When we view a breakup through the lens of our untruths, we see the undesired outcome as proof of our unworthiness. So many of us mistakenly believe breakups and incompatibility are signs of failure. Of course, this affects how we show up for ourselves and within subsequent relationships.

When we compassionately investigate why we wanted someone so much and what was often this sense of feeling that we knew them almost instantly, we recognise that the interactions activated something from the past. We also see that as brilliant and amazing as the relationship might have felt at times, it was breaking us.

That thirst to be the victor, to right the wrongs of the past, to capture a feeling and try to make it last forever, can turn us into someone we don’t recognise. Sometimes, we might even struggle to function. These endeavours are all-consuming, which we mistake for love. We’re often willing to ignore problematic factors because we want the dream, the fantasy.

The relationship not working out might feel like abandonment that reminds us of our childhood. We might cling or even self-destruct for a time, but when we are ready, we begin to heal.

Our most painful relationships are often where we experience the most significant growths.

These people seem like soulmates, and we fight against it not working out, but we may have needed these relationships for entirely different reasons. As frustrating, painful and even downright inconvenient as it might be, that person’s job is often to wake us up to the truth about something. They show us something we couldn’t see before without having to interact within the relationship.

For more on authentic, loving relationships, check out my book Love, Care, Trust and Respect. Need help with unpacking and healing from the impact of childhood beliefs and habits? Check out my latest book, The Joy of Saying No.
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