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In the world of dating, everybody has standards even if they won’t admit it. The only thing is that there is a major disparity between the type of standards that you should have and how much. It seems to be one extreme to another – either too little or too much.

Having standards is not about having a criteria list for you to mark potential mates against and it’s not about the superficial. Standards are there to allow you to ensure that there are basic needs that are met by partners and that you have clearly defined behaviours that are unacceptable if someone wants to be with you. These are the standards that you should not be rolling over to throw out the window the moment that you have an orgasm or are feeling a little insecure.

Basic criteria should mean that a partner should behave in a caring, honest, trustworthy manner. They should have values and be capable of behaving like a decent human being, not just for other people, but for you. Trust is something that is earned, not doled out to every guy that makes an effort to go out on a date or sleep between the sheets. This means that if he can’t behave in the basic ways that enable him to earn your trust, such as calling when he says he will, being emotionally available, being faithful, being unattached to someone else, treating you with respect and behaving with integrity, then he shouldn’t be trusted and he is below standard.

If he actually fulfills basic, non-superficial, standards but further down the road exhibits characteristics and behaviours that are unacceptable, this needs to be addressed. It is not to be ignored and you don’t decide to adjust your mental yardstick to accommodate his behaviour because I can guarantee that once you start letting these types of standards slip, it’s like declaring open season on yourself.

The type of standards that should be put on the back burner consist of the very clearly superficial -short hair, long hair, big dick, extra big dick, six pack, fat wallet, short, tall, watches romantic comedies, likes red wine and art galleries, only wears designer clothes and much more. These aren’t standards in the grander scheme of things because they don’t matter one bit if the person with these ‘wonderful’ things behaves like someone unworthy of your time.

I’m not suggesting that you only go after people that you’re not attracted to but remember that we’re often attracted to and desire what’s bad for us. If you keep chasing the same type and getting sh*t results, it’s a very loud wake up call that something is clearly screwed up and that you’re focusing on the wrong things. Be open minded and less rigid about ‘type’ and be wary of looking for instant results where cymbals clash and the heavens open because the attraction is so strong. Get to know someone and their values and see whether they tick the right ‘standards’ boxes and you’d be surprised at how strong the attraction is. And how much it grows.

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