Is it too much to ask that people behave with a bit of common courtesy when it comes to ending a ending a relationship? There are two methods of communication for breaking up: speaking via telephone and face to face. Everything else, unless there are extenuating circumstances says 1) laziness, 2) coward, 3) bad dating karma. Whilst the words ‘cellphone’ /’mobile phone’ clearly have the word ‘phone’ in them, it doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to use them to text someone to tell them they’re dumped. As for email, what has it done for you lately other than make you lazy about communicating and providing an avenue for talking to strange people that you meet on online dating sites? And don’t even get me started on instant messaging!
Texts, emails and instant messaging are there for fun and convenience. They are informal, impersonal ways of communicating with people that actually make you lazy about actual communication. If you are in a bonafide relationship with someone, you’ve been dating for a while, you are actually a couple, even possibly live together and more – the very basic decent thing that you can do is have enough balls whether you actually have a pair of testicles or are a woman with proverbial ones, to finish it with them face to face or at least verbally over the phone. Are we too tight to spend the cost of a phonecall?
It is incredibly rude to break up with someone that you have considered yourself in a relationship with via these very impersonal mediums. I read the break up tales of several people and it is shocking how disposable we have come to regard people. I think the notion that there is a very large pool of dating supply to draw from is giving people the idea that they can dispense of relationships quickly and painlessly and move on to the next love interest. People want to avoid confrontation and they get to control the timing by effectively breaking up without the recipient being a part of it. It’s so passive aggressive that unless the recipient is very confrontational and forces the hand of the sender, it is likely that the they’ll be shocked into accepting it. Would you really want to have a break up discussion going back and forth over text, email or IM?
Oddly enough, despite many people communicating in this poor manner, I doubt that they would want to be on the receiving end of it, but I doubt they’re thinking about that when they press ‘send’ without another thought for the person.
If we keep on going like this, I think people will start breaking up by posting to their blog or sites like Myspace and Facebook. Video is quite popular on phones – will some people be braving the ‘face to face’ element and sending prerecorded messages or even breaking up via videocalling? Or why not just post it up on You Tube..I shudder at the thought!
Add to favorites
Wow – sadly I am one of those people! My first relationship – he lived in another country and I was a student in the states. Email was how we communicated. And instead of sucking it up and calling him, I sent him a “breakup” email…totally immature and harsh…he called me the next morning and we got into a fight…we still don’t talk…I was a total jerk…
I had an Internet relationship once..guy just stopped talking to me. Didn’t even send an email. When I finally confronted him about it, he told me he had gone back to his ex and didn’t want to deal with anything “confrontational”. How thoughtful! I hope someone does the same to him.
Yeah, this is so true. Now, if we could just stop doing this, just stop damnit, NOW!
Phone call is not acceptable if you are in a relationship that’s been going on for more than a couple of months and is sexual. If you’ve just gone out a few times and it hasn’t progressed, the phone is fine. Otherwise, face-to-face is the only way. Also, text or email is ok if you have tried face-to-face and the person won’t take no for an answer and is bothering you. This isn’t so much break-up as “leave me alone” but sometimes you need to put physical distance there.
I have choices today, thank God. Breaking up is a tough thing to do…I can do it by text, IM or email if I chose. How my behavior makes another personal feel is their issue not mine. When it comes to breaking up with someone, trust me, no matter how I do it, I have done the best I can do.
I had an Ex who dumped me via email while I was overseas. However instead of letting my fingers “do the typing” in a response email, I let my hands “do the slapping” when I returned home two months later!
well i suppose im a victim, and sfter the first time i blame myself, first time we “split” I had spent the night at her house, as was usually the case, seems i had some flatulance (unbeknownst to me), all i remember was her waking me up at 3 or so and telling me to go home and get some medicine, i left not too much later…this was on jan 24th, she didnt answer my calls or return my calls for the next 4 days (i was pretty much a basket case, pot pourri of all the usual emotions when someone does me this way) on day 5 she wanted me to come over…i said…nope…said she wanted me to do her taxes…I said bring em to my place and i did them, things rocked along for two weeks then presto, she began “loving” me again, had a good month….awesome if i recall, then march turned to april, april to may, same crap again, EXCEPT this time no flatulance, i saw an ad she did at myspace and match.com…I haven’t called her or returned her phone calls, she came over unannounced one everning and i did say this…”I will never again come to your house EVER”…..shes called a few times since, but we havent talked, i’m into day 8 now…did i do ok with “dumping” her?
Alan, it sounds like you have everything under control. I certainly would cut off all contact with her and get on with your own life. This woman is a user and is treating you like a yo-yo that she can toy with – she can’t just shove you back on the shelf or discard you when she feels like it. You’re a person with feelings. Good luck!
I got together with a guy who I knew for a while, after he broke up with his girlfriend, sometime after I realised that there was someone else, I asked him about it and he admitted to it. However, we kept seeing each other on and off after this. After not seeing him for 3 months, he started pursuing me again, but I realised that there was a noticeable difference about him. I asked him about it and he just told me that he didn’t know what I was talking about. He however, kept telling me how un-happy he was and that whenever he is with me he feels better. For the last two months he has been very sweet to me, and it made me start to wonder if I should really give this another try, but before I made my decision, I needed to know what his intentions were, and if there was anything there for me. When I asked him, he just gave me the run around and some really vague responses. He was at my house one night, and when I started talking to him and asking him about us, he told me that he was not in the frame of mind to answer. The next morning, I went to work and found that there was an email from him, stating that he cannot give me what I want and that he found out that his ex-girlfriend was pregnant couple of months after they broke up and has since given birth and that he chose not to tell me about it, because he knew that I would stop talking to him after. He went on further to promise that he would leave me alone from here on out. I told him that he was a coward, because he stood infront of me the night before and he couldn’t tell me, but preferred to do it via email.
I’m currently in an internet relationship, and I want to end it – I feel I ought to add, before I continue, we are both quite young, and don’t talk over the phone. We’ve been going out for 2 months, but due to exam revision, were both been online quite a lot during our relationship, so we know each other really well.
I want to get everything over with, and say everything in 1 clean email, I don’t want a continuous ‘break up’ conversation back and forth till I eventually give up (she’s quite persuasive and persistent.)
There are 2 problems with our relationship, and they are the reasons I want to end the relationship –
1. I’m great mates with my Ex-girlfriend; we dated for approx. 2 years, and broke up about 1 year ago. I’m still attracted to her, and the possibility of us getting back together is becoming more prominent over time. My internet girlfriend knows I was in this relationship, and how important it was to me.
2. I get on with my internet girlfriend, yet I don’t have any true romantic feelings towards her, well, none that would lead to any sort of long term commitments. I know that if I was to have met her in reality she would not be an ‘option on my list’. I’m quite an outgoing person, and even though were over the internet, she still isn’t very ‘personal’. If were not talking about something general, then I’m the one doing the flirting, if we were to continue our talking over the internet after a break up, nothing would really change. I’m definitely the dominant one in this relationship. The worst part is she takes the relationship extremely seriously.
– I hope I worded it correctly, and you al understand what I’m saying.
What should I say to end the relationship nicely? It appears people above have been in similar situations, how would they recommend I end the relationship.
Having read the comments on this entire site, I now recognize that my boyfriend is EU and emotionally abusive. We are going through our 7th breakup (or so) and have not seen each other for 10 days this time around. As has happened many times before when I try to tell him how I feel, he cuts me off in mid sentence and invalidates my feelings by laying all the blame on me and telling me and putting his thoughts and feelings center stage before I have a chance to complete my thoughts. The net effect is that he never hears what I have to say and the only way I can talk in complete sentences is when I send him an email. When I do, I guarantee he will rant and criticize me as angry and hateful, and then quickly tell me to pick up my belongings from his house. So in cases like mine it becomes necessary to say “Adios” by email.
This is so sad ..my ex dumped me via text massage…and i pretended to be okay with it and he was like “sorry i dont mean to be a bad person blah blah blah”. i was so pissed that he had the courage to text me ” i think we should go on our own separate ways” instead of just pressing the damn “call button” and telling it from his mouth!!…i hate those freaking guys..they are all the same!!.and the worst thing is he said i “could we be freinds? ” after 10 minutes of break up!!…hello ?!! i mean R U SERIOUS!!?!!….well i told him to piss off. lol what can i say its life, you see alot of crazy things. im just trying to learn from my mistakes.