Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. ~ William Congreve

After going through all the stages of grief, wallowing in self-pity, heartbreak, pain and disillusionment, naturally the first thing that pops to your head is revenge. The guy that you had all your hopes and dreams pinned on has shattered them into a million little pieces. You want him to feel the same pain you feel, all the hurt, all the torture and all the heartbreak. In your head you imagine that he has already moved on, and you drive by his house to check up on him. There is a piece of you that doesn’t want to let him go, and it’s that part that drives you to revenge.

There are some sure fire ways to get back at your ex, however, none of them are fool proof. You could have a roasting party ala Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale, igniting all his possessions into a beautiful bonfire and toasting marshmallows over the flames. However, this is a sure fire way to also get yourself sued for damage to property…and you might end up paying HIM out the nose the full cost of his crap.

You could physically try to beat the crap out of him, like Jennifer Lopez in Enough. The drawback here is that you might injure yourself in the process, kill him by accident (or on purpose if you are strong enough) and once again Go to Jail without passing Go or collecting $200.

Bear in mind that you going to prison is not going to help the situation any. Can you imagine pleading your case in court for ‘Temporary Insanity’ or any other possible reasons why you caused him physical pain? Courts these days are not even as lenient as you might think. Besides the aggravation of going to court, count the cost before you decide to enact on your revenge.

A quote that comes to my mind is “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” You could wait for a few weeks, a few months and then decide to take out your revenge, so that he doesn’t automatically suspect you. One of my friends had all his mail re-routed to the Statue of Liberty.

Through most of my break-ups, one of the best books that I read was by Alison James entitled, “I Used to Miss Him but Now my Aim is Improving.” It is a sassy, confidant book that helps you all through the break-up process and shows you ways to get your ego back. It’s not crazy for you to have thoughts of murdering your ex, and the author shows you through humorous ideas how to channel that energy and help you move on. She gives wonderful tips of revenge that aren’t liable to get you arrested or injured; you can learn how to make a voodoo doll of your ex, take a road trip cross country and leave his number in all the gay bars you come across and get in good with his mom and sister so that they will constantly remind him how great you are and how well you are doing.

He already has the upper hand by breaking up with you…your best revenge would be to live the rest of your life well, find a better man than he ever could be and keep believing in true love and romance.

FavoriteLoadingAdd to favorites