The Blame Trap Only Ends Up Helping Shady People

When we’re in unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships, we often blame others, and then ourselves, for the other person’s behaviour. For instance, we claim that our romantic partner ex(es) ‘obviously’ didn’t love them right or give the right support or sex them...

The Self-Blame Habit

As children, when something ‘bad’ happened, we looked around for a reason that ‘made sense’ to explain our feelings, the whys and hows, etc. We did this to work out what we needed to be and do in the future to avoid experiencing that negative outcome again. Kids see...

The More Validation You Seek, The More Unworthy You Feel

If you’ve ever tried to convince someone about you, you will be all too familiar with that feeling of becoming unconvinced about yourself. Seeking validation is the equivalent of being and doing things that say, ‘Please, tell me who I am. Tell me I’m worth it. Tell me...

Stop Using Perfectionism to Keep Shifting the Goalposts on Your Self-Esteem

One thing you’re not aware of when you have excessively high standards and, as a result, are pulling down your self-esteem is that you’re not distinguishing between not good enough, good enough, and perfect, hence why you rarely register your progress.When you are on...

Resisting Change Leads to the Groundhog Day of Relationship Insanity

It’s easy to believe that you’re open to change if you’ve tended to lose yourself in your relationships. All the morphing, blending, and adapting to suit other people’s agendas was really you catering to your beliefs about yourself, love, and relationships. It...