Boundaries are the often invisible and much-needed lines between us and others. They communicate our comfort levels and how we feel about ourselves. People know we value love, care, trust and respect when we have healthy boundaries. Conversely, if we’re afraid of creating healthy boundaries, we communicate that our priority is being liked at all costs. This can leave us open to being taken advantage of or even abused.
When we avoid boundaries, we also consciously and unconsciously do things with a hidden agenda. We don’t have the healthy boundaries to represent ourselves authentically in our relationships. This includes communicating our needs and how we feel.
When we allow ourselves to create healthier boundaries, we communicate what does and doesn’t feel good, right and comfortable to ourselves and others. Boundaries let us know our line and our limit. They’re for ourselves first and foremost and a very accessible form of self-care.
To fear having boundaries is to fear being ourselves. We are the embodiment of our boundaries.
Our boundaries express our self-esteem, our connection to our values, and our availability for intimacy. They depend on us being able to distinguish our emotions, thoughts, bodies and actions from those of others so that we meet our needs healthily.
Much like how we only learn to trust by trusting and learning from where it does and doesn’t work out, boundaries are a muscle — the more you strive to have healthy boundaries, the stronger you get at having them and the more you realise that who people are is about them, not you. Ultimately, healthy boundaries mean a healthier you. You know who you are and your responsibilities—and that’s always a good thing.
For more help with boundaries and saying yes and no more authentically, check out my latest book, The Joy of Saying No.
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