“My boyfriend recently broke up with me, after we were together for two years, with first year not so serious. He wanted to be with me but I wasn’t as interested, but the second year we played house. I would go over there cook him dinner, clean, decorate (buy all of it).I was the perfect little housewife. We got along, or so I thought. We both told each other we loved one another and I thought everything was going well and this relationship was building.
He started to be weird and have doubts saying “We have nothing in common and how I never did anything for him”, when it was the complete opposite. Just because I did not want to go out and get wasted every night didn’t mean we had nothing in common. Things just seemed to go from bad to worse, like we were a old married couple. We fought a lot towards the end even though I still loved him and would do anything for him.
I went over to his house for dinner as usual and he was very quiet, and didn’t really talk to me. Then at the end of the meal he broke up with me. I left the house upset and he has not made contact since, with no reason to give to me. Now he suddenly has this new girlfriend. Was he with this girl while he was with me??? Word on the street is he was seeing her while he was dating me. What do I do?? He will not answer any of my calls or text me back…I want an explanation and definitely deserve one. I would not be so upset if I was given a reply. What happened? We were so happy and seemed to be getting comfortable…only for him to drop this on me. It came out of leftfield. I am confused, hurt and most importantly p*ssed off!!! I need advice before I go on the war path.”
NML says: OK first of all, I think that you need to step back and separate yourself from the recent break-up and ask yourself how you truly felt about this guy because it seems that for each year of the relationship, there has been an imbalance of interest from each party. If you weren’t that fussed about him the first year, how did you both end up playing house?
That said, for whatever reason, you did invest yourself more into the relationship from the second year and your ex seems to have done a total 360 on his feelings for you – or has he? Some men are about the thrill of the chase and when you don’t appear to be so interested, they will make all of the right noises. They will charm you, disarm, and stick to you like glue, and eventually, for a lot of the women who find themselves on the receiving end of this behaviour, you will be drawn in and ‘worn down’. You ended up succumbing although in hindsight, you’re probably wondering why.
When you switched into wifey mode, that was quite an about turn and I suspect that he went from chasing and desiring you, to taking it and you for granted. He suddenly had what he appeared to have wanted and then decided he was bored and that you weren’t right for him, you have nothing in common etc.
While you may have had some things in common, a woman who cooks and cleans for a guy in wifey mode will struggle to have much in common with a guy that wants to party every night and get wasted. You may have been happy about certain things but from what I have read, there were things that were clearly wrong in the relationship if you were fighting so much like ‘an old married couple’. It doesn’t sound like either one of you were ‘happy’ or ‘comfortable’.
While you deserve an explanation on a number of levels, I wouldn’t hold your breath for one. I would be very careful of blazing in there for an explanation or an argument. If he is not returning your calls and texts, it’s likely that he won’t have anything good to say and you have to ask yourself what you stand to gain by having this conversation with him? If you really want to move on, cut contact and wash your hands of him because there is no explanation good enough for why he is cheating and I doubt that there is anything that he is going to say that will suddenly make you feel OK. If you confront him, he will write you off as a ‘psycho’ (which you aren’t) and think he is totally right to behave as he has. You sound like you are well shot of him and if I was you, I’d focus on yourself, give yourself time to get over the break up, and move on. And next time make sure that you are very interested when you date a guy because when you’re not, it tends to end in tears. There is nothing about what he has done that you can’t understand from his actions. What can he say? He sounds like quite a chump.