It's painful when the realisation hits you that when it comes to a certain someone or even certain people in your life, nothing, and I do literally mean nothing, is ever enough. You could walk over hot coals, limbo under a bar held 5cm off the ground with spikes on...
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Is It Time For You To Go On a People-Pleasing Diet? Time To Make Way For Being You
I've talked a lot about the importance of being yourself. In fact, "Be me" is one of my personal commandments that I strive to live by. It helps me live my life, not the life that I think others want me to live so that I can please people who I really...
Podcast Ep. 256: On Grief and Grieving and Why It Brings the People Pleaser Out in Us
March 28th marks five years since my father died. In this week's episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, I share recent insights I've gained from exploring my quiet grief, including why we don't have to be people pleasers about our grief and how some people...
Why Some People Call You “Needy” Even When It’s the First Time You’re Speaking Up
Few things wound, offend and confuse us, like being called “needy”, particularly when we typically avoid expressing our needs, desires, expectations, feelings and opinions as a rule. It’s like, So let me get this right. I avoid saying no and pulling you up on things...
Do people change after saying they’re not ready for (or don’t want) commitment?
After we break up with someone that couldn't or wouldn't commit, or even if they said they could, their emotional unavailability made their words rather hollow, there's often anxiety that two-twos, they'll 'change' for someone else. We fear that as soon as we stop...
We Can Unlearn Our Anxiety About Other People’s Moods and Behaviour
When someone close to you is unhappy, unreasonable or out of sorts, what happens? Do you immediately wonder what you've done or feel some level of obligation to 'fix' it? An easy thought trap to fall into is, This person's unhappy. It must be about something I’ve...
Please Don’t Wait Around for People to Do the Right Thing by You
In situations where, to you, the ‘right’ thing seems obvious, it's easy to assume that it is to the other party too. In fact, when it comes to boundaries, we humans often veer between extremes. We think someone wouldn't do something if it weren't 'OK' somewhere or...
Podcast Ep. 106: Friendship Means Different Things To Different People
This week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions marks the beginning of a series of episodes that I'll be doing on the subject of friendship. There will be several episodes between now and the end of the year, and my aim is for it to be an in-depth, compassionate...
Some People Can’t Handle Exceptions
Have you ever made a special concession for someone because you wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt or because you felt that they were special, only for you to find yourself grappling with boundary issues? Or maybe it's that you unconsciously deviated from...