11 responses so far ↓

• 1 Caroline // Oct 10, 2006 at 2:05 pm

  I would like some sharp talking advice in order to be able to understand where Im at, why Im acting as I am and why my ex is. We were together for eight months, it was a very intense relationship from day one, it was long distance and he phoned/visited very regularly. He spewed his undying love for me very quickly, he said he’d never met anyone like me, loved me, wanted me to have his baby right from the word go. He was emotionally very diverse, one minute he’d be crying, telling me he felt insecure and was petrified of losing me, other times he’d be quite volatile, shoting and swearing etc. After six months, he wanted to move to be with me, I told him I thought it might be too quick, he threatened to kill himself that his life would be over etc. He had a car accident and moved in. I did everything I could for him but things seemed to go from bad to worse. We both had problems, but in spite of it all I loved him to bits, and him me. In the end though, I asked him to move out because we seemed to be arguing constantly and I didnt feel happy. I guess I really believed he’d try and fight to keep me and he did for months, however, I kept letting my hear rule my heart and keeping him at arms length until I could take the pain no more and went back to ask him if he wanted to get back together. that was in July, he told me he had to concentrate on his son etc. who was coming to live with him. Its worth mentioning at this point that he has two children, one the product of a one night stand years ago,whom he does not know really one with a woman he was in a relationship with for 10 years on and off, the second child was conceived during an off. The other he missed growing up as most of the time he was in prison for armed robbery. He was also a drug addict etc, but has come out all fresh and a ‘changed’ man. After a few months of texts etc, I found out that he is seeing somebody new , a young girl with a few children, she is pregnant and when I texted to ask him why he was still texting me when he was seeing someone else, and that he had used and sponged off of me, his answer was, whatever. I was heartbroken, all the things he had said to me, I couldnt accept it was over and that what we’d shared wasn’t real. I tried doing all the stuff you should do, going to work, going out with friends, looking after my child and faking that I was ok, until he sent me a text. Then I started seding them to him, culminating in us talking on Sunday, him telling me he wished we could be friends, that he loved me, he missed me, and my child, that he had moved on because I didnt want to have a baby, this was untrue, I had told him I wanted to butwe were no longer secure.He said the pregnancy was an accident, but like i said, you seem desperate to just have a baby with anyone, not becuase I was so special. And so he seems great, getting on with life, new gf, new baby on the way, and all of my dreams and plans are broken, am so heartbroken and seem to be having such a hard time letting go and moving on which is just so unlike me….any sound advice appreciated

• 2 NML // Oct 10, 2006 at 9:50 pm

  Hi Caroline, check in tomorrow where I will post my response to your comment. Many thanks for taking the time to share your story and please stop speaking to this chump!

• 3 marcie // Feb 8, 2008 at 10:58 pm

  Do you gain any self respect in the eyes of the unavailable man when you end the relationship?

• 4 no hope w/mm // Feb 25, 2008 at 5:52 am

  to day on comment let mm go ,they all lie.cant trusth them ,bilive me ,i had one ,i felt like a qween ,but they do that so they can have the cake and eat it to ,,,,,8years i lost to love a mm,now i am strong ,,,,he is out .let them go ladys ,,not worth it ,,,,,,,all they live you pain in our hearts ….

• 5 Simon // Mar 7, 2008 at 10:15 am

  Will you be there?! :o)

• 6 Simon // Mar 7, 2008 at 10:16 am

  WHERE? At the Singles Festival?!! March 22nd.

• 7 Mukesh // Mar 23, 2008 at 2:59 pm

  It’s great to come across sites like yours that look at dating from a new perspective. Kudos.

• 8 brendaf // Apr 24, 2008 at 11:37 am

  Hi NML!
  Wonderful site and I’ve got something that is really relevant throughout your blogs. We are conducting the world’s largest survey of the female orgasm!! We need all the publicity we can get to meet our target of 100,000. Please help. The link is http://www.orgasmsurvey.com
  Brenda

• 9 Laura // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:17 am

  Hi - trying to contact you, please let me know how!
  Thanks,
  L

• 10 NML // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:19 am

  Hi Laura, please email nml [@] baggagereclaim.co.uk - remove the brackets around @!

• 11 nicole // May 12, 2008 at 1:23 am

  When a man blows hot and cold it usually means that he can only think of one thing and a time. If he is having other drama’s in his life like, money, job, family worries etc, he can only focus on that instead of you. Like I said one thing at a time, as we can multitask, men can’t. It can also mean that you are doing too much for your man, let him do the work and don’t mother him, no man want’s to marry his mother, be his best friend, lover and partner. Let him do the chasing, when he does his cold tricks back off yourself and do your own hobbies and your own interest, this usually takes a day or two then he’s back from his man cave and in your arms again. Just because he blows hot and cold doens’t mean the end of your relationship, just give him space. Also don’t be too needy as this puts a man off, look after yourself and your own needs first and love yourself, he is lucky to have you in his life. If you give that vibe out he will realise how lucky he is to have you. I have a man that blows hot and cold and you do feel unloved, but he had a long marriage where he did the same but they were very much inlove until she passed away from cancer at the age of 43. I feel my partner must needs my love and support, but when he is cold i give him space and i’m not all over him, i just do my own things then i know he will be back again when he deals with his problems. Let the man be the man in the relationship and don’t try and change him. When you’re are upset all you want from your man is love and support and affection, but the man can’t understand this and feels he has to fix your problem, let him know all you need is his love.

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