If you sit in a position for long enough, it hurts. In fact, if we’re not experiencing enough growth and change in our lives, just like our bodies, our lives become more than a little stiff and achy. It then becomes like sitting in an incredibly uncomfortable chair and knowing that you can get up, but continuing to sit there in the hope of something or someone else coming along to relieve your ache.
You may feel like you don’t have the option of getting up, even though you do. You may shift around a little and basically only get uncomfortable within a few centimetres radius, which may gave you a bit of relief. Eventually, you either figure out that you have to make the change and get the hell up, or you sit there with sores and aches, complaining about how much you dislike sitting there but never actually truly doing anything about it.
People who make and stick to decisions, will do the equivalent of stretching themselves in a 50 mile radius. People who struggle with decisions, try to do it in a one mile (or even less radius) and then give up because it feels too uncomfortable while often talking and acting like they made a greater stretch.
If being in an uncomfortable comfort zone is familiar to you and you struggle with relationships, it’s because you try to get love in your comfort zone, even though this means that you’re likely to wind up in an unhealthy relationship that will only add to your discomfort.
Some relationships feel like ‘home’ because they represent what you know, even if what you know is pain.
They tick your familiarity boxes because they cater to your beliefs as well as your fears, and can provide a misguided opportunity to right the wrongs of your past or to go for bust and be the exception to the rule. It’s basically relationship insanity; carrying the same beliefs, baggage and behaviours while choosing similar people and situations, and then expecting different results. And then wondering why it hasn’t worked out.
Your uncomfortable comfort zone may even represent one person and one relationship that you just won’t let go of, so it keeps coming back like Michael Myers in Halloween because you keep reacting to your fear of the unknown, then doing things that keep you in the familiar uncomfortable, which of course continue to make you feel uncomfortable, while at the same time your fears tell you that the discomfort you’re experiencing is less than the discomfort of the unknown that you fear. And round and round you go.
In uncomfortable comfort zones, you can convince yourself that you’re less than what you are, that the world is against you, that it’s better this way, that at least you’re not X or that at least you have Y, or that you’re trying more than you actually are. It gives you permission to be right and say “Ha! I knew there was no point in making a decision because there’s no decent people to date anyway / the last chance saloon has gone / I’m not good enough / I’ll only eff it up and I’m better off sticking with what I know or even the devil I know” and other such guff. But you have to remember that it may be a ‘comfort zone’, but it represents all of the discomforts that sell you short.
If you want to get out of an uncomfortable comfort zone, check out my book and ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, as well as others in my bookshop.