In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I focus on the early stages of dating (stages 0-1) and how we can become more grounded and set ourselves up for future success if we adopt a recruiter mindset. We have to recognise that just like a job search, dating is a co-interview process where it’s as much about us ascertaining whether they’re a good fit for us as it is about what they want.

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Some nuggets from the episode:

  • Even though a job description might sound ‘perfect’ or totally suited to us, we still recognise the need to actually have an interview (or a series of them) and suss the company out. We don’t assume that we already have the job.
  • There are things that raise a flag in our mind whether it’s during a job search or dating. When it comes to the latter, we’re more inclined to ignore our discomfort because of our desire to be in a relationship or hold on to our image of a person.
  • Just like in a job hunting process where we won’t find out what the job is actually like until we actually take the role, we cannot get a real sense of who someone is until we progress from dating into a relationship.
  • Some people are great at giving good date or interview….
  • Sometimes it takes leaving one job (or relationship) and starting another to realise that what we thought we needed or wanted isn’t the case. We needed the experience to discover this.

Sometimes we’re so focused on getting the job or relationship that we don’t pay attention to how we feel on that journey or what’s going to happen afterwards.

  • Actions follow energy. If we go into things with a desperate energy, we engage in desperate actions.
  • Dating apps and websites facilitate an introduction. We don’t ‘meet’ the actual person on them.

You don’t start dating or a relationship at the first click or swipe. 

  • Even though we believe that we are gathering more information about people through dating profiles, we’re not. Real life interactions is where it’s at for ascertaining genuine compatibility.
  • Begin with the end in mind.
  • Not everyone is a good fit for the type of relationship we want. Yep, just like we can’t take every single job.
  • Auditioning for a relationship has a very different energy to it than showing up as equal.
  • Sometimes we’re so focused on how we’re coming across and editing ourselves that we don’t realise that we’ve stopped being us.
  • Whatever we’re afraid to ask or know is exactly what we need to ask or know.

“I don’t want to pass up a good opportunity.” This only means something if it’s in harmony with your values. There’s such a thing as making choices and practising discernment.

  • A recruiter mindset teaches us to take the early stages of dating less personally. We also humanise people by going easy on the checklists.
  • When we encounter difficulties or endings in the early stages of dating (or job hunting), it’s a Get Out of Jail Free card. Take it! We haven’t had to go through the experience of getting the job or relationship. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of beating ourselves up but we don’t know what lies ahead.

Links mentioned

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