When you’re confronted with somebody who is your ex and they are trying to be your friend, and by friend, I use that term loosely, whether it’s actually a sub code for keeping their foot in your life or trying to basically get all the fringe benefits of the relationship without actually having to do the work that comes along with that, it’s really important to make sure that you don’t basically marginalise yourself and get demoted.

There are a lot of people that I hear from that used to be the girlfriend or the boyfriend, and now they are the booty call. Why? Because they decided that they really, really wanted to keep this person in their life because ‘We were such good friends. We had such a good relationship‘. And so by trying to keep somebody in your life who actually probably doesn’t have enough love, care, trust, and respect for you, you’ve ended up in this pseudo-friendship where you’re breaking them off a piece of sex from time to time.

You’re allowing them to step up in your life and get in the way of you actually moving on.

Somebody who is doesn’t make a great boyfriend or girlfriend is unlikely to make a great friend. There are exceptions to this, and that is where there probably was friendship in the first place. Or where you realised actually that you were better off as friends. But if you broke up because the person was an asshole, they’d be an asshole as a friend, too. Don’t go there.

Make sure you know the difference between friends and really not-such-a-great friend. Don’t allow yourself to be played down by anybody. Don’t allow people to take advantage and creep in and take from you what under ordinary circumstances you would only do if you were in a bonafide committed relationship.

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