Part of processing the breakup of a painful relationship is talking about what the person did and didn’t do. It’s reminding ourselves of how much they hurt or disappointed us, lest we forget and get sucked into going back. We’re grieving the loss of our relationship.

Still, part of processing what’s happened and healing is acknowledging our truth. We entered into the unhealthy or unfulfilling relationship with less awareness and self-knowledge than we have now. We had different attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours, which meant we had blind spots in certain areas. Odds are, we got into the relationship for the wrong reasons, hidden intentions we might only be able to face now. It’s also possible that intensity meant that we staked ourselves to this person too quickly.

Recognising the journey we travelled to entering a painful relationship doesn’t absolve the other party of their part. However, by taking responsibility for how we want to feel and who we are and want to be, we have the option to choose differently in future and heal, grow and learn. That willingness to have an honest, compassionate conversation with ourselves opens us up to more love, care, trust, and respect.

The moment we let go of assumptions, unrealistic expectations and blame, we stop holding ourselves hostage to a crappy situation. If we’re no longer blaming ourselves, we don’t have to hurt in the same way. We also heal the past versions of us too.

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