Whether you’re looking to overcome your past so that you can raise your self-worth, break depleting habits like people pleasing, poor boundaries, being self-critical, or being triggered in certain situations — or to quite simply enjoy more fulfilling relationships with love, care, trust and respect — learning how to reclaim you from your emotional baggage and becoming more emotionally available through self-care, will make a profound difference to your life.
I inspire and empower people to do this every day and I’d love to work with you too, saving you a great deal of time, energy, effort and money so that you feel less stressed, anxious, frustrated, resentful, doubting and more, and instead feel more confident, loving, trusting, and free.
Free to be you.
Free to enjoy more of your journey.
Free to enjoy mutually fulfilling relationships comprised of love, care, trust and respect.
I used to have very low self-esteem, a litany of problems including bad boundaries, toxic relationships with emotionally unavailable and shady folk, and a crippling immune system disease, but this all changed back in the summer of 2005 when I was given a very poor prognosis (like the dead by 40 kind) and yet another breakup from a barely-there guy, and I experienced what I guess some people would call an awakening.
My life changed dramatically in less than a year including going into remission from my ‘incurable disease’, growing my self-esteem to include boundaries, coming to terms with my fear of abandonment, rejection and more, and meeting the man who would go on to become my husband.
I did not read a self-help book or even go to therapy to bring about this transformation because when I looked around for advice for my then twenty-something self, I was met with the following:
- Books that did not speak to the inner turmoil I was experiencing, reinforcing my perception at the time that I was alone and very screwed up
- Too much 'noise' including family, inferring that it was my lack of 'enoughness' causing my problems
- A lot of positive thinking your way out of things, which is not to say that healthy beliefs and a positive mindset aren't an important part of the whole living a happier life, it's just that trying to happy-clap my way out of years of emotional baggage was like cutting off the heads of the weeds while leaving the root and the environment they grew in untouched.
I was tired of seeing crap about 50 ways to please your man when the relationship isn’t going your way, as if people pleasing was a solution to being mistreated.
No amount of sexy underwear, cooking, prancing around like a performing seal and contorting myself into a pretzel in an attempt to be pleasing, was gonna fix my love life.
So, I started looking within, asking questions, compassionately exploring my past, road-testing ideas, letting go of baggage so that I could allow myself to heal, letting myself get the right support - basically allowing me to take steps every day to grow my self-esteem and live.
I wrote it all down as I went along, sharing it, because if I could help even one person avoid what I went through and I could support others who have struggled with abandonment, rejection, trauma, people pleasing, emotional unavailability, and feeling ‘not good enough’, to name but a few, then I knew I was making a difference.
The result, is Baggage Reclaim.
For more than a decade, I’ve been sharing, not just insights and observations from my own journey, but sharing my gift for understanding our patterns, behaviour, emotions and relationships, giving clarity and healing to experiences and situations that people either couldn’t give a name or description to, or that they thought that they would never get over.
I know a hell of a lot about emotional unavailability, emotional baggage, how and why certain patterns are created, and how to unpack this all and reclaim yourself from it so that you can live and love with self-esteem and freedom from your past.
I am straight-talking but I do what I do with deep compassion, empathy and plenty of humour.
I am so good at what I do that people can tell me a very small nugget of their story and I can provide deep insight into what’s going on, even able to tell them what happened next before they do. I am frequently asked if I know the person they’re talking about, whether I live inside their head, and how the hell I know what I know.
Baggage Reclaim is read in more than 130 countries, with Reclaimers from all walks of life.
Know that you are not alone.
I’m based in South East London in Caterham with my husband Em, and our two daughters and cockerpoo.
5 ways I can help you for free
- Read these posts: Relationships In A Nutshell, 30 Signs That Someone Isn't Interested, Why We've Got To Stop Procrastinating In Unavailable Relationships and Is It Time For You To Go On a People Pleasing Diet?
- Sign up for my free guide Are You The Fallback?, which also comes with a short email series designed to help you gain clarity about unavailable relationships and what you truly need, desire and deserve.
- Read my blog which has over 1400 posts. You can go here for a full list by section.
- Listen to my podcast, The Baggage Reclaim Sessions.
- Download my Unsent Letter Guide or Feelings Diary Guide, or both! Both are available in my downloads section.
Want something more personalised?
Buy my book Love, Care, Trust & Respect if you are looking for a grounding in what healthy relationships are about. Or, buy my book, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl if you want a deep dive on what emotionally unavailability is about and why you’ve been caught up in this pattern. I also have more books here.
Sign up for Reclaimer Membership, my subscription for people who are committed to growing their self-care habits and breaking the patterns that hold them back--£20/approx $25 per month (£180/approx $225 per year).
Sign up for one of my short courses like Embrace Healthy Boundaries for £97.
Book a clarity session via email with me, £89-£480 (& VAT) or via phone, £340 for a 90-minute session. There are also options for coaching.