone The Impression That You’ll Tolerate Their Behaviour Or Issues
• Don’t Let Empathising With Circumstance Turn You Into An Emotional Airbag
• Are You An Over-Giver? People Who Give Too Much
• Why It’s Time To Stop Seeking Validation – People Just Aren’t That Objective!
• Exercising Your Right To Say NO & Having Boundaries Isn’t Immature
• NO Isn’t A Dirty Word
• How Attempting To Get The Wedding Dress I Paid For Gave Me A Crash Course In Shady Relationships
• In the Line of Fire: Are you getting carried away with policing your boundaries?
• What’s Your Limit? Deal Breakers and the Importance of Listening to Your Shame Alarm
• It’s JUST Christmas/The Holidays – Stay off the Relationship/Drama Crack
• Stop Explaining. Stop Justifying. Stop Talking. Boundaries are Upheld With Action
• The Broken Windows Theory Applied to Boundaries & Self-Esteem: Time to fix your window(s)!
• Why Explaining & Re-explaining Disrespect is Like Saying “I’m open to negotiating on my boundaries”
• Learning To Trust Again: You’ve Got To ‘Put Out’ Some Trust & Then Adjust Accordingly
• Having Their Cake and Eating It Too: Why It’s Best Not To Give Out The Cake In The First Place
• There’s No Tipping Point of Loving, Giving, & Doing Enough To ‘Win’ People Over
• What’s your relationship deal breaker?
• Pushing Your Mental Flush Handle Lets You Have Better Boundaries
• Understanding Code Red and Amber behaviour in Relationships
• Advice: Help! Is it wrong to have expected my ex to set some boundaries with his interfering female friends & family?
• Understanding The Levels of Boundaries and Discomfort – Working Your Way From Low-Level to Dangerous
• Overcoming Your Fear of Having Standards in Your Relationships
• Walking Through Your Relationship and Observing & Acknowledging The Signs You Missed First Time Around
• 12 Core Boundaries To Live By in Life, Dating, & Relationships
• When You Experience Conflict In Your Friendships Because Of New Boundaries
• Boundaries in Relationships: Understanding Your Personal Electric Fence
• New Video: When You Try To Demonstrate Your Love But They Interpret a Lack of Self-Love
• Love Lessons: When You Can’t or Won’t Ask Questions of the Man You’re Dating/in a Relationship With (P1)
• The Outrageous Principle: When Someone Tests You to See How Much They Can Get Away With
• Reader Question: What do you mean we teach people how to treat us in relationships?
• Finance & Romance Do Not Mix. Ain’t nothin’ going on but the rent!
• 10 Fundamental Lessons on Boundaries in Relationships Part 3
• 10 Fundamental Lessons on Boundaries in Relationships Part 2
• 10 Fundamental Lessons on Boundaries in Relationships Part 1
• Building Boundaries for Healthier Relationships
• Do you have boundaries in your relationships?
• Relationship Advice: My boyfriend wants me to take part in a threesome – help!
• Would you tell your friend that her boyfriend/husband is cheating?
• Guest post: You gotta have friends and you gotta have respect
• Knowing When To Stand Your Ground
• Good Things Don’t Feel Bad and Getting Into Reality
• Guest Post: You Are Not Worth My Time!! How To Know When To Ditch That Guy
• Revealing Your Past
• Is it so hard to join the sisterhood?
• When You’re Accused of Cheating
• Having Standards in Dating and Relationships
• Stop Giving To Men That Don’t Deserve or Want It
• Getting to a Happier and More Self-Fulfilled You: Learn to Say No
• Open Your Eyes
• The Givers, Or Over-Givers
• Other Peoples Standards: When Friends and Family Project Their Fears
• Red Flags and Knowing When To Bail
• Mistakes Women Make With Men