If you’ve ever tried to convince someone about you, you will be all too familiar with that feeling of becoming unconvinced about yourself. Seeking validation is the equivalent of being and doing things that say, ‘Please, tell me who I am. Tell me I’m worth it. Tell me that everything I say about myself is true. ’It only leads to pain because it just reaffirms feelings of low self-worth.
When you believe that you’re ‘not good enough’, you don’t think you’re deserving of the type of relationship you’d really like to be in or that the person will give love willingly. In turn, you seek validation and use relationships to hide your true feelings about yourself.
The joyful feelings of being liked or liking are often swiftly followed by the fear of losing it all. When people don’t live up to your expectations or things change, you stop feeling valuable and worthwhile. You feel invalidated by their not meeting your expectations.
The trouble with relying on external factors to feel good about yourself is that, done often enough, you feel dependent on it even though it only provides temporary relief and masks the real problem. You can’t catch self-worth; it’s something you cultivate within.
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