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Tina asks: I’ve recently found myself in a strange place in my relationship with my boyfriend of just over one year. For the past couple of months, he has been hinting at, and now actively pursuing the idea of us having a threesome. To be honest, I am not interested in having a threesome – it’s just not the type of thing I can imagine myself doing without regretting it afterwards or it causing problems in our relationship. He doesn’t seem to understand why I’m not interested saying it’ll be ‘fun’ and bring us ‘closer’.

I am afraid that he is going to lose interest in me if I don’t agree to this. He’s a lovely guy and I really want to be with him, but this latest thing combined with some other stuff like some occasional disappearing acts is making me question whether I should be with him. I don’t know if I am being a prude and close minded? Or am I right to feel uncomfortable? What would you do?

NML says: If your boyfriend genuinely loves and cares about you and has the interests of the relationship first and foremost when making a decision, he should respect your decision.You have only been together for a year – where is the fire? It’s hardly a long time and I would say that if you’re not the threesome type, trying to put a three-way in the relationship which is already a little shaky seems a little strange.

Personally, you wouldn’t catch me dead having a threesome with a guy who pulls disappearing acts. I think you’re being too kind when you say he’s lovely… This type of behaviour is a poor indicator of character and his relationship values as it shows a disrespect – If he can’t respect you enough to not disappear, why should you open up yourself (and your legs) to a third party?

Why don’t you suggest that you have a threesome with a guy and see how fast the idea suddenly loses interest for him?…

Are you prudish? I have no idea. It’s different strokes for different folks and we do what we are comfortable with and if we’re going to start shagging two people at once, we need to be pretty comfortable! Unless your fantasy is to have a threesome, the idea turns you on, or you’ve had one previously, you’re unlikely to leap at the idea and him badgering you about it isn’t going to improve matters.

Who is to say it will be fun and bring you closer? Why should a third party bring you closer?

If your boyfriend really wants to engage you in the idea of having a threesome, rather than talk complete and utter doo doo and play on your insecurities, he’d do better to nurture the relationship and gradually get you to try and understand where he is coming from. But he can’t have his cake and eat it – he can’t neglect the relationship and then badger you for a threesome! That’s just wrong!

Do not under any circumstances do anything out of fear of losing him. If you could lose a man over not having a threesome, he’s not worth having. It’s hardly a do or die thing.

Sometimes men are a bit thick – you know when you’re with a girl who is up for anything and you know when you’re with a shyer type of girl – Why do they keep barking up the wrong tree? I think in this case he is testing you out to see how far you will go to please him and just remember that if you go down Route Threesome, you may set a tone for your relationship.

If he can’t let it go, let him go because I suspect that this is the icing on the issues in your relationship, not the cake.

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