A recruiter is someone whose job is to match qualified candidates with suitable open positions at organisations. If they put any ole candidate forward for the role, they do everyone a disservice (and damage their reputation), so they have to be discerning.
Having what I call a ‘recruiter mindset’ while dating saves you a lot of headache. This is especially so when a level of the ‘weeding’ often begins online. Those initial interactions matter. What you do or don’t do in the early stages of dating (stages 0-1) impacts relationship outcomes. Code amber and red alerts you ignore, dismiss or override in the early stages of dating comes back to bite. Those issues become incompatibility.
While you cannot tell if someone is The One from the get-go, you can, at the very least, pay attention to who even meets the threshold of being suitable for a first date (and subsequent ones). Not everyone is a ‘qualified candidate’ for a relationship with you. They’re not! If ‘everyone’ is a possibility (or it doesn’t take much), that screams lack of discernment. Dating is a discovery phase, so your due diligence matters.
Own what you’re looking for relationship wise on your dating profile. For instance, if you’re only interested in people who are looking for a serious relationship, say so. Often people say they’re looking for a mix of things and get a mix of people. It pays to be specific. What you make clear about yourself helps to qualify who’s an initial fit. Even though you might get fewer respondents, you are more likely to weed out people who are just looking to get laid or clock up dating numbers. You notice the heavyweight bullshitters. And if you still find yourself with any of the latter, you can let them go instead of betting on potential or burying your head in the sand.
Having a recruiter mindset while dating requires you to own what you want. Learn from each experience of chatting online or going on dates so you can refine your process. Notice your dating blind spots. Become more attuned to what you need to gauge in those initial interactions. With a recruiter mindset, you won’t solely focus on superficial qualities. Instead, you will also notice what your interactions indicate about their values – how they operate and what they’re about.
Increased awareness of what you need, desire, expect, feel and think – your values and boundaries – means you’ve already done the work in getting clear on what you’re looking for. You can say no with confidence to continuing with someone who isn’t a fit so that you’re available for the person and relationship that is.
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