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Effie, I need you to tell this story in an entirely different way: Six months ago, you were introduced via a dating site to this man who you still do not know from Adam. He sent you a picture of his pecker and you took that to be a declaration of how much attraction he felt for you, as if people only send pictures of their genitals because of how much they feel for somebody. On some level you’ve had some misgivings about exchanging sexy messages or in fact any messages with this man but have played along because you think that this is what dating in 2016 is like. This has continued for six months and you have assumed that the reason it’s continuing is because you have a connection and are building up to being together, but instead he has told you that your feelings aren’t reciprocated plus a bit of detective work has revealed that he has a girlfriend. It means that he’s bad news and to stop being used.
The truth is, you knew that this situation smelt more than a little funky but you doubted you and it’s also allowed you to delay on having to show up for a real relationship. We accept so much less when we are grappling with feelings of loneliness but also when there is a part of us that is afraid of having to fully put ourselves out there.
He has reaped the benefits of you being that dangerous cocktail of being too nice, naive and non-confrontational.
If you met someone tomorrow and you chatted to them for let’s say 10 minutes and exchanged, oh I don’t know, 750-1000 words, would you think it was strange if the next thing that came out of their mouth was an invitation to look at their privates or a request to look at yours. You’d probably think it was even stranger if you had that conversation, went to the bathroom and came back to find them with their pants down. Why do you think that this is even remotely okay with someone you haven’t even met in real life? If the expectation is to exchange sexy photos early on in the proceedings, what do you do a month or few in?
Sex is not an automatic precursor to being in a fully-fledged relationship. Neither is exchanging sexy photos. You don’t have to want or be in a mutually fulfilling loving relationship to do these things but if you only do these things as part of that, then you don’t share that part of you when it’s not.
You’re not being prudish or judgemental. You have agency over your body and what you do with it. If someone tells you to jump off a bridge, would you? No. Well just because somebody sends you a nude shot doesn’t mean that you’re obliged to send the same.
The truth is, if you live less than 30 minutes away and have been texting/emailing for a few weeks never mind six months, something isn’t right.
Someone who is interested in you, male or female, doesn’t spend six months sexting with you and dodging meeting up.
When someone is interested in you and for the right reasons, they make good on those intentions instead of languishing with you in an ambiguous state where they get to get their rocks off without having to pony up any real effort. They won’t put you in the position of demeaning you in any way or accentuating a state of confusion.
Hard as it may be to admit, you knew that he had a girlfriend or at the very least, that he wasn’t available. When you think about what pretending that you didn’t already know what you know afforded you, you will see that pretending that more was going on than in reality, protected you from having to show up in real life.
You ask why you’re the sideline chick and it’s because you participated. It’s not because it’s who you are or because you’re not worthy of being better but because you didn’t tell him to take a run and jump earlier in the proceedings. You asked little questions.
Telling someone how you feel after sexting with them for a few months is like closing the door after the horse has bolted.
He is talking poor foolishness saying that he thought it was clear that it was just fun. No, it was clear that he was using you and is now trying to call it “fun”.
You haven’t made one false move and made an available guy into this guy. He’s who he was at the start, middle and end. You didn’t have the wherewithal to understand who he was and draw your line. You do now.
This is an involvement that never got past stage 0. This is a fantasy involvement. Use this experience as a wake-up call to look into what it is that has you afraid of intimacy. When you can deal with your past hurts, you will not be prepared to accept crumbs and call them a loaf.
And cut him off, fast. You are not his plaything. You are not an option.
Have you been involved in an ambiguous email/text situation where you felt as if you were forging a relationship or even in one, only to find that they didn’t feel the same way? What would you advise Effie to do here?
Each Wednesday, I help a reader to solve a dilemma. To submit a question, please email advicewednesdayAT baggagereclaim.com. If you would prefer your question to be featured on the podcast, drop a line to podcast AT baggagereclaim.com. Keep questions below 200 words.
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Cover the damn keyboard and everything else! The guy I did this with for way too long is still married (don’t believe “separated” as anything other than BS!)-and we still haven’t met. Consider yourself fortunate that you don’t actually need to run, you just need to forget his existence.
Oh god Effie…run like hell. Ive been in a similar situation and i allowed it to continue for years before realising that this person just is not interested. He lived a plane ride away and i would fly to him only to have him come up with an excuse for not seeing me or he would show late at nite sleep with me then leave first thing in morning. He messaged every single day for years but never phone or video call. He never asked for sexy pics but stupidly i would send them thinking it would keep his interest. I cant believe i was so stupid!!! Hes obviously married or with someone but its only now that the contact has lessened that i can see it for what it is…..nothing, he used me good and proper. Just be glad you only wasted six months and not the 4 years i did.
Effie, if you do communicate with this horse’s ass again, tell him you want his girlfriend’s number and e-mail.
That’ll get rid of him.
So funny you should say that, Karen. I recently contacted some old friends that I’d lost over the years. One couple, I found the guy (I didn’t even know if they were still together) and emailed him. He immediately wrote back, with a cc to his wife to include her in the conversation, and her email address for me to write to her myself. We’d been such great friends 30 years ago, and I was at their wedding, so it was really nice to catch up, and to know they were happy.
The other guy was really evasive. I’d actually been in a weird relationship with him (I wouldn’t call it dating), when he met this other woman who was also a friend of mine. She told me they’d started seeing each other, and asked if I was okay about that. I was. So, thirty years later, I wasn’t sure if they were still together, and he didn’t say. I said to give her my love and best regards, but he never said she said hello or anything.
We exchanged emails for a while, but still no mention of whether they were still together, so I had to ask outright. He kept putting out hooks like, “I’ve never been good at relationships, born out by the fact that I’ve never remarried or had children.” And then, when I finally got out of him that they were still together (after 30 years – which seems like a rather long-term relationship to me), I got, “We’re having some problems that may be terminal for the relationship.”
And guess what? I didn’t take the bait!!! Just a couple of years ago, I would have jumped at it, but to be informed about Mr Unavailable’s behaviour is to be armed and ready. Knowledge is power (that was our school motto). Anyway, a few emails later, I just said – “Does (name) have her own email address? I’d love to say hello to her too.” I haven’t heard from him since – and that was a while ago, so I’m not holding my breath. It made me laugh that he was so predictable – and this was a man I used to cry buckets over. It was a wonderful validation of my own growth, and also that I hadn’t been missing anything in regards to him. He hadn’t changed a bit!
@Cindy, and this tells you everything you need to know about people’s integrity and desire to avoid drama. The first guy immediately includes his wife in the email list. Which is a nice thing to do since you knew both of them back in the day.
The other guy behaves like he’s single never mentioning his partner, downplaying his 30 year relationship, and then disappearing when you mention wanting to be in touch with her. Its almost like the second guy only wanted contact with you if it could be ambiguous and, he was only interested so long as he was somehow exerting control over both you and his partner; you’re both in the dark, he has all the cards and his dark mysterious self is always looking to be inauthentic.
Haha! You’re so right about both guys, Suki. One is now a Facebook friend so I can see photos of their children, and they phoned me together long-distance to say hello and catch up, which was lovely.
And the other has disappeared into his miserable, narcissistic life of self-pity and drama. The only reason I contacted him, really, was to heal some old wounds around my past. When I saw what an idiot he was, I remembered that he always was, but I was too needy and codependent to acknowledge it. I think he thought he was going to get some sympathy and narcissistic supply from me, and I didn’t deliver. Yay! I think I’m healing… 😀 Thanks for the feedback, Suki, it really helped.
Effie – where you went wrong was to have any contact whatsoever after he sent you the naked pic. He’d have been arrested if that had happened in real life! If you have misgivings about doing something, quite simply – DON’T DO IT! Trust your instincts and your values, and if something feels “off” then it probably is.
I’ve been in a similar situation, only I have actually been seeing the guy. At first he told me he was a widower with a 6 year old son, which of course created lots of sympathy and somehow automatically credit for him. Our relationship had been based on lots of texts and quick, intense meetings. He was often using his son as an excuse to pull out of a meeting last minute and I couldn’t say anything about that. After a few weeks he slipped and said something about his wife that indicated she wasn’t dead! When I confronted him, he said that they are divorced and she is a drug addict hence why he told me that she is dead, because she is dead to him and he has full custody over his son. That has also become an excuse why I cannot meet his son to make things easier for us, he was explaining to me that the boy has such a bad experience with his mum, that he doesn’t know how to introduce another woman to him without creating a trauma. He kept telling me I had to be patient, but in the meantime I was having a ‘relationship’ based on text msgs, one lunch and one quick sex a week. I started digging. It didn’t take long for me to find out that he was still very much married and living with the wife who didn’t seem to be a drug addict at all. On the other note it took me lots of therapy sessions to get over it but it still bugs me that he could lie so horribly to me and that I was so naive and believed every word he was saying. In my opinion Effie, you need to just write him off and try to see the positives, because you haven’t actually met the guy you are talking about, you haven’t become that much attached to him. I wish that you get over it soon and find someone emotionally available and honest. Best of luck!
Yep. It’s called being a diversion.
I am all for sexual pleasure, but I think I am becoming more prudish as I get older.….why is everyone so OK with displaying their all?
To any requests for “sexts” from me, I tell them they can go find their porn on the Internet. The only person who will get sexts from me will be the man who put a ring on it.
Your last line should become a t-shirt, I’d buy it.
Effie,
This is very common with texting and online dating. When I get asked this, I say, “you’ve seen one set, you’ve seen them all. Some are big, smaller, higher or lower”
Discover your own boundaries of what feels safe and fun. Keep the focus on yourself and discover what qualities you want in a partner. Something more tangible than, he texts every day, he spends the night once a week, he has a good job or nice car. If you’re settling for less than what you want, why do you think YOU deserve less? This was a hard truth I had to learn. We teach people how to treat us. I’ve accepted dating to be a sorting process and there will always be people who are looking for attention, distraction from their real life, affection, a lay, or an ego stroke.
Yea unfunately there a lot of men on dating sites like this your talking to them then next message it!!! Pops up!! Lol i just block straight away if that happens now and these are men in there 50’s!! there is a lot of liars too pretending to be single and they are not i used to be so gullible but not any more.i have not met any that really want a relationship like they say they want, sex as soon as possible no commitment more like, so in future am going to take it really slow get to know them get past there charm and see what there really like before i get involved emotionaly ive been burned badly hopefully i won’t again.
Wow! This right here is one of the most distressing lines I have ever read: “I haven’t been involved with many guys and from what I hear, this is what people have to do now so even though I had my reservations, I sent him photos of myself.” You do not have to do things you don’t want to to get a date. This is not how things “have” to be done in 2016. I don’t know how old you are but clearly you lack reliable information. Whoever said that you needed to do this to get in “the game” is very, very wrong and if it is someone close to you I would advise you cut them out of your life because they do not have your best interest at heart. It’s perfectly ok not to have experience in love. We all start somewhere. But your lack of experience is all the more reason to educate yourself on the right way to do things so that you forge healthy relationships with people (you being on this site is a good step though). The online world is tricky and treacherous. Personally, I’ve never wanted to use it. I’ve met all my boyfriends in the real world all my life (it still happens). I’m 29 years old and I refuse to let the online world change my dating habits. I refuse to play the game. If I’m interested I go for it. If it doesn’t work out or if the guy/girl prefers to play the game well too bad, they can play it with someone else. The thing is, there is no rules. If you are not comfortable with a situation it’s ok to move on. This guy does not care about you. He is using you as masturbating material. He is a horrible person both to you, to potential other women with whom he has exhibited this behaviour (no, you’re probably not the only one) and especially to his girlfriend who most likely has no idea her man is a total creep. When you finally end things (for your own good, sanity and well being), I’m sorry to say but he will not care. However, YOU will have the proof that you cared enough for yourself to finally put an end to this joke. You can meet decent men online and you can meet men in the real world. Men with whom you will have real connections. Men who will want to have you in their life. Men who will respect you and accept your boundaries. But first, you have to establish these boundaries and understand what works for you and not let people tell you that “nowadays you have to show a little skin if you want to get a date”……..because you absolutely don’t have to!
I tried online dating for a bit 2 years ago. The last time I dated there was no online. Only the phone line and we made good use of that!
This time you are expect to put your age in. When i meet someone in person i look about 15 years younger than I am. So the only takers I got were these old guys in grubby sleeveless t-shirts. Not for me.
Finally I got a guy who had a dog with him in the picture, a retired criminal lawyer. The weather that year was so bad and we emailed from the end of January to mid March or so. I used it to get an idea of what this stuff was all about. I proposed a good range of topics. I mentioned once that it would be good to meet in person. He decided not to carry the ball.
Instead I found out how he tried to manipulate me into begging to meet him. The scary, bad x wife, who of course he still carried a torch for. HA. Then it was the specialty grocery with a certain brand of coffee that was near where I lived. Of course he would go there but not suggest we meet. Well, me neither! Of course, I played the game a little with mild enticements but not begging to meet up.
This was helpful to me to find out about people like this and what their train of thought was. It was so much easier umpteen years ago. You met someone at the dance. He called, you dated, and it was yes, or no and not all this game playing stuff!
There was phone sex of course. I might have tried a low level version once and if no personal meet up occurred. I was out of there. Thanks, for letting me go down memory lane. I’m sticking to the real world for now.
Mistea1, those people who want you to beg remind me of one of my dogs, who would never bring back the ball. She wanted me, and my other dog, to chase her. Chase me, chase me, she’d call, ears flapping as she ran in the opposite direction. She was one cute game-player. In a man, it’s not so cute! I’m out of there too, when they start with that crap…
Oops, the first nice day in Spring I was out of there. I told him I had other things to do. He was polite and replied back about not emailing any more.
I’ve had the same thing happen. I don’t get why so many men who are in the market for ‘masturbating material’ (C.B.’s phrase above) use paid dating sites instead of free porn sites. Or why so many men who really aren’t in relationships want to sext but not hook up. I try not to think too much about whatever they’re thinking, but they’re ubiquitous! They must have some success, or their behaviour wouldn’t be so pervasive!
I can tell you EXACTLY why grown men are doing this.
Street cred.
These guys either have friends or without friends, will whip your naked photo out nonchalantly at a bar, and pretend that your photo just happened to be up on their phone. Then, they will lie like a rug, detailing all of their sex fantasies that they “claimed” that they did you YOU (when, of course, you never actually met, but the guys he is showing the photo to will never ever know or confirm this).
I have seen guys like this and it is always amazing. They are still in grade school with a Playboy centerfold, same thing.
Only today, photos have the real faces and phone numbers of their victims, and they use them to the hilt.
It is better to err on the side of caution, even with a boyfriend, apparently.
Yes, Adele, even boyfriends… The daughter of a woman I know had her photo spread all over the internet by her boyfriend at school. She was in her senior year, and the stress made her schoolwork suffer. She was so humiliated (everyone at school saw it). Her Mum sent her to have therapy, to learn about boundaries and build her self-esteem so she wouldn’t be a people pleaser (like her Mum, who also needed therapy, but, oh well…).
My advice to anyone is to not put on the internet anything you wouldn’t be okay about the entire world seeing and commenting on. Once it’s on someone’s phone, it no longer belongs to you. That includes photos of your children.
The thing I hate most about Facebook is the Share button. Even if I share my pics with Friends Only, they can still share with others, download, copy, etc. My status remarks can also be shared, and I hate that…
Bahahahahaha!!!! OMG, I can’t stop laughing!!!
I met a guy online, who I think might be the same guy Effie met. He started phoning me, and wanted to send me some modelling photos of himself in the nude. I said I didn’t want them and not to send them, but he emailed them anyway. I deleted the email without even opening the pics, and I told him off for that. I most certainly didn’t send him nude photos of *myself* – over the internet, through the mail, or by carrier pigeon… There is a certain level of naivety that still surprises me, and I’m not easily surprised.
Extensive text/WhatsApp/Facebook messenger, etc communication is now my huge red flag for a guy who is only interested in sex and/or an ego boost.
Effie, if it’s any consolation, I got tricked this way on two occasions, by men who I actually knew in person.
Each guy had supposedly been my “friend” for a while before. I met both these guys through a shared sports hobby) for a year or two before they decided to start sending me flirty messages, which quickly became more sexual than I was comfortable with.
As I knew each guy personally (the thing with each guy was a year and a half apart)- I idiotically mistook the horny texting for genuine interest. In my naive brain I was thinking “why would you risk doing this with a friend and risk ruining a friendship, if you weren’t genuinely interested?”.
I wrote the first guy off as an arsehole and just bad luck, when he cooled off immediately after sleeping with me and had clearly been intending to have me join his harem of ex flings and reserve f*cks.
I really should have learned. A year and a half later, when a guy who I was actually far better friends with than the first guy, started sending me flirty messages that turned sexual, I went with it.
Why the hell would I do this after getting burned this way before? The second guy was almost the opposite of the first guy in teems of personality. This guy was quiet, reserved and –dare I say– slightly geeky. I simply didn’t think he had it in him to be arsehole and treat me poorly. BOY, was I wrong.
This guy surpassed the other guy in his ability to use me. He and I Facebook messaged each other for a month, with him making the messages more and more sexual. We then slept together and immediately afterwards it emerges that he’s started a proper relationship with another woman from our sports club.
I have no idea what the thing with me was about. One last variety fuck, now that he had found someone to settle down with?
Anyway, my double stupidly aside, this crap made me realise that men who are genuinely interested:
1) Don’t jump straight to sex talk
and
2) Don’t keep all the communication via text
I think both my supposed male *friends* who did this to me were simply bored on the days that they decided to send a flirty text. It was pure fishing. Anyone with a proper interest won’t express it to you via a half-arsed Facebook message or text.
The next guy that tries this with me will get told, in no uncertain terms, to sod off.
E, you say you don’t know what this thing with you was about, with the second guy, but you don’t know how many women he was sending those messages to before one took the bait. He may have wanted to sow his wild oats before settling down, and maybe you weren’t the only one. Either way, he doesn’t sound like the sort of guy I’d want to be in a relationship with. Hopefully you’ve learned from this and won’t let it happen again, remembering that people can only treat us how we allow them to treat us (unless we’re tied up hostages).
I’ve done it too, thinking it was flattering, even though it felt like my boundaries had been stormed. I know that, for me, it was a lack of self-esteem that allowed it to go on, instead of telling him to bugger off…
Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling a bit this week, so I thought I might post. My ex is a MM whom I unfortunatley work with. He spent 6 months seducing me, and like I many of the stories above and told me he wanted be with me, I just needed to be patient. I tried, but when I called him out on his shady behaviour, he suddenly did a 180 and said he loves his wife and I was mistaken. He only thought of me as a good friend!
I broke down and he treated me with utter disdain and still does. I stayed away, and haven’t seen or talked to him for two years (but for the odd passing in the hallway, no eye contact). I saw him last week in the elevator. It was just the two of us and he was so cold and silent, staring at his phone. So mean that it shocked me.
I never did anything to this man other than break down and tell him I loved him when he said he was staying with his wife. But he led me on for 6 months. I think my reaction was fairly normal. I get that his coldness is him just trying to tell me they are still together and still happy, so stay away. But it is so unnecessary. It’s not like I’m hitting on him, just trying be civil in an elevator. I have already had so much pain to deal with in the last two years, but he will never apologize and now it’s clear he doesn’t even want to be kind in a basic way.
Is this normal??
I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but it is SO painful. I am looking for a new job.
If he was screwing you (possibly others) how “happy” is his relationship really? None of your business actually. We often get sucked into people’s narratives about themselves (spouse is terrible, I stay for the kids etc) and when that delusion bubble bursts we start building a counter narrative of what a wonderful perfect happy carefree life they have. Neither of those are true.
It’s not normal for healthy decent respectful people and nobody deserves to feel tormented in their work place.Good you are looking for a new job. Please focus on you and take extra loving care of yourself.
Not to defend his actions toward you but nothing he can say would probably help you feel better because his actions are going to be to stay with his wife for whatever reasons. He can’t take back what he said or did even if he regrets it or doesn’t (not that many would admit it mind you). He might feel any level of kindness or interaction is leading you on further.
If you start thinking about him you should kindly remind yourself you wouldn’t want to be with a man who treats anyone let alone you like that. Don’t give him anymore of your precious time ,energy, or feelings than you already have.
Thank you so much for your response @G.G.S. I particularly like the part that says, “We often get sucked into people’s narratives about themselves (spouse is terrible, I stay for the kids etc) and when that delusion bubble bursts we start building a counter narrative of what a wonderful perfect happy carefree life they have. Neither of those are true.” .. so true!!
Anyways, came to work this morning and saw him again in the hallway and I just walked past and ignored him. I’m not trying to be mean, I just want to keep moving forward and move away from this man. I spent so much time on the weekend feeling sad and down on myself for what I “did wrong” in the relationship, it’s just not how I want to spend my time. I really appreciate the supportive words! I also emailed a potential employer where I’ve heard of a vacancy, so taking steps to get on with my life. One step at a time again after this set back.
My guess would be either:
a) He’s projecting his guilt about cheating on his wife onto you: if you’re the evil temptress who made him cheat, then that makes him feel less guilt about his own part in the affair
or
b) He’s still really tempted but committed to his wife and the only way he thinks that he can guarantee not getting involved with you again is if he doesn’t even talk to you.
I’ve been a cheater and an awful lot of advice on the web tells you that if you’re serious about ending an affair then no communication, ever again, with your affair partner is the only way that you’ll be able to keep the affair in the past and recommit to your spouse/partner.
Both these reasons are entirely about him, so as hard and painful as it is, I would urge you not to take it personally.
I’d also look on it as a blessing. I’ve been mucked around by the same married man for 6 years, off and on. If he’d just cut me off, like yours has done, there would be no opportunity for “what if” thinking and I could move on my life.
(NB: For anyone confused by my post history – Yes, I am both an unavailable cheater in my primary relationship and someone who chases unavailable men to cheat with! Reading BR is helping me to sort my life out! )
Thanks @E. I definitely think it is a combo of #1 and #2 in your reply. Thanks for your response because it helps to clarify what I’m experiencing. When I’m in the middle of these strong feelings, I feel like I lose all perspective on what I did wrong and why things are the way they are. At the end of the day, I have to keep reminding myself that this is just his decision and his reaction to the break up. If he wants to be extra rude and mean to me now, for whatever reason, that is his choice and you’re right that it really doesn’t have anything to do with me. Hard to see it when I’m in the throws of sadness about it, but easier a few days out, so thanks for your response.
I also really appreciate the part that said “I’d also look on it as a blessing. I’ve been mucked around by the same married man for 6 years, off and on. If he’d just cut me off, like yours has done, there would be no opportunity for “what if” thinking and I could move on my life.” I feel like one of the biggest hindrances to moving on for me has been replaying the tough moments in my head: Me getting upset with him when things were ending, and breaking things off when he was saying “be patient” followed by “but I still love my wife.” I need to replace that story with the truth, which is that he was acting shady and hurting all of us and I needed to get out and I did. It is painful to hear and see how little he really loved me, but as they say, the truth will set you free. Glad to be out if it. The consequences are just hard.
But it’s been almost 2 years now since that ended. Time to put the final nail in the coffin and move on emotionally even more than I have!!
I’ve just watched this skit by Bob Newhart. It was sent to me by a friend who’s listened to me over and over and over. It’s no nonsense nail in the coffin stuff:
https://vimeo.com/97370236?ref=em-share
Wouldn’t it be great if it were that easy! 🙂
I had to watch this because I have been in love with Bob Newhart for years! I have always said I would marry him! Thanks for sharing!
Run like the wind Effie!!! Firstly, any guy who sends you unsolicited dick pics is douche-bag and should be avoided at all costs.
Secondly, any guy who insists that you send him nude pics is a complete cretin, and should be flushed ASAP. That’s now how a proper gentleman behaves on-or-offline. And you do not have to tolerate it.
Basic respect and decency from one human to another is non-negotiable, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to participate in such activities in order to keep a man’s interest.
Everything about this scenario is dodgy as hell. STOP sending him more naked pics and start with no contact immediately. I honestly believe that you not meeting him is a blessing! You’re guardian angel (whoever they may be) is clearly watching over you, and keeping that creep at bay.
Heed the signs, and follow your gut at all times.
x
Effie,
I feel your heartache, the same thing happened to me a few months ago. I still feel like an idiot for sending the pics (and hope that Snapchat really does keep things from public view!). I realise now that I was in a very low place with my self-esteem and having that attention was wonderful. Of course you feel used and abused, but trust me, one day you won’t fell like this anymore.
Love and hugs xoxo
I fell for my best male friend after we crossed the lines with sexting. He never told me he had a g/f until months had gone by (he was new to the city). I was in shock and pulled away. He got upset because he felt so close to me and didn’t want to lose me. He bitched about this woman in his life that works and stays in another city so his long d relationship is always on the rocks. Me being such a sucker I believed his poor me story. We got closer and texted daily . I was hooked on him and how kind he was. I thought I saw a future perhaps . Wrong wrong. He suddenly showed his true colors. The flirty texts slowed up… I went on with life and didn’t text and he would get very upset. Even called my parents worried because I didn’t respond . Seriously? As of now he flirts still, he sees me and he lights up and hugs and kisses me like we are a couple. We so are not. He hasn’t been a good friend. I’ve just been that girl in his back pocket and he doesn’t know how it’s hurt me. I’ve started nC to help setup and strengthen my boundaries. Don’t let men do this 2 u, don’t get sucked in… it’s not worth it!!!!