Baggage Reclaim has almost 1700 posts about breakups, boundaries, dating, emotional unavailability, happiness and self-esteem, healthier relationships, patterns and habits, living the low BS Diet life, and values and compatibility. This section is basically a list of everything. For podcast episodes, check out the podcast area.
Boundaried Breakups
- Healing Heartbreak: The Power of Acknowledging Your Role with Compassion
- Breakups Are Often Catalysts For Self-Discovery… If We Pay Attention
- 11 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship and That It’s Time to Break Up
- Does falling off the No Contact wagon mean starting over from scratch?
- Why Your Ex Still Reaches Out Periodically: Intermittent Reinforcement
- Tips: How to Break up With a Lovely Person
- We don’t want to do the hard thing, but we do want the freedom it offers
- Blindsided With a Breakup: What to Do When You Can’t Get Answers
- How To Tell Someone You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting
- People Pleasing & Breaking Up With Dignity Are Mutually Exclusive
- Advice Wednesday: What do I do now that I’ve fallen off the No Contact wagon?
- What’s the Craic With Ghosting? (And no, it’s NOT the same as No Contact!)
- 5 Irrational Fears & Beliefs About No Contact
- Recovering from somebody doing a U-turn on their feelings or proclaimed intentions
- Did they just do a U-turn? When a person overestimates their level of interest or capacity for commitment
- Understanding why an ex is spreading misinformation about you (or building a case against you to break up)
- Are negative associations undermining your post-breakup and No Contact efforts?
- Needing to go No Contact isn’t about being a ‘bad person’, ‘immaturity’, or ‘punishment’
- Excerpt from The No Contact Rule: Dealing with ‘occasions’ like birthdays post-breakup
- Revisited: After The Breakup – Hold tight to your self-respect & stop trying to be friends with the ex that mistreated you!
- It’s Not A Waste – An excerpt from The No Contact Rule (2nd edition)
- When You Wonder Why They Stay With You Or Keep Coming Back When They Don’t Want The Relationship You Want
- You Don’t Have To Gain Agreement Or Acknowledgment In Order To Let Go & Move On
- 10 Thoughts For The Weekend On… Breakups. Remember – It’s Broken, You’re Not
- “I Miss You” Doesn’t Equal “I Want To Be With You” Or “We’re Getting Back Together”
- When Your Ex Returns AGAIN, It’s An Opportunity To Do Right By You
- Let The Breakup Bonfire Burn – You Can Control How Much More Pain You Experience Post Breakup
- Be A Very Good Friend To You First…& Other Thoughts On Being Friends With Your Ex
- You Can’t Erase An Ex From Your Mind…But You Can Reduce Their Power AND Keep Pushing Forward
- Are You Being Used As A Confidence Booster To Launch Your Ex Into Their Next Relationship?
- No Contact: Why you need to keep your proverbial door closed…even when they try to break it down by any means necessary
- When They Come Back Claiming That They’ve Changed…But Have They?
- Dealing With Happy Birthdays and Big Occasions: To Send a Card or Text…Or Not To Send, That Is The Question
- Why You Should Imagine Yourself As Cool, Calm, & Confident When You Deal With Awkward Situations Like Bumping Into an Ex
- You Don’t Have To Hate Someone Or Be Out of Love To Break Up
- Happy One Day, Chopped the Next: When They Break Up and Vanish
- Is There A Difference Between Disappearing and No Contact?
- Miss You, Miss You, Oops, But I’m Not Getting Back With You: When Your Ex Says They Miss You But You’re Still Broken Up
- 10 Essential Breakup Boundaries
- Post Breakup: To Debrief Or Not To Debrief, That Is The Relationship Question
- After The Breakup: Do You Need To De-friend Your Ex on Facebook? Dealing With Your Ex’s and Obsessions
- Why Is He Calling Me? What type of vibes am I giving off?
- Mini Video: Don’t Allow Exes to Keep a Foothold in Your Life or Demote You to Booty Call
- A Tale of Making The Mistake of Being Friends With An Ex Mr Unavailable (Yes the Fire Still Burns)
- Suck It and See To Kill Off Curiosity and Get Out of Relationship Groundhog Day
- Should I Give Him A Second Chance? Or a 3rd, 4th, 20th?
- So…What is he thinking when he keeps making contact or tries to get back together?
- Resisting the Temptation of Making Contact With An Ex at Christmas
- Can you stay friends with Mr Unavailables & Assclowns after you break up?- Part Three
- Can you stay friends with Mr Unavailables & Assclowns after you break up? Part Two
- Can you stay friends with Mr Unavailables & Assclowns after you break up?- Part One
- Getting back with your ex when the reason for the breakup hasn’t changed
- Reader Question: How do I stick to No Contact when we have kids?
- Reader Advice: Help me understand my commitment-phobic obsessive ex!
- The Big Question: Will he try to get in contact with me?
- Shades of Grey: Contact is Contact, Emotionally Unavailable is Emotionally Unavailable
- How To Lose An Assclown in 90 Days Excerpt: The Trap of Compassion & Projection with Assclowns
- Relationship Advice: Should I cut contact, try out a new guy, or be alone?
- The No Contact Rule Really Does Work Reader Success Story
- 10 Truths You Need to Accept About Breaking Up: Part 2
- 10 Truths You Need to Accept About Breaking Up: Part 1
- Why you will always be a Yo-Yo Girl if you don’t maintain the No Contact Rule
- Relationship Advice: How can I keep up the no contact rule with my guy at work?
- Relationship Advice: I cut contact, then I slept with him, and now HE’S cut contact with me!
- Relationship Advice: I cut contact with him but I don’t want him to be angry or hate me.
- Relationship advice: I feel guilty about the No Contact Rule. Is it morally wrong to disregard someone without explanation?
- Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 10: Thou must close the door and move forward
- Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 9: Thou mustn’t give up on love
- Coping With and Moving On After a Break Up Commandment 8: Thou need to get a life
- Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 7: Thou shalt forgive…but thou shouldn’t forget..but don’t cling…
- Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 6: Thou shalt understand WHY and do something with the knowledge
- Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 5: Thou shalt be accountable
- Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 4: Thou shalt stop doubting yourself and get angry
- Coping With and Moving On After a Break Up Commandment 3: Thou shalt stop fearing the pain of breaking up and confront it
- Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Commandment 2: Thou Shalt Not Obsess
- The Ten Commandments of Coping With and Moving On After a Breakup Series
- Relationship advice: Should I take my cheating boyfriend back?
- The No Contact Rule: The Get Out Plan
- Coping with breakup drama in the workplace
- Did I chase or scare him away?
- Advice: What’s the difference between emotionally unavailable and he just wants to break up?
- Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 3
- Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 2
- Breaking Up and Moving On By Cutting Contact. Part 1
- Advice: Help! I’m a Yo-Yo Girl that feels bad for ending my Boomerang Relationship
- Advice: Is he returning because he loves me or am I the Fallback Girl?
- Can’t We Just Be Friends?
- Why You Shouldn’t Confront Your Ex
- Advice: Should I Confront My Ex?
- Advice – Should I let a sleeping ex dog lie?
- The No Contact Rule
- Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married/Attached Man
- The Lazy Breakup via Text, Email and Instant Messenger
- The 10 Commandments of Breaking Up
- Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married Man/Attached Man
- Rekindling Relationships: To light or put out the old flame
- Breaking Up a Bad Friendship
- Guest Post: What Not to Do When You Get Dumped
- Sex With the Ex
- Vixen’s Guide to: Letting Him Down Gently
Boundaries
- Assert Yourself for You, Not for Approval or Control
- Healthy Boundaries Are as Much for You as They Are for Everyone Else
- Healthy Boundaries in Supporting a Partner’s Mental Health
- More Authentic Yes is Great for Our Body’s Stress Levels
- Beware Being An Emotional Dumpster or Airbag and Know Your Limits
- Having Needs and Boundaries Doesn’t Make You a Bad Person
- Healthier Boundaries Allow You To Express Your Authentic Self
- The Power of Saying “Yes” and “No”: More Authenticity Creates Healthy Boundaries
- Boundaries and Why You Need to Watch Out for “Well-Meaning” People
- Trying to Make Someone Change Won’t Fix the Problem of Poor Boundaries
- It’s Most Definitely Not Your Job to Make a Romantic Partner Commit
- Not Reciprocating Romantic Interest Is Okay but Dropping Hints Extends the Awkwardness
- About giving second chances because you think your boundaries are ‘better’
- If you weren’t super busy or overwhelmed, would your ‘no’ change to a ‘yes’?
- Here’s why you have no time and are overcommitted, overloaded or overwhelmed
- Saying Yes Requires Discernment if We Are to Enjoy Genuine Opportunities
- We Can Unlearn Our Anxiety About Other People’s Moods and Behaviour
- It will take more than one attempt to communicate your boundaries. Keep going!
- Is It That Work Doesn’t Allow You to Have Boundaries or That *You* Don’t?
- Why ignore your ‘life data’ when you can utilise it and take care of you?
- Please Don’t Wait Around for People to Do the Right Thing by You
- Don’t Explain Someone’s Disrespectful Behaviour to Them
- Worrying About Being Overzealous and Going Overboard With Your Boundaries
- Take responsibility for evolving your boundaries, not for other people’s behaviour
- What Does It Mean to Have ‘Healthy Work Boundaries’?
- ‘Hard nos’ are crucial for people who don’t respect your first no
- We can express our anger and frustration at work *without* being intimidating
- Your Growth or Boundaries Might ‘Upset’ Somebody, and That’s Ok
- How to say no when you don’t have the bandwidth to say yes
- 10 Signs That You Want To Say No To Something You’ve Already Said Yes To
- Quick Chats, Little Favours, and ‘Can I Pick Your Brain?’
- How to use feeling uncomfortable to set better boundaries
- Don’t confuse empathy with playing a role of accommodation and overcompensation
- Putting people on pedestals doesn’t give us the right to ‘compensation’
- Boundaries and why we’ve got to stop ‘counting to three’
- Giving To Get Along
- Boundaries and the messages contained in discomfort
- People Pleasing and the Fear of ‘Inconveniencing’ Others
- We ignore red flags and our intuition because we want the fantasy
- How To Say No To Festive Invites
- How to Deal With Feeling Obliged During the Festive Season
- The Pandemic Will Teach Us to Be More Boundaried
- Protecting a loved one from the wrong crowd
- Boundaries regulate our inner narcissist
- How To Say No: 12 Phrases & Scripts That Won’t Make the Sky Fall Down
- Querying Actions Not Matching Words Isn’t About Trust Issues
- I Am Not Invisible
- Advice Wednesday: Should I Cut Off The Friend Who Keeps Trying To Make Me Look Bad?
- Advice Wednesday: I Tried To Rescue Him From His Unfair Open Relationship & He Went Back To Her
- Some People Can’t Handle Exceptions
- Advice Wednesday: My Gentlemanly Boyfriend Is A Porn Addict With Questionable Tastes
- Advice Wednesday: How Do I Deal With My Husband’s Disrespectful Behaviour When He Keeps Denying It?
- Advice Wednesday: Do I Have Problems That I Can’t Admit To Or Am I Being Manipulated?
- Don’t Be The Bridge Between Someone’s Old & New Relationship
- Don’t Opt For Social Proof Over Your Own Assessment of Someone
- Advice Wednesday: Should I warn other newcomers about his behaviour?
- Forgiveness Made Simpler
- Advice Wednesday: My boyfriend is still married to two women–what should I do?
- Advice Wednesday #6: My Husband’s Adult Children Keep Rejecting Me & He Took Off His Ring To Appease His Ex-Wife
- We Need To Talk About Narcissists: 20 Mindset Shifts To Help You Stop Crazy-Making Yourself
- The Reset Button and Just Move On and Fuggedaboudit
- Um, *Why* Are You Telling Me This? [When Exes & ‘Friends’ Tell You Stuff You *Really* Don’t Need To Know]
- Why Me and Not Them?
- Dealing With Drainers – the folk who Dump & Charge Up
- Good fences make good neighbours. Respond instead of reacting.
- If they lie to themselves, why are they going to be honest with us?
- Super Late: How we treat time says a lot about how much we respect other people’s time
- “No one will love you better” – what the what now?
- Set The Standard
- We must stop caring too much for those who care too little for us
- We need to talk about “selfish”
- Admit The Cover-Up & Stop Overcompensating
- Dodging People’s Projections: It’s Not About Us. Really.
- If They Won’t Cosign To The Truth, It Doesn’t Invalidate It
- Snooping Never Leads To Anything Good
- Sometimes, you just don’t have anymore energy left to explain why you’re stepping back (especially when they actually know why)
- Just Because You’ve Agreed To Something Previously, It Doesn’t Mean That You ‘Should’ Do So Again
- When they collect friendships with exes, get out of the harem!
- Moving past ambiguous situations: It’s OK to take a step back when they say that they’re not interested
- Buffers: When You’re The One That They Turn To When They’re Unhappy With Their Current Relationship
- Don’t disregard early warning signs or your gut instincts as negative or judgmental – this information is useful!
- When someone’s imposing something upon you, they’re trying to remove your choice (and overstepping your boundaries)
- Some people hover just below your boundary line
- The more assumptions you make, the more misunderstandings you have to deal with (Mo’ Assumptions, Mo’ Problems)
- Being loyal is a great quality – don’t mix it up with servitude
- How our perceived entitlement to what we want is keeping us stuck and why we need to challenge what we believe we’re owed
- If You Can’t Be Casual About Casual Sex, It’s Not Casual Sex
- When you’re met with the You’re The First / You’re The Only One With A Problem defense
- Telling people what we think they want to hear leads to resentment on all sides
- The Only People Who Take Issue With You Having Boundaries Are the Ones Who Need Your Boundaries the Most
- Drip-Feeding: When you get the truth (or lies) in installments
- How to know when to say no (AKA How to dodge The Disappointment Cycle & getting tangled up in guilt)
- Sometimes persistence is boundary busting pestering
- When someone wants you to devalue yourself in a relationship based on their previous experiences with somebody else
- Being ‘super busy’ isn’t a justifiable reason for accepting crumbs and mistreatment
- Stop letting December stress you out! It’s JUST Christmas!
- Do you have an Overactive Guilt Thyroid? Why it’s time to lose the misplaced sense of obligation over birthday greetings to exes, text replies etc
- Don’t try to get romantic partners to step in as parental replacements. It will only lead to pain.
- Be careful of worrying too much about having ‘overreacted’ to a lie
- When someone blanks you / disappears & then reappears to ask a favour of you, it’s OK to say no
- There’s a big difference between giving the benefit of the doubt and giving the benefit of magic eraser
- We can’t always recognise potential issues – it’s just important to have an active response as they unfold
- Sometimes a ‘hard NO’ is the only option you’ve got
- Why it’s time to stop telling people what they want to hear (or what we *think* they want to hear)
- Faux empathy and backdated empathy: When it feels like you’ve been ‘jacked’
- Blame Is a Decision: Make Sure You Sanity Check Your Decision to Absorb All the Blame
- Don’t become an indispensable doormat in order to ‘keep’ a relationship
- Do not engage: why we don’t have to keep riding the same train to destination unhappiness
- Revisited: Behind every excuse lies the real reason
- When we’re afraid of upsetting someone by calling them out on something
- Even if you have a positive attitude, you still won’t be capable of Jedi mind tricking people into being and doing what you want
- When we’re stuck on the hurt after confiding in somebody who proves to be untrustworthy & why we sometimes confide to preserve a fantasy that keeps us ‘safe’
- Why telling ‘little lies’ can end up mattering in a big way
- The importance of having ‘stranger awareness’ – don’t let people pretend that they know you better than they do!
- Don’t build your self-esteem ‘house’ from straw or sticks
- Is it love? Or is it glorification? Stop pumping them up & take down that pedestal!
- Criticism isn’t the same as rejection. Yes, really.
- Since when did personal space become such a ‘bad’ thing? It’s OK to need some breathing room to deal with something!
- Sometimes a discussion doesn’t cut it. Stop discussing, get to FLUSHING!
- The People-Pleasing Diet: Why You’ve Got to Give Up Trying to Please the Unpleasables
- If someone has truly changed, there’s growth and a change in their habits
- You’re not going to crazy-make me! Why I won’t be making sense out of nonsense and you shouldn’t either!
- Saying NO doesn’t mean that you’re screwing someone over
- Sometimes we’ve got to do remorse on our own time
- The Circle of Trust – Do you know who’s in yours & why? Are you even inside your own circle?
- Revisited: The Truth About Intentions
- Being Honest Isn’t An Automatic Precursor To Compliance
- The BS Diet: Natural Consequences & Why You Need To Stop The Big Cover-Up
- Your Situation May Feel ‘Unique’ But Really, It’s Not Unique In Literally Being the Only One of Its Kind
- You ARE Allowed to Have Boundaries With Family
- What’s the problem with saying NO? When you have negative associations with NO
- Am I Being Used? Recognising When You’re Being Taken For a Ride… Possibly Literally…
- Sometimes You’ve Got To Reteach People What To Expect From You
- If you feel bad after you ‘help’, it probably wasn’t ‘helping’ (Why it’s good to stay out of Other People’s Business)
- Your Frustrations With Others Provides Insight Into Where You May Need To Adapt
- If You’re Going To Argue or Tell Someone About Themselves, Don’t Do It By Text or Email
- I want to be liked but I don’t want to be liked THAT much: Why you’re just not THAT desperate to be liked
- The Trouble With Lying & Cheating (Why you need to stick to a low BS diet)
- Just Because Someone Says Something, It Doesn’t Make It So (Don’t let them use BS to blame you)
- Boundaries: Stop Asking For Permission!
- When You Feel Under Pressure From Family To ‘Forget’ a Drama Just In Time For The Holidays
- If You’re Being What You Think Is a ‘Good’ Girlfriend/Boyfriend, Are You Actually Being You?
- When You Think Somebody’s Mad At You… Even When You Haven’t Done Anything
- It’s What Comes After The “But…” That Counts
- How Having a “Tell” Can Give Someone The Impression That You’ll Tolerate Their Behaviour Or Issues
- Are You Being ‘Too Sensitive’?
- Honesty’s Got To Cut Both Ways
- “I can’t believe they’ve changed – What’s wrong with me?”
- Are You Being ‘Nice’ & Passive To ‘Win’ a Relationship? Why Losing The Hidden Agenda Will Let You Be You
- Sometimes Embarrassment / Shame Stops A Person From Making Attempts To Remedy A Situation Or Get In Touch