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Are you discerning about who you spend your time around and who you allow into your ‘inner circle’? That’s the subject of this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions.
It’s pretty hard to become more of who you really are by closing the gap that arises from not matching your actions with your words and intentions, if you haven’t started to figure out this whole trust ‘thang’, so in this episode I talk about:
- The importance of discernment and why we don’t need to see it as being judgemental
- Why we experience sameness and what this has to do with being more discerning about who’s in our gang
- The beauty of the Circle of Trust
- Why somebody you’ve hardly known for a wet week and/or who hasn’t consistently demonstrated over time that they’re trustworthy, hasn’t earned the trusted position of being in the circle
- Why family don’t have an automatic pass into the circle
- Why we struggle to trust ourselves and others because trust is a gamble and we might perceive us to be a bad bet based on past experiences
- The importance of having a debit and credit system approach to trust so that you can build self-trust
- Why entourages, including your own people pleasing entourage, can have a negative effect if you have people in there that benefit from you doing things that are not in your best interests
- That oft-quoted advice about how we’re the sum (or average depending on who’s saying it) of the five people we spend the most amount of time around
Links mentioned in the episode
- Episodes 85 and 86 where I talk about discernment
- My book Love, Care, Trust & Respect
- The Circle of Trust
- The Debit and Credit Trust System
- Intensity Isn’t The Same As Intimacy
- Judging the situation instead of the person
Next stop
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Listener questions can be emailed to podcast AT baggagereclaim DOT com and if there’s a topic you’d love me to talk about, let me know!
Nat xxx
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Oh my goodness. First day here and I’ve already got so much value from your website! This podcast was so very helpful to me- I’ve just drawn my circle of trust for my previous job (to ease myself in) and then my current job. The most interesting thing, to me, is that a LOT of people have ended up in a very different place to where they started. In my current job one person went in very close straight away and has moved far out, and one has done the opposite. There’s a lesson there about trust and boundaries. I think I might be ready to start to learn it. Thank you.
Sometimes when I’m working through severe sexual recovery trauma, I need more than an online community offers, so I take a break and get professional help. That said, I didn’t swoop back in and, wow, did I find myself twisted in a pretzel.
After some heavy grief, I found myself drinking, smoking, amongst other risky behaviors.
Recently, I had an epiphany. I looked around the bar to see all these people trying so hard to keep it together to appear aloof. I near burst into laughter. It was all so ridiculous. Same clothes. Same drinks. Same smokes. Same tattoos. All so silly.
First off, I’m in my 30s and have no time for this. I don’t follow Game of Thrones or like coffee, I don’t want tattoos, Twin Peaks is ok, cigs are horrid, recreational drugs illogical, anti-social behavior miserable, and keeping up with fads these days is too much.
I’m going to drink tea, eat fruit, get a massage, and lace up my hiking boots.
To hell with being cool.