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Knowing if things are different ‘this time’

Knowing if things are different ‘this time’

by NATALIE | Jul 8, 2020 | Happiness & Self-Esteem

When we feel as if we’ve had a bad run with certain types of people or situation, there can be this anxiety and fear that it’s happening (or going to) when we try again. So, for example, we start dating someone new. Although it seems to be going pretty well,...
The belief that you’re not ‘good enough’ is a reasoning habit

The belief that you’re not ‘good enough’ is a reasoning habit

by NATALIE | Jun 16, 2020 | Happiness & Self-Esteem

For some of us, feeling not ‘good enough’ is as familiar as breathing. Feeling inadequate and worthless from a very young age is why I’m a recovering people-pleaser, perfectionist and overthinker. Believing it drove me into painful relationships forcing myself...
Tired of your self-criticism? Invest in a self-esteem jar

Tired of your self-criticism? Invest in a self-esteem jar

by NATALIE | Jun 11, 2020 | Happiness & Self-Esteem

Keeping an ‘esteem jar’ is a mix of expressing gratitude and noting something good about you. It’s the act of acknowledging where you’re making changes, shifting perspective and seeing results, no matter how small. When you have an unhealthy pattern of...
Are you in a casual relationship with your values?

Are you in a casual relationship with your values?

by NATALIE | Jun 8, 2020 | Happiness & Self-Esteem

We tend to feel baffled when a date or few that seemed so promising doesn’t progress to a relationship. I think this is especially so when we feel as if we were on The Best Date Ever TM or the person intimated or outright stated that they were looking for more...

Character is who you are even when no one is watching.

by NATALIE | Jun 3, 2020 | Happiness & Self-Esteem

I’ve been black for almost forty-three years, almost forty-four if you count my time in the womb. There’s been heartfelt desire and urgency for people to not just care more about racism but to take a collective stand against it by reflecting it in their...

Are they doubts, or are you trying to be a fortune-teller?

by NATALIE | Jun 2, 2020 | Happiness & Self-Esteem

There are times we experience doubt, so we feel uncertain about something or someone. Sometimes it’s us that we lack faith in, second-guessing ourselves and doubting our abilities, efforts, needs, desires, expectations, feelings or opinions. We don’t acknowledge...
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MOST POPULAR POSTS

  • When You’re Accused of Cheating
  • How To Tell Someone You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting
  • 30 Signs That Someone Isn’t Interested Or Is Half-Heartedly Interested In You: How To Avoid Being a Passing Time Candidate
  • 10 Signs That A Guy Wants You Just For Sex
  • Don’t They Care About Me? Didn’t I Mean Something To Them?
  • Why Do They Keep Having Sex With Me If They’re Not Interested Or Don’t Want The Relationship I Want?
  • Letting Go of a Relationship That Doesn’t Exist
  • Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married/Attached Man
  • The Big Question: Will he try to get in contact with me?
  • Miss You, Miss You, Oops, But I’m Not Getting Back With You: When Your Ex Says They Miss You But You’re Still Broken Up

RECENT COMMENTS

  • NATALIE on Podcast Ep 192: I Guilt You So Much!
  • NATALIE on Podcast Ep 192: I Guilt You So Much!
  • LauraG on Podcast Ep 192: I Guilt You So Much!
  • Karen on Podcast Ep 192: I Guilt You So Much!
  • NATALIE on Podcast Ep. 190: Did I scare them off? Was it my Jedi mind tricks?

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natlue

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natlue

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Aug 5

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Something I’ve come to learn over the years is t Something I’ve come to learn over the years is that our inner critic is switchy as hell. We contemplate stepping out of our comfort zone, and our inner critic scares the bejaysus out of us, puts us down or reminds us of the past. So we don’t do it, and our inner critic switches sides and points out that we’re a coward, useless or whatever, or makes out like we’ve missed the last chance saloon. We can’t win! Your inner critic isn’t like a restaurant critic who can be scathing but will hopefully give out praise when it’s well-deserved. Nope! It has one function, and one function only: to criticise. So you’ve got to stop trying to people-please it. Recognising that your inner critic is switchy helps you to distinguish it from your inner voice. And being more you helps you to have a more boundaried relationship with your inner critic because you can hear yourself more clearly. #selfsabotage #innercritic #innercritictamer #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasers #selfexpression #beingyourself #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfcare #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut #selfsabotage

Something I’ve come to learn over the years is that our inner critic is switchy as hell. We contemplate stepping out of our comfort zone, and our inner critic scares the bejaysus out of us, puts us down or reminds us of the past. So we don’t do it, and our inner critic switches sides and points out that we’re a coward, useless or whatever, or makes out like we’ve missed the last chance saloon. We can’t win!

Your inner critic isn’t like a restaurant critic who can be scathing but will hopefully give out praise when it’s well-deserved. Nope! It has one function, and one function only: to criticise. So you’ve got to stop trying to people-please it.

Recognising that your inner critic is switchy helps you to distinguish it from your inner voice. And being more you helps you to have a more boundaried relationship with your inner critic because you can hear yourself more clearly.

#selfsabotage #innercritic #innercritictamer #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasers #selfexpression #beingyourself #boundaries #healthyboundaries #selfcare #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut #selfsabotage ...

natlue

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Aug 2

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If someone flips out, silent-treatments or emotion If someone flips out, silent-treatments or emotionally blackmails you because you said no (or want something different), it’s a sign that your boundaries were overdue. Keeping in mind that boundaries represent our principles, preferences and priorities, but that they also reflect how we need, want or should use our time, energy, effort and emotion, someone getting mad at us because we have boundaries is a code red alert that something is up in funky town with the relationship. It’s your time, energy, effort, emotions, mind, body, spirit and stuff, so *you* get to decide what *your* boundaries are!👋🏾 #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut

If someone flips out, silent-treatments or emotionally blackmails you because you said no (or want something different), it’s a sign that your boundaries were overdue.

Keeping in mind that boundaries represent our principles, preferences and priorities, but that they also reflect how we need, want or should use our time, energy, effort and emotion, someone getting mad at us because we have boundaries is a code red alert that something is up in funky town with the relationship.

It’s your time, energy, effort, emotions, mind, body, spirit and stuff, so *you* get to decide what *your* boundaries are!👋🏾

#baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut ...

natlue

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Aug 1

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When people tell me that they’re friends with *a When people tell me that they’re friends with *all* of their exes, a red flag goes up in my mind. It’s like having a trophy cabinet that says ‘Look, I must be alright because I can be friends with all of my exes!’ Here’s the thing, though: They’re not giving out awards for Ex of The Year or all of the people-pleasing and boundary-busting. I talk to so many people who devote themselves to catering to their exes. So much so that I ask them: If you’re working so hard to keep your ex in your life (and possibly letting them tap you for booty, ego strokes, shoulder to lean on, money, etc.), where does a new partner fit into your life? I’m all for genuine friendships with exes, but when what we’re doing is auditioning for our old job or letting ourselves be used, that’s not ‘friendship’ and it’s not in our best interests. We do not need our exes to validate our existence. The fact that the relationship didn’t work out isn’t a blemish on our self-worth. If you have one, a few or all exes keeping a foothold in your life, they’re hogging up your relationship parking space and using up your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual bandwidth. At some point, you need to award you the freedom and the better relationship you deserve. #selfsabotage #baggagereclaim #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyboundariesforkindpeople #exesbelike #overgiving #codependentnomore #getoveryourex #yourex #breakups #breakupadvice #afterbreakup #friendshipadvice #friendshipquotes

When people tell me that they’re friends with *all* of their exes, a red flag goes up in my mind. It’s like having a trophy cabinet that says ‘Look, I must be alright because I can be friends with all of my exes!’ Here’s the thing, though: They’re not giving out awards for Ex of The Year or all of the people-pleasing and boundary-busting.

I talk to so many people who devote themselves to catering to their exes. So much so that I ask them: If you’re working so hard to keep your ex in your life (and possibly letting them tap you for booty, ego strokes, shoulder to lean on, money, etc.), where does a new partner fit into your life?

I’m all for genuine friendships with exes, but when what we’re doing is auditioning for our old job or letting ourselves be used, that’s not ‘friendship’ and it’s not in our best interests. We do not need our exes to validate our existence. The fact that the relationship didn’t work out isn’t a blemish on our self-worth.

If you have one, a few or all exes keeping a foothold in your life, they’re hogging up your relationship parking space and using up your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual bandwidth. At some point, you need to award you the freedom and the better relationship you deserve.

#selfsabotage #baggagereclaim #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #boundaries #healthyboundaries #healthyboundariesforkindpeople #exesbelike #overgiving #codependentnomore #getoveryourex #yourex #breakups #breakupadvice #afterbreakup #friendshipadvice #friendshipquotes ...

natlue

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Jul 29

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Boundaries are so often regarded as something nega Boundaries are so often regarded as something negative or a tool to rule others and tell people all about themselves. It’s no wonder, then, that so many of us avoid or misuse them! Boundaries are so much more than saying no or letting people know when they’ve pissed us off. They’re about creating a life that looks and feels like ours, and that reflects our values and our needs. If we don't practice discernment by creating boundaries that reflect our character, how we feel and what matters to us, how on earth can we know whether something or someone feels good and right for us? And the great thing is that when we embrace healthy boundaries, we stop being over-responsible, over-giving and feeling rubbish about ourselves and our relationships. In episode 193 of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, I explain the landmarks of boundaried communication--compassion, congruence, clarity, ownership and grace--so that you can start to feel more confident about speaking up and stepping up when you need, should or want to. #baggagereclaim #overresponsible #boundaries #healthyboundaries #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #selfexpression #communicationskills #listentoyourself #beingyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourself #emotionalintelligence #corevalues #corevaluesinaction #codependentnomore #intentionallife #beingauthentic #authenticitymatters #relationshipquote #relationshipadvice #healthycommunication #setboundaries #settingboundaries

Boundaries are so often regarded as something negative or a tool to rule others and tell people all about themselves. It’s no wonder, then, that so many of us avoid or misuse them!

Boundaries are so much more than saying no or letting people know when they’ve pissed us off. They’re about creating a life that looks and feels like ours, and that reflects our values and our needs. If we don't practice discernment by creating boundaries that reflect our character, how we feel and what matters to us, how on earth can we know whether something or someone feels good and right for us?

And the great thing is that when we embrace healthy boundaries, we stop being over-responsible, over-giving and feeling rubbish about ourselves and our relationships.

In episode 193 of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, I explain the landmarks of boundaried communication--compassion, congruence, clarity, ownership and grace--so that you can start to feel more confident about speaking up and stepping up when you need, should or want to.

#baggagereclaim #overresponsible #boundaries #healthyboundaries #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #selfexpression #communicationskills #listentoyourself #beingyourself #trustyourgut #trustyourself #emotionalintelligence #corevalues #corevaluesinaction #codependentnomore #intentionallife #beingauthentic #authenticitymatters #relationshipquote #relationshipadvice #healthycommunication #setboundaries #settingboundaries ...

natlue

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Jul 22

Open
I spent much of my life believing that saying no, I spent much of my life believing that saying no, being more of who I really am, not taking responsibility for everything under the sun, and expressing what does and doesn’t work for me through my choices would hurt people’s feelings. This isn’t true. If someone is pissed off with you in response to your boundaries, it’s because of the nature of your relationship. The boundary revealed an illusion you’d both operated under, possibly to their advantage. But, and it is a big but, all humans are supposed to feel their emotions in response to life. It helps us to understand ourselves, navigate and read our environment, and meet our needs. We must stop behaving as if it’s our job to cotton-wool people so that they never feel the remotest discomfort and grow. That’s us being over-responsible and overstepping boundaries, not actually what the other person needs or even wants. Boundaries are a way to love yourself *and* your relationships. #baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut

I spent much of my life believing that saying no, being more of who I really am, not taking responsibility for everything under the sun, and expressing what does and doesn’t work for me through my choices would hurt people’s feelings. This isn’t true.

If someone is pissed off with you in response to your boundaries, it’s because of the nature of your relationship. The boundary revealed an illusion you’d both operated under, possibly to their advantage.

But, and it is a big but, all humans are supposed to feel their emotions in response to life. It helps us to understand ourselves, navigate and read our environment, and meet our needs. We must stop behaving as if it’s our job to cotton-wool people so that they never feel the remotest discomfort and grow. That’s us being over-responsible and overstepping boundaries, not actually what the other person needs or even wants.

Boundaries are a way to love yourself *and* your relationships.

#baggagereclaim #emotionalintelligence #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasernomore #boundaries #healthyboundaries #overresponsible #innerchild #innerchildhealing #beingyourself #selfexpression #codependentnomore #listentoyourself #listeningtoyourbody #intuitionquotes #trustyourself #trustyourgut ...

natlue

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Jul 20

Open
So many of us feel guilt and shame when we spend s So many of us feel guilt and shame when we spend so much as a nanosecond considering our needs, expectations, desires, feelings and opinions. We focus on people-pleasing, but we don't realise is that when we guilt and shame us into not having boundaries or practising self-care, it's emotional blackmail. This realisation was a wake-up call for me because I don't like when others do it to me, so I had to become very conscious of where I coerce, scare or, yes, gaslight me into ignoring myself. It’s also recognising this: we are allowed to feel good about ourselves. We don’t have to do everything from a place of feeling crappy and obliged. Much more on this in the latest episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast (ep 192). Link in bio. #peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries #codependentnomore #shamefree #baggagereclaim #peoplepleaser #emotionalblackmail #boundaries #boundariesarehealthy #listentoyourself #trustyourintuition #intuitionquotes

So many of us feel guilt and shame when we spend so much as a nanosecond considering our needs, expectations, desires, feelings and opinions. We focus on people-pleasing, but we don't realise is that when we guilt and shame us into not having boundaries or practising self-care, it's emotional blackmail. This realisation was a wake-up call for me because I don't like when others do it to me, so I had to become very conscious of where I coerce, scare or, yes, gaslight me into ignoring myself. It’s also recognising this: we are allowed to feel good about ourselves. We don’t have to do everything from a place of feeling crappy and obliged. Much more on this in the latest episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast (ep 192). Link in bio.

#peoplepleasing #recoveringpeoplepleaser #recoveringperfectionist #healthyboundaries #codependentnomore #shamefree #baggagereclaim #peoplepleaser #emotionalblackmail #boundaries #boundariesarehealthy #listentoyourself #trustyourintuition #intuitionquotes ...

natlue

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Jul 16

Open
Hands up if you sometimes dramatise things by carr Hands up if you sometimes dramatise things by carrying on as if a mistake, or saying no, or something not working out as planned will be the destruction of you? Right there with you. Sometimes after my busy mind has scared the crap out of me, I open the front door and discover that the apocalypse hasn’t happened. 😂 It’s good to check in with ourselves and get grounded because fear does a very good job of convincing us that we’re going to be savaged by life. And guess what? We’re still standing. The sky hasn’t fallen. We are OK. We get to try again. #baggagereclaim #fearquotes #impostersyndrome #recoveringperfectionist #perfectionist #perfectionism #mistakeshappen #anxietyquote #beyourself💯 #selfexpression #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #healthyboundaries #boundaries

Hands up if you sometimes dramatise things by carrying on as if a mistake, or saying no, or something not working out as planned will be the destruction of you? Right there with you. Sometimes after my busy mind has scared the crap out of me, I open the front door and discover that the apocalypse hasn’t happened. 😂

It’s good to check in with ourselves and get grounded because fear does a very good job of convincing us that we’re going to be savaged by life. And guess what? We’re still standing. The sky hasn’t fallen. We are OK. We get to try again.

#baggagereclaim #fearquotes #impostersyndrome #recoveringperfectionist #perfectionist #perfectionism #mistakeshappen #anxietyquote #beyourself💯 #selfexpression #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #healthyboundaries #boundaries ...

natlue

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Jul 15

Open
I used to seethe and steam about all the ways in w I used to seethe and steam about all the ways in which people were taking advantage of me and my good nature. How dare these people take liberties and cross my boundaries? But sure, how would they know what my boundaries were when I was the energiser bunny of people-pleasing and didn’t say no? Inside I may have been screaming no, but outwardly I was saying yes, smiling and pushing me way over my bandwidth. Yes, in theory, people should know not to take the piss and that what they’re doing is inconsiderate, a step too far, or so far over the line, it turned the line into a dot. But people know what our line and limit is when we communicate it. #healthyboundaries #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #baggagereclaim

I used to seethe and steam about all the ways in which people were taking advantage of me and my good nature. How dare these people take liberties and cross my boundaries? But sure, how would they know what my boundaries were when I was the energiser bunny of people-pleasing and didn’t say no? Inside I may have been screaming no, but outwardly I was saying yes, smiling and pushing me way over my bandwidth.

Yes, in theory, people should know not to take the piss and that what they’re doing is inconsiderate, a step too far, or so far over the line, it turned the line into a dot. But people know what our line and limit is when we communicate it.

#healthyboundaries #boundaries #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #baggagereclaim ...

natlue

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Jul 13

Open
I’m often asked what ‘being yourself’ means. I’m often asked what ‘being yourself’ means. It’s everything that we’d say, be and do if we took out all the ‘shoulds’ and stopped trying to be what we think others expect. So many of us wear the masks of people-pleasing and perfectionism because we think we’re for everyone else’s consumption. We behave like who we are is wrong and so we self-reject. What happens, though, when we stop the struggle that is trying to present ourselves as what we think others need and want? We experience self-acceptance. We get to exhale, embrace and enjoy. #baggagereclaim #selfacceptance #selfexpression #peoplepleasing #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #beingyourself #authenticself #listentoyourself #listentoyourintuition #corevalues

I’m often asked what ‘being yourself’ means. It’s everything that we’d say, be and do if we took out all the ‘shoulds’ and stopped trying to be what we think others expect. So many of us wear the masks of people-pleasing and perfectionism because we think we’re for everyone else’s consumption. We behave like who we are is wrong and so we self-reject.

What happens, though, when we stop the struggle that is trying to present ourselves as what we think others need and want? We experience self-acceptance. We get to exhale, embrace and enjoy.

#baggagereclaim #selfacceptance #selfexpression #peoplepleasing #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #beingyourself #authenticself #listentoyourself #listentoyourintuition #corevalues ...

natlue

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Jul 8

Open
There can be a part of us no matter how small, tha There can be a part of us no matter how small, that hopes that a person in our life who keeps hurting us will change. We want them to have a change of heart, to empathise, to recognise where they've erred and make amends. Instead, we end up being a party to their behaviour for much longer than we need to. Accepting this person for who they are is no bad thing because we get to respect what we know and respect ourselves *at the same time*. We get to be boundaried, and this means that we stop being open to being hurt and disappointed by this person in the same way that we have before. #healthyboundaries #thedisappointmentcycle #latherrinserepeat #selfforgiveness #respectyourself #acceptancequotes #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #boundariesarehealthy #boundariesarebeautiful #disappointmentquotes #datingquotes #relationshipquotes #estrangement

There can be a part of us no matter how small, that hopes that a person in our life who keeps hurting us will change. We want them to have a change of heart, to empathise, to recognise where they've erred and make amends. Instead, we end up being a party to their behaviour for much longer than we need to.

Accepting this person for who they are is no bad thing because we get to respect what we know and respect ourselves *at the same time*. We get to be boundaried, and this means that we stop being open to being hurt and disappointed by this person in the same way that we have before.

#healthyboundaries #thedisappointmentcycle #latherrinserepeat #selfforgiveness #respectyourself #acceptancequotes #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #peoplepleasers #boundariesarehealthy #boundariesarebeautiful #disappointmentquotes #datingquotes #relationshipquotes #estrangement ...

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