FAQ Comments

I can’t see the option to comment.

If a post is more than 90 days old, the comments are closed.

I posted a comment and it hasn’t appeared yet.

Comments are posted automatically but sometimes the spam filter is a bit overzealous and puts a comment to be moderated. The only other reasons would be that it didn’t meet commenting guidelines.

How long does it take for comments to be approved?

After several years of moderating comments, I have stopped so unless there has been an error in the system, your comment will appear automatically.

My comment definitely hasn’t been approved (or it’s been removed).

If your comment hasn’t been approved, it’s because it didn’t meet commenting guidelines.  Keep in mind that I get thousands of comments through each year and that it’s only a very small portion that don’t meet guidelines – less than 1% – so if it’s not approved, it’s with very good reason. While I am pretty relaxed about commenting, I won’t approve:

1) Forum type comments that look like you’re trying to have a personal discussion or are encouraging others to comment as if they’re on a forum. This isn’t a forum – it’s a blog.

2) Off-topic commenting which often goes hand in hand with #1. This includes comments that are basically requesting that readers provide advice, especially if it doesn’t pertain to the subject at hand. If you have ‘corrections’ that you’d like to make to an article, please send your spelling and grammar guide via the contact page.

3) A comment spread out over several comments. Rambling comments affect readability, which goes hand in hand with #1 again, and is likely to be also #2. If there are for example, 2 comments and the second additional text is pretty short, I’ll generally approve or manually add, as long as there are not other comments not being approved for the same reason on the thread. If you however keep doing it, it will only be the first comment that is approved.

4) Rude, hostile, tone issues, judgmental – you know the deal. If it looks, sounds, and walks like a personal attack, it won’t be approved. If you sound like you’re losing your temper or are unravelling, it’s definitely not going to be posted. I also won’t approve comments that are libellous or that include personal information about another person.

5) Litter – this is one person posting several and sometimes many comments saying stuff like ‘Great comment’. Once or twice fine, but when I have a load from you to approve, it’s litter. Remember this isn’t a forum. I also don’t publish anything that looks and sounds like ‘spam’.

6) Understandably, I don’t post suicide notes or anything that sounds like it’s headed in that direction. I would normally get in touch with you directly at this point…unless you didn’t even provide an email address.

7) Revenge talk, particularly off-topic revenge talk and comments that encourage discussion / encouragement of taking revenge.

8) Your comment links to porn, dating sites, offensive content, or ‘player’ how to manipulate people type of sites. Only link to sites that are reflective of this sites values. Definitely don’t link to anything that is just your way of advertising a dodgy ‘get your ex back’ service.

9) You’re making offensive comments about race, religion, mental illness, being overweight, questioning why ‘plain’ people have a relationship when you’re beautiful and you don’t – you get the gist.

10) I don’t mind comments that respectfully disagree, but if you post comments that will actually exacerbate the vulnerabilities of readers (see #9 for example), I won’t post it.

11) If you have been previously asked to draw a line under a conflict issue in the comments yet you keep posting comments about it or being passive aggressive by posting direct or veiled comments about it under the same post or on others, your comment will not be posted and if it happens more than two times, you will be permanently banned.

12) If you post information that identifies another person, your comment won’t be posted. If you’re stalking someone and replying to their comments to antagonise them, these comments won’t be posted either and you’ll be permanently banned.

13) I don’t post passive aggressive comments. Thankfully this is a rarity but it’s very annoying when it does happen. If you have an issue with something including me or what I write about here, writing passive aggressive comments that you think I or others won’t noticed is only going to get on my nerves. You’ll know who you are if you only pop up to spew negativity and ambulance chase on people’s issues just so that you can passive aggressively let your own irritation with me or a reader be known. If you’ve ever watched Happy Gilmore, you’ll remember the heckler that keeps popping up on the golf course. Drainers affect community spirit and invariably end up taking the comments off-topic.

Can I query your refusal to publish a comment?

If you feel like it but before you do, please read the site use guidelines – remember these are my boundaries and those of the general community. If you are rude when you query it, you won’t get a reply.

My comment was approved but has since been removed.

I check comments a few times a day. If you posted something that doesn’t meet guidelines, it will have been removed.

I’m being misunderstood in my comments / Someone is saying I said something that I didn’t say

Or you did say it but even though it’s what you said it’s not what you meant. This kind of stuff can be tricky to deal with in a written environment. It’s one thing if someone says you wrote something that you didn’t but if you did write it but in retrospect have determined that you don’t like the meaning attached to it, it’s better to clarify your original statement etc rather than attack commenters for not seeing what you wrote in the way that you want them to. Unsurprisingly I have a no crazy-making policy!