Podcast Ep. 255: Sharing Core ‘Directional’ Values Matters for Compatibility

Since I talked about ‘directional’ values in episode 209, The Compatibility Factor, I’ve received lots of requests to dive deeper into this topic. And it makes sense because, as I explain in this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, if we don’t share core values, both in terms of shared character and direction, we will experience incompatibility and we won’t be able to meet our emotional needs.

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5 key topics in this episode

• If someone doesn’t have the character to follow through on what they say matters, the relationship will flounder. If we share similar character values with somebody but they want different things, again, it’s not going to work. And if we invest our bandwidth into someone or something that takes us out of alignment with our values, we are going to expeirence the side effects of that problem in our well-being.
• Humans trust other humans with whom they share core values. If you’ve distrusted someone (or vice versa) and not understood why given that you (or they) didn’t appear to be doing anything ‘wrong’, it was underlying recognition of a fundamental difference in core values.
• It’s critical to check in with our values and make sure we’re operating from preference not programming. This is especially so if we have a lot of tension, friction and resentment in our relationships despite doing things in a way that we believe matches our values.
• Too big a values difference becomes tension that leads to incompatibility. This is especially if it impinges on what you each view as a satisying relationship. Ultimately, if we ignore a core values difference, we will compromise ourselves.
• The degree to which we intimately share our lives with someone or invest our bandwidth in something will dictate how much a directional values matter in that context.

Links mentioned + recommended resources

• The Compatibility Factor (ep 209)
• Personality isn’t the same as character (ep 33)
• There’s a difference between personality and character
• This is why that connection isn’t shorthand for “I know you”
• Following Through On Intentions & Words With Action (ep 186)
• But we have so much in common!
• Check in with you when being around your family stresses you out
• Let’s Talk About Family Estrangement (ep 204)
• Friendship Means Different Things To Different People (ep 106)
• Expectations and Friendship (“A friend should…..”) (ep 108)
• Conflict In Friendships: It doesn’t have to spell the end (ep 116)
• Have I Outgrown My Friendship? (ep 114)
• What’s Your Money Story? (ep 34)
• We’re Allowed To Have Work Boundaries (ep 220)
• Are Your Desires (& Pressure) Programming Or Preference? (ep 144)
• ‘Getting Along’ Plus Compatibility Equals Intimate, Loving Relationships
• Break The Cycle online course

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