Guilt is that sense you have of having committed a wrongdoing.
Now, as feelings aren’t facts, feeling you’ve done something wrong isn’t the same as actually having done something wrong. Never is this more clear when you notice you are feeling guilty for:
Breathing
Having needs
Having feelings
Being unique and different
Having boundaries
One of the fastest ways of ensuring you haven’t got two self-esteem beans to rub together is to keep telling yourself that it’s wrong for you to take up space in the world. You will put everyone else’s needs, expectations, desires, feelings, beliefs, and opinions ahead of your own (yes, that’s people pleasing and codependency) and end up lost.
Each time you apologise for being yourself; each time you apologise for, backtrack on, or in fact hold back on your boundaries, you’re saying that you don’t matter and that having needs, etc., knowing your line, and being you is wrong and in fact selfish. None of these are wrong or bad. It’s crucial to distinguish between knowing your line and selfishness.
If you’re going to feel guilty for something, feel guilty for not having boundaries. That’s the real wrongdoing, but at least you can do something about this by looking after yourself. Trying to pretend that you’re okay with stuff that you aren’t just ensures unhappiness and frustration.
Your guilt isn’t a sign you’re doing something ‘wrong’ or ‘selfish’; it’s a sign that having boundaries and taking care of yourself in this context is so unfamiliar, your body reads it as a threat. Your guilt about being and taking care of yourself, then, is a sign that you need to create healthier boundaries. Stop doing you wrong.
Building your self-esteem doesn’t have to be hard. Discover how just minutes a day with ‘100 Days of Baggage Reclaim’ can bring impactful mindset shifts, practical tips, and transformative tools.
I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.
Copyright Natalie Lue 2005-2024, All rights reserved. Written and express permission along with credit is needed to reproduce and distribute excerpts or entire pieces of my work.
Manage Cookie Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behaviour or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.