.“You have taught me so much over the last month by answering my questions, I want to learn EVERYTHING, therefore I HAVE to read your book. I want to start dating, so I need to be prepared to smell these clowns a mile away. 🙂 Thank you, you are awesome.” Asta

“I came across your site after a night of prowling the internet looking for advice to decode the behavior of the guy I thought I was dating. You were the first person to put a title on my predicament ‘Mr Unavailable.’

It took you, a complete stranger, and the stories of other women around the world to make me realize that I was attracting selfish men who were unwilling to offer their full selves to me. But most importantly, I realized that the common denominator was me and that I had to change my behavior and outlook before I could expect to attract Mr. Available.” Carver-27-Chicago

“NML, I’ve been reading your blog just about forever. It’s the place I come to when the pain gets too much for me to handle and my friends just do not understand what it is I am going through, YOU DO because you have been there and you know its not all black and white but a massive grey hole.

I have your articles printed out by my bed ( I swear) and I read them especially the No Contact ones every night before I go to sleep and I am sure I could recite them. I have broken up since and found out that not only was this guy Mr Emotionally Unavailable but while he kept telling me we were in a committed relationship he was sleeping with different women while keeping me around. I have been loyal and true to him and you know what I learnt to be true through the ages. The truth does set you free. Yes I am hurt and have been through immense pain but I my heart is light and I feel free. Thanks NML for all that you do.”Marie, US

“Baggage Reclaim has made me become aware of the following:

Being tired of sitting @ home on my couch, tears streaming down my cheeks, feeling as if I am sliding down into a never-ending abyss.
Being tired of laying on my back, having sex with a man that deep down I know has no sort of emotional connection to me what-so-ever,as I keep telling myself that same old tried but never true lie: ‘I can make him love me if I keep making myself available to him’.
Being tired of playing ’emotional chess’ in my head; always trying to figure out his next move, always trying to analyse his previous moves; always trying to figure out how to be one step ahead of him so I can ‘win’ him back into my life, so caught up that I don’t even realize that I lost the game before it even began.
Being tired of being tired of a situation that never truly existed; tired of being emotionally tired of a relationship that never made it past the fantasies in my head; I want a true relationship, and a true love, to tire me out-in a good, healthy and productive way.” Virgo Princess

“I’m a young dater and have managed, thus far, to choose Mr Unavailable’s in 4 out of 5 official relationships and in many embarrassing unofficial ones. My friend says I “keep dating the same man.” My therapist was the first to describe this pattern as choosing “emotionally unavailable partners.” With these three magic words, I discovered Baggage Reclaim.

I can’t thank you enough for your insightful posts. They have reassured me that I’m not crazy; there are concrete reasons my relationships have been burdens. It is comforting to know that many other women share my experiences. By reading Baggage Reclaim’s posts and archives, I am finding a new direction. (Before, I would hunt frantically for a new man, somebody, anybody!) In addition, Baggage Reclaim has revealed traps like contacting Mr. Unavailable too soon after breaking up. I can’t wait to read the Mr. Unavailable Guide!!” Meghann, 22

“Your Web site Baggage Reclaim is one of many I happened upon when googling anything and everything to help me get past a difficult and recent breakup. I found myself coming back to read more and feeling slightly better. Not only because of what you said but because of the comments and realising that there are so many women who are like me. Heartbroken over an emotionally unavailable man. Reading Baggage Reclaim is helping me get through my no contact 60 days. Today is Tuesday and day 48 of no contact. I look at your site daily and if there is nothing new I look at the archives. Well, basically your site has helped raise my awareness about emotionally unavailable men and women and is helping me move forward one day at a time. The most important thing though is through my learning I can break this cycle before it passes to my 7-year-old daughter. My choices will affect her and I want them to affect her in a positive way.” Priya, 33, Hawaii

“Since my marriage of 14 years ended I’ve had relationships with 2 emotionally unavailable men. The first one lasted 9 months and the 2nd lasted 1.5 years. The 1st had moved on to someone else and still wanted to use me and take me for granted. The 2nd man ran hot and cold constantly and was the most narcissistic and selfish individual I’ve ever met – but his charm and good looks could knock you over and he knew how to use them.

Baggage Reclaim, its contents and the responses from others helped me recognize both of these men for what they are and helped me finally come to my senses and end the games with these men. I’d been sucked in by them, pushed and pulled, and have been in no contact with EU#1 since the Fall and EU#2 for 2 months. My relationship with EU#2 was on/off for the last 5 months. I’d get sucked in again when he’d contact me because I wanted to hear what he had to say or I held out hope that he’d changed and I bought his lines. Know what? I don’t care what he has to say anymore, and I know he’ll never reminds me who he is and how stupid I would be to ever give him the time of day again.” Freya, 42, USA

“I’ve been reading Baggage Reclaim for a year and it has really helped me to understand my pattern of falling for emotionally unavailable men (EUM). I must quit falling for EUM because I want to experience love with an available man and start a family. I am so thankful that I finally faced reality. Progress is slow. I haven’t dated an emotionally available man in years.

However, recently I lost interest in an EUM. I recognized and processed the red flags! He is three years separated, just filed the divorce papers and says he’s emotionally over the failed marriage. His (in)actions tell a different story. Previously, I would have tried to “win” this man’s love and my self-esteem would have taken a beating. Not this time. I understand that his ‘rejection’ is not about me. I’m determined to get there.” Cristin, 38, NYC

“I am still pursuing Mr. Unavailable and I am 53 years old! This is important work that you are sharing, I have learned a lot from reading your articles. The problem for me seems to be that I date men that don’t meet my minimum requirements, yet they adore me. I end up feeling smothered and unsatisfied and go off pursuing someone who seems unattainable for one reason or another. Obviously issues of low self-esteem continue to rear their ugly heads. Self-love and having certain non-negotiables when dating a new man need to be a daily mantra for me. I return to your two web sites regularly when I feel myself slipping into old destructive habits. It’s the proverbial bucket of cold water on my head. “Hello self!, did I actually think it was going to turn out any differently this time with Mr. Emotionally Unavailable?” I will say that I am NOT looking for a husband at this point in my life, but there is no reason why I can’t find a best friend/confidante/lover that won’t trample all over my personal boundaries. The mystery and allure (anguish even) of the sexual encounter seems to be at the root of my desire for Mr Unavailable. But I want there to be be REAL love and intimacy.” Terry

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