Its not long after the words have been uttered that render your relationship over that some form of request for friendship will be made. Its almost as if we have all received some sort of relationship training that makes people the world over trot out the words as a form of consolation that hopefully dilutes the strained discussion and makes you look a little better person in their eyes. Its like â€œHey. I know Im done screwing with you, but what the hell? Lets be friends because Ill feel like less of a prick if you say yes.
Truth be told, most people don’t really mean it when they say that they want to stay friends. Its just the polite thing to say. Hell I’ve said it to almost all of my exes and lo and behold, I don’t keep in touch with any of them and I haven’t sought to add them as a friend on Facebook! Not only is it very difficult to go from holding hands to platonic friends, but you don’t do it as a follow-on from a break-up. In order to break up, there needs to be a BREAK. There needs to be distance and time to allow each person to heal and move on. This time cant be spent playing best mates with one of you acting like you feel less than you do.
The only people that can be friends after having a relationship are those that feel nothing romantically for each other, are no longer emotionally invested, and there has been a healthy distance between you to allow you both to move on.
Friendship after breaking up is not for those who are hoping that hell skip on round to their place and give them a bit of sex from time to time. Its not for those who are hoping that if they lurk around long enough that hell see how wonderful they are and what a mistake they made and beg on their hands and knees to be taken back. However the offer of ‘friendship’ is often put to bad uses, after all, friends aren’t supposed to harm you, are they?
Be careful when your man asks you to be friends after breaking up because for many of them, it is their way of massaging their ego so that they feel like less of a prick, and it also keeps their foot in your life.
By allowing him to peek into your life whilst he continues on with his, you don’t actually get the chance to move on and subconsciously your heart and mind will be shut off to other opportunities out there. Its a thin line between professed friendship and becoming their booty call, and once you slip down this slippery slope, its very difficult to crawl back up. They’re getting the fringe benefits without having to put in any relationship work and it harks back to – Why buy the cow when he can drink the milk for free?
These guys are like dogs in mangers – they don’t want you, but they don’t want anyone else to want you either. You’re like that toy that they’ve got bored with that they’ve put back in the toybox. As soon as someone comes along to play with it, you look like an attractive toy again and they start making noises about ‘Its my toy…’. Of course the attraction wears off and you get chucked back in the toybox again, except this time it hurts more than it did the last time. Real ‘friends’ don’t ask you for sex or come on to you so the moment that you hear him utter these words, let the internal alarm bells ring and make a run for it.
The type of guy who genuinely wants to be your friend despite the fact that your relationship is over, is the type that will respect your wish for space and no contact.
They are the crucial things that are needed after breaking up. Let ideally 6 months or a year go by and get on with your life and let him get on with his. You never know – time may pass and you may realise that you have nothing in common and no desire to reconnect or it could be the start of a good friendship where neither of you is emotionally invested. The point is that you get to choose what happens from a healthier place instead of being railroaded into something that makes their ego feel much better.